29-year-old gets sister to drive her to appointments, takes offence when she doesn't like her giving out her number for free rides: 'I need her to respect the boundary'

A family member doing you a favor does not necessarily mean that they are willing to do the same thing for your friends.

Plenty of people are willing to help out their relatives in a way that they just wouldn't for people whom they don't really know. Much as it is nice to be nice, everybody only has so much time and resources to give out favors. There is a limit to how much they can do it, if they even want to in the first place.

What's more, even those who are nice enough to help out those whom they know probably are not going to take kindly to getting referrals without being consulted first. Asking for assistance is one thing; claiming that you are open to giving it to just about anyone is quite another. No matter how open-minded an individual might be, these kinds of scenarios can swiftly become unmanageable. 

It can be awkward at first to turn down somebody who was expecting that you would benefit them in some way. If you are overwhelmed, though, it is generally the best course of action. It is not fair that others should be entitled to your time like that.

 

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  • A glasses-wearing young woman sits in the back of a car with a bag beside her, looking out the window
    via Miguel Ángel Hernández

    A glasses-wearing young woman sits in the back of a car with a bag beside her, looking out the window

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

     

  • This is something that one woman struggled with after she had spent a year driving her sister to occasional appointments. She didn't mind doing this, as she was family, and it only happened a couple of times a month.

    However, she started having second thoughts when she began getting texts from random numbers asking if she could give them a ride. Her sister had told her friends that she might be able to help without asking her first.

    When this didn't stop after she told her sister to cut it out, she started to consider taking away her own ride privileges. However, she wasn't sure if this would be taking things too far.

  • Would I be wrong if I stopped driving my sister to her appointments after she gave my number to her friends without asking?

    My sister (29) doesn't drive and lives about 20 minutes from me. For the past year or so I've been taking her to medical appointments when she needs it, maybe once or twice a month. I don't mind doing this, she's my sister, it's not a huge deal.
    via PrySic
  • About six weeks ago I started getting texts from numbers I didn't recognize. Turns out my sister had given my number to two of her friends as someone who "might be able to help with rides." She didn't ask me first. I found out because one of the friends texted me directly asking if I could take her to a pharmacy across town next Thursday.
    via PrySic
  • I told my sister I wasn't comfortable with that and asked her not to share my number without checking with me. She apologized and said she didn't think I'd mind since I "already do it anyway." I let it go. Then last week one of the same friends texted me again. So clearly my number is still out there somewhere.
    via PrySic
  • I'm thinking about telling my sister that if this happens again I'm going to take a break from the rides for a while. Not permanently, just like a month or so, enough that she understands it's not something I'm required to do and that I need her to actually respect the boundary.
    via PrySic
  • My partner thinks I'm being too harsh and that I should just block the friends and move on. But it feels like that misses the point. The issue isn't the texts, its that she shared my number without permission twice now basically. WIBTA?
    via PrySic
  • A glasses-wearing young woman looks out of the window of the back seat of a car
    via Miguel Ángel Hernández

    A glasses-wearing young woman looks out of the window of the back seat of a car

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • NoSummer1345 NTA. It's crazy she gave out your number!
    via NoSummer1345
  • -cmram28 Is your sister incapable of using a ride share service?
    via -cmram28
  • Effective-Several I like the ultimatum better. This way she knows that it's all on her. And that she needs to tell all of her friends to stop calling you because if they do, she won't get any ride anymore.
    via Effective-Several
  • hisimpendingbaldness Or volunteering you to do it for others. Make it clear to her the only reason you are doing this is because you are her sister. You are not doing it for anyone else. Also mention you dont appreciate the intrusion of these other people in your life.
    via hisimpendingbaldness
  • Block the other numbers Ps, a same friend is not someone your sister gave the # after your first chat. That you cant hold against her
    via hisimpendingbaldness
  • Jsmith2127 I hope that you messaged anyone that called you for rides, that your sister gave out your number without permission
    via Jsmith2127
  • witchymoon69 Block the friends. Then tell your sister you DO mind. That you only go out of your way to help her because she's family. But strongly tell her if she gives your number out again you are done giving her rides permanently. That should put a stop to it. If it doesn't don't help her the next time she needs a ride. Tell her to call Uber or a taxi.
    via witchymoon69
  • Mysterious-Pie4586 Simply put, she is TA for not asking first. Its disrespectful and thoughtless on her part.
    via Mysterious-Pie4586
  • BlackStarBlues Is gas really cheap where you live or something? I'd text them back with a big happy, "Sure! Just venmo $x and I'll pick you up once I receive it. See you later!" Charge for your time, gas, & mileage.
    via BlackStarBlues
  • ButterscotchFit8175 NTA. She has gotten too comfortable and entitled. No rides until 3 months past the last contact from any of her friends. So, tell her today and start the 3 month clock. 2 weeks from now, rando asks for a ride, the 3 months clock starts over.
    via ButterscotchFit8175
  • Goateed Chocolate YWNBTA, and in your shoes I'd be tempted to give out HER number and see how she likes it. "Oh I'm sorry, I thought this is what we were doing now?"
    via Goateed_Chocolate
  • Choppergold You need to help her by not helping her
    via Choppergold
  • Teamtunafish NTA. You're not a frigging taxi.
    via Teamtunafish
  • jahmom74 Insurance question here....What happens if God forbid you got into an accident carrying her friends around. AND they want to sue you? Think of yourself...that's a HARD eff...no boo.
    via jahmom74
  • patty202 I would not stop taking her to her appointments. Just tell her that you are blocking her friends and to never give out your number again.
    via patty202

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