16-year-old brother refuses to go to family therapy after finding out sister plans to use the session to blame him for their father's leaving: ‘She wished I didn't exist’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
May 5, 2026 2:00 PM EDT

The whole point of family therapy is for people to heal together and move forward, but that's often not the main goal of everyone who attends.

Sometimes, people want to use the therapy session to air out their feelings in a professional setting, without feeling obligated to spare anyone else's feelings. They don't want the situation to get better, and they are not interested in repairing their relationship with anyone there; they simply want to say their piece and leave.

That is basically what the 22-year-old sister below is looking for when she agreed to attend family therapy with her 16-year-old brother and their grandparents. She doesn't care about working on her broken relationