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01
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“AITAH for not giving my father resources from my job?”
"CONTEXT: I (16M) just started my job not too long ago in November of last year. After looking for a job since I was 14, I finally landed one that my sister found for me. My first month or so, I took Lyfts and Ubers there until my father (53M) got terminated from his past job.
After that, we came to the conclusion that as long as I pitch in most of the time for gas and whatnot, he would drive me to and from my workplace."
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02
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There is nothing wrong with a family leaning on each other during tough times. That is what families do. But there is a difference between mutual support and a dynamic where a teenager's first paycheck becomes the household plan, and this story walks that line in a way that is genuinely worth talking about.
This 16-year-old spent two years looking for work before finally landing a job. Two years of showing up, trying, and being told no before his sister helped him find an opportunity he grabbed with both hands. That kind of persistence at that age deserves real recognition. He is not just working, he is building something, saving with a goal in mind, trying to set himself up so that his future looks different than his present.
The arrangement with his dad made sense at first. A ride to work in exchange for pitching in on gas, fair, practical, family teamwork at its most functional. But somewhere along the way, the ask started growing. More food. Weekly cash. An expectation that his job and his paycheck were community resources rather than the result of his own effort.
What makes this kid's response so mature is that he did not blow up or walk away. He asked a genuinely good question: if things were fine before I got hired, why are they suddenly not fine now? That is not a callous thing to say. That is a kid who is paying attention.
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03
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"Recently, he has been getting entitled and overly invested into my job mainly because it is a fast food chain, and I sometimes offer to bring food home. Shortly after, this turned into him asking for more and more things revolving around my work life and my paychecks. Things like food, money to buy him gas (which he tells me to put $50 in every week, even though I get paid BIWEEKLY)."
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04
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The goal here is not to paint anyone as a villain. His dad is going through a transition, and that is hard at any age. But part of supporting someone you love is sometimes being honest enough to say — you have more capacity than you are currently using. Go find it.
At 16, this kid already knows that. That is the whole story.
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05
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"I eventually stand my ground and tell him that I cannot and will not continue to provide for him as if he is my child. i went on to question him about it and why this is only happening now, when i secure a job. “If you weren’t this bad off before I secured a job, why is this just now occurring?”
My father doesn’t say anything, then goes on to speak with my mother about a paper for disemployment proving that he is actively searching for a job."
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06
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"My mother then has a GREAT idea and recommends my dad walk into the building with me and wait until I get a paper copy of whatever it is he wants, which could realistically risk getting me terminated from my position as well.
At this point, I am at my breaking point due to the fact that I am being treated like my workplace is something they can take advantage of as if I wouldn’t get into conflict because of it."
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"He then goes on a rant about how I never want to help him with anything, even though he drives me to and from work, blah blah.
(EXTRA CONTEXT): My father voluntarily does DoorDash throughout the mornings and has recently reconstructed our home floors, which cost him over $1K. I’m not sure how he suddenly has no money or food when it comes to asking me for things now.
Am I the as*hole even though i’m just trying to save money to get out of the same situation they were in at my age?"
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07
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Appropriate-Mall9781
NTA. He's taking advantage of your situation. You had a working deal, and he's using that to wiggle his way into getting more, no matter what it does to you.
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Emotional-Healths
NTA. OP, you are sixteen. SIXTEEN. It is not your responsibility to bankroll your 53-year-old father. The fact that he is demanding $50 a week for gas while you work a part time fast-food job is financial ab*se. He is essentially charging you a 'success tax' for having a job.
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Buckleupbuttercup77
NTA. Your father should not be asking for any money from you - not even gas money. This is what parents do. My mother drove me to work and we were poor. Never did she ever ask me for money for taking me. She also never asked me for money for anything else. She wanted me to save money so I could go to college.
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FunnyLoud3067
NTA. He’s taking advantage.
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OniyaMCD
NTA - tell your dad 'I will not jeopardize my job for you.' Make a budget for how much you can afford for gas (shouldn't be more than you were paying for Uber.)
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kimsterama101
NTA. This parent isn't parenting.
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MaineSky
NTA.
You are a child, literally in the eyes of the law you are his 'dependent.'
That said, being 'right' doesn't make you smart. Talk to your manager at work and make them aware of the situation, and see if any coworkers share your shifts and would be willing to carpool while you save up for a car. Don't say out loud to your Dad that you feel like you have to take care of him like a child- being 'right' about it doesn't make it a smart thing to say when you're still living at home.
Figure out ways to strategically cut your dependence on them without telling them. Find another ride, start finding your important papers like birth certificate, social security cards etc... Friends houses you can stay at, cheap roommate housing in your area... It's always good to position yourself intelligently just in case they escalate.
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Time-Tie-231
NTA
Your father should be supporting you not fleecing off you and jeopardising your employment.
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zgrssd
NTA, but you are in a tricky situation.
You are underage and dependent on him providing rides.
But if they take all the money from the job, it isn't really worth the time investment for you.
And if he won't drive you, you can't really have the job.
I do wonder why you have a job at 16 in the first place? You should still be in school.
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state_your_name31415
Unless you drive a tank I think $50/week for gas is high
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Fun_Bed_3214
I would suggest applying for jobs you could walk or bike to if possible! Then at your new job if they provide you with food or benefits don’t let him know about it. I know you said it was awhile to land this job, but now that you are 16 it will likely be much easier than when you were 14 and 15. And you have some job experience under your belt!
If you are set on staying at this job maybe find a way to figure out how much gas he’s using to and from. Let him know it costs X amount and ask to pay closer to that. (He sounds unreasonable so this may not work)
You could also offer to pay co workers gas money for rides and see if anyone is willing.
Good luck I’m sorry your dad is this way!
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dell828
NTA. He is behaving very immaturely.. as if you are equals, and if he helps you, you should help him. At 16 it would be nice for you to help out around the house, or bring him some leftover food, but this is NOT a reciprocal relationship.. you are 16.. and is responcible to provide for you.
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