Stay-at-home mom continues cooking homemade meals every day for a full house to save money despite her picky brother-in-law’s demands for special meals: 'I can’t really afford making main courses that are entirely meat'

• 01
  
  via Vitor Monthay

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• "AITAH for telling my “picky” BIL that I won’t change how I cook to accommodate him?"

  "This title is so weird so let me explain.

  I (24F) live in a home with my kids, my partner, my sister + her partner, and a couple of other family members. My family (partner, kids, my dad and I) are living here while renovations are being done on our home. My sister (26F) is living here with her partner (24M) while they get back on their feet (as they were struggling monetarily when they moved back to our home state). It’s a mess, I hope I explained well enough."

  -justalilcuckoobanana

• 02
  
  via Getty Images

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• Let's set the scene. A 24-year-old stay-at-home mom is cooking nearly every meal for a full house,  her kids, her partner, her sister, her sister's partner, and a few other family members all living under one roof. She does it because she loves cooking. She does it because feeding that many people at a restaurant would cost a small fortune. She does it with care, with creativity, and lately, with a whole lot of beans.

  Because here's the reality: money is tight. Meat prices have gone up. Feeding a crowd every single day adds up fast. So she did what any resourceful, practical, genuinely skilled home cook would do, she adapted. White kidney beans folded into sesame chicken. Lentils stretching a curry. Butter chicken bulked up just enough to feed everyone without breaking the bank. Smart, filling, delicious. Everyone liked it.

  Well. Almost everyone.

  Her sister's partner is a picky eater,  and has a long list of foods he won't eat. So when she makes something he doesn't like, he skips the meal and gets fast food instead. Fine. Totally fine. Nobody is forcing anyone to eat anything.

• 03
  
  via Guillaume Issaly

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• “I cook. A lot. Just about every meal, when I’m around, is homemade. Both because I love cooking, and because going to a restaurant for the amount of people we have here would cost way too much. Recently, like almost anyone else has experienced, money has been tighter. Meat prices are getting crazy, prices in general are tbh.”

  -justalilcuckoobanana
   

• 04
  
  via Vitor Monthay

  _{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}

• "Most of the people in my house believe meat needs to be in every meal, so I haven’t cut it out of the meals I’ve made entirely.. But I’ve been trying to stretch the meat we have, so we don’t need a lot to feed everyone.

  How have I done that? Beans and lentils.

  I’ve been adding beans into recipes (like making sesame chicken with ground chicken, adding some white kidney beans in) to make it so we all can get full without spending a fortune on meat. I’ll make butter chicken but add some beans. Making curry and adding beans. Stuff like that.

  It’s a cheap way to make a meal more filling, and they’re good for you. Win / win!"

  -justalilcuckoobanana

• 05
  
  via P.O.sitive Negative

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• What's not fine is what came next: being told she's cruel for not accommodating him more. That she should rework her meals around his preferences. That somehow, the person cooking every single meal for an entire household, for free, out of love, on a budget, is the one being unreasonable.

  Here's the thing about giving. You can only give what you actually have. She's giving her time, her energy, her skills, and her grocery budget every single day. Asking her to stretch that even further, to spend money she doesn't have, to make separate meals for someone who by his own admission is just picky, isn't a reasonable request. It's an entitled one.

• 06
  
  via Kristine Tumanyan

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• "The meals I’ve been making taste good. Everyone in the house has liked them.. Besides one person.

  My sister’s partner.

  He hates beans. He has a lot of foods he just will not eat; chicken on the bone is a no, mashed potatoes is a no.. The list goes on and on. So when I make a meal with any of the things he doesn’t like.. He doesn’t eat; instead they go get fast food, or he eats something random in the house.

  Whatever, y’know? Not everyone will like everything; I can’t really afford to stick to the foods he loves, and making main courses that are entirely meat. I feel bad he doesn’t like the stuff I make but I get it! The two of them (my sister and her partner) make a lot more money than my partner does (I’m a stay-at-home-mom) so I figured.. If they don’t like the food I make, they can get their own. No hard feelings"

  -justalilcuckoobanana

• 07
  
  via Elisabeth Jurenka

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• There's a version of fairness that looks like everyone contributing what they can. She's contributing enormously. Pitching in for extra groceries, or simply making your own food when the communal meal doesn't suit you, isn't a punishment. It's just being a reasonable adult who understands how households work.

