Spender girlfriend making $40K tells saver boyfriend making $95K that he should cover her if she runs out of money: 'You've got enough for the both of us, don't you?'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
May 1, 2026 7:45 AM EDT

It's going to be a long, hard life if they can't get on the same page about finances.

If there's one piece of relationship advice that everyone should follow, it's that you shouldn't financially support someone you're not married to. It's understandable to want to help pay your partner's bills if they're struggling, but it's a red flag if they're asking you for money, especially early on in the relationship. There's a very good chance that they're taking advantage of your kindness and desire to be a supportive partner. Normal, stable people do not ask their boyfriend of 2 months to pay their rent for them, because they know that it's their responsibility to pay their own rent. An unstable person will jump from relationship to relationship, squeezing all of the resources out of their partner until they are fed up with being an ATM. 

If you've been with someone for two years, you're more likely to want to treat your relationship like a marriage. A lot of people, two years into a relationship, will combine finances and have children together before getting married, which is a recipe for disaster if you break up. If you move into your girlfriend's house, help her pay the mortgage, and break up without your name ever going on the deed, you have little to no legal recourse to get the money you put into that house back! 

The boyfriend in this story doesn't want to treat his relationship like a marriage, but his financially irresponsible girlfriend sure does! I can't imagine why.

Advertisement
  • A man and a woman standing next to each other
    via Lia Bekyan (Unsplash+)

    A couple who have very different ideas about what it means to be responsible with their money.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I the bad guy for telling my girlfriend that my money isn't "our money"?

    I've been dating my gf for over 2 years. I earn $95k working in corporate finance and she's a final year law student working part time. earning around $40k I think.
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • I'm not a baller obviously but I live with my parents and have minimal expenses, live frugally so I save a big chuck of my income. She on the other hand, is really bad with money. She doesn't
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • it away on or gambling and stuff but she'll buy expensive gifts for her friends or me, she'll treat people a lot to food, drinks, ubers and stuff.
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • Lobster and shrimp are served on a plate
    via Cliffer Rebelo

    An expensive lobster dinner that someone making $40K per year probably cannot afford without outside help.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • That's all nice things to do obviously, within reason. You have to think about yourself and your own finances too. She's a very giving and selfless person and has this "it's just money, I'll make more, it's all about the memories" attitude but,
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • you need money. You have to be smart and responsible with it which I've told her but she seems to think I'm just being 'cheap' and not 'living in the moment'. She says dumb things like "what good is your stock portfolio/savings if you d tmr" etc.
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • She was complaining yesterday about how she barely has savings and I was like no any ! Of course you don't have any savings! How would you? You're literally spending every dollar you get, how would anyone save doing that? Then she said well
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • it's not the end of the world if I run out because you've got some, right? I don't want to use your money but if I don't have any, you've got enough for the both of us, don't you?
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • I said woah okay, I don't have money for us. I have money for me. Granted, I'll spend my money on you like I'll pick up every 2 or 3 dinners for every one that you get, I'll buy us more snacks and pay for more dates etc. Because I earn more,
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • I'll pay more proportionally but this isn't our money. It's my money and you can't expect to basically use my money because you can't handle your own money.
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • Woman holding credit card and phone for online shopping
    via Vitaly Gariev

    The girlfriend spends her money frivolously. 

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I told her that financial incompatibility is the biggest reason for divorce and currently, we are financially incompatible and this needs to be fixed if we want to have a good relationship. I'm very
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • good with my money but I'm not 'cheap'. I spend it and have fun but do it in a smart way that doesn't leave me broke. You need to start being smart with your money and stop seeing my money as yours.
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • She got really mad and started calling me a selfish a ole and all this nonsense but I'm just speaking facts here. If she views my money as also hers, that is basically going to enable her to continue p g her money away and rely on me to be her personal ATM.
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • Edit: She is also living at home with her parents, pays no bills/rent or living expenses.
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • Caspian4136 NTA You're exactly right that right now, you two aren't financially compatible, especially if she already thinks she can just use your money however she wants. I think more discussions about this are in order. If she's willing, help her organize her finances better so she can start saving. She has the potential to earn big with her degree, but if she doesn't fix her spending habits, she'll still be broke.
    via u/Caspian4136
  • HUNGWHITEBOI25 Gotta love how the person who spends all THEIR money and demands money from others is calling OP the selfish one... This is what we would call a RED FLAG
    via u/HUNGWHITEBOI25
  • Open_Address_2805 OP She is incredibly against the idea of savings for some reason. I've never met someone who wants to actively sabotage their financial future this much. I've made her an Excel budgeting template to keep track of her income and expenses (I'm a finance guy) which she doesn't bother to use.
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • I opened up a high interest savings account for her to transfer up to half her paycheck into when she gets it wasn't open to that idea. Last time I checked, there was no money in it. I tried to teach her about ETFs, term deposits or just putting some money every month into an index fund or just literally any kind of basic financial literacy thing and she just doesn't want to do it.
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • You make a good point too, she can be a hotshot lawyer (which I'm sure she will) and bring in the big bucks but if she doesn't learn to manage her money, she won't be in any better of a position. If anything, she'll be up to her eyeballs in debt cause as your income goes up, your expenses will just go up with it unless you're disciplined with your spending.
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • Caspian4136 Honestly, it may be time to just call it with this relationship. If she's this reckless with money, it won't change once she's pulling in more. Imagine being married to someone like this??
    via u/Caspian4136
  • trinitrotolerance NTA The problem with her attitude isn't that you're unwilling to share, it's that the moment you do she will suddenly expand her current habits to the new "expanded" budget no matter what it is. Her presumption tells it all.
    via u/trinitrotolerance
  • Open_Address_2805 OP Yeah, I don't mind paying more. I think it makes sense for the higher earner to cover a higher proportion of the expenses. As things are now, I wouldn't expect her to go 50/50 with me on our shared expenses. Currently we cut it around 70/30 me which makes total sense because I earn more. If she earns double what I make, I'd expect the opposite.
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • The issue is her just being reckless with her personal spending. She can choose to buy cheaper gifts, or not treat people to food/drinks/Ubers as much. She can still do it, once in a while. Or ask the others to transfer if she does which is completely fine and people are happy to pay their share. Instead she's just burning through her money which then leads her to rely on me.
    via u/Open_Address_2805
  • Athenas_Return What is her plan when law school is done? It's hard out there for new grads and if she has student loans. those are just going to bite her in the a. She is nowhere near prepared for what is coming. Even if she starts making $125,000 a year, her student loan repayment could eat that up quickly.
    via u/Athenas_Return
  • PRisBroken NTA. You don't even live together, so I'm blown away she'd even have the nerve to say that! That's some high- end entitlement. It's not cute either. If she's bad with money and refuses to change, maybe consider where you see yourself in a year? And why?
    via u/PRisBroken
  • hengehanger NTA. She's your girlfriend, you should never join finances with a girl/boyfriend, personally I think separate finances even after marriage is the best idea. If you end up marrying this particular woman, I strongly recommend a sturdy prenup and very separate accounts.
    via u/hengehanger

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

boyfriend salary saving money job spending money gift giving frugal relationships girlfriend money
Scroll Down For The Next Article