  She's not the villain here. She's the reason everyone is eating.

• 08
  
  via Elisabeth Jurenka

  _{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}

• “All was good, I thought. But then I got told that I was being “cruel” for not accommodating them more. That me making foods that I know he won’t eat is crappy, and that I should really start making food I know he will eat too. I responded saying that they could either help with paying for the extra meat + such we would need to “accommodate” his preferences, or they could make / buy their own food. If neither of those options sounded good.. They could just deal with it.

  My partner and I can’t really afford to add a bunch of extra meat and such into the meals we make. If this was a case of an allergy or something involving ARFID I would feel worse about saying what I did (I have allergies and diagnosed ARFID myself, so I am empathetic). But this isn’t that. He says he’s “just picky” and doesn’t like a lot of foods.

  I’m now being given the cold shoulder by them. My partner is on my side fully, and so are the other adults in the house. But I’m left questioning if I am being a j*rk here, or unreasonable. Technically I could make meals that he likes; the portions for everyone just wouldn’t be as large as they are right now (and my partner and I would be struggling a little more).

  AITAH or being a j*rk in any way here? :/"

  -justalilcuckoobanana

• 09
  
  via Josue Michel

  Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

• TararaBoomDA

  Whoa, whoa, wait a minute?

  Your sister & BIL aren't contributing any money at all toward groceries?'

  And you're wondering if you're the as*hole?

• maybemaybenot2023

  NTA. BIL needs to grow up and realize he needs to pay his weight

• Dragon_Tiger752

  NTA. As another person who also hates beans, I don't expect to be accommodated. If I don't like the food made, I'll just make something else, or contribute by buying groceries that everyone would eat in the household, that way everyone can enjoy the same meal.

• PomegranateZanzibar

  He can learn to cook the things he’ll eat, and shop for them himself. Problem solved.

• Sweaty-Ruin5381

  NTA. This is a him problem. They can kick in for groceries if they want.

• tommy946

  NTA. If it were me they would be out. You don't get to "give me the cold shoulder" while you're mooching off of me in my house.

• ImColdandImTired

  They have the audacity to complain that you should spend more of your money and your time to cater to his tastes, rather than eating the food that is offered to them for nothing?

  Growing up, my mother always offered us two options for meals: eat it or go hungry

  NTA. Tell them since they don’t like what you cook, and do not contribute toward the cost of the food anyway, they can figure it out themselves.

• Clean_Midnight_3379

  NTA

  Your BIIL sounds really immature. It is one thing to have preferences, but it is another to just expect someone to accomodate it. He could pay for it, but he won't. Also he needs to understand that money is tight for you right now, and that you just can't do it. You are right that prices have skyrocketed, and you can't afford to please everyone

• Panaccolad

  NTA. Let them give you the cold shoulder. It isn't a punishment to not be spoken to by an idiot.

  And for what it's worth, my 14yo is a picky eater. If she doesn't like what I've made, she is welcome to make her own meal. She gets it, and sometimes does just that. Makes her own meal.

  You're not gonna tell me a 14yo can figure that out but a grown man can't. Let him have his tantrum. He can either fix up and eat, or he can make his own, or they can stop eating your food entirely and fend for themselves. What they don't get to do is throw a wobbly and expect you to turn into their personal chef.

• Pattycakes1966

  You’re doing all the cooking. If they don’t like it then they can either take over the cooking or cook their own meals. In a house with that many people, you accommodate the majority not the minority unless there is an allergy of some sort.

• Jacce76

  NTA he is a grown a*s adult and can cook and feed and shop for himself.

• mistersmith22

  NTA. Your family is suffering from "well if it bothers someone it's wrong" disease. That's what dumb people do.

  Chicken on a bone? Mashed potatoes? Beans? Tell that MFer to grow up or make/but their own food. Or, simply start cooking for your own family only, and let them deal with it. Seriously, start tonight. You get exactly zero chances to be mean on the person who spends their time cooking for you before you lose the privilege.

• SomethingClever70

  Wait, your sister and partner combined earn more money than your husband, and yet 1) they are having financial difficulties, and 2) you two are helping them get back on their financial feet?

  They can both GTFO.

  NTA

• JudgeJoan

  I hate beans. Don't listen to that guy. A homemade meal is a gift. You don’t like it you fend for yourself. Adulting is hard for some. NTA

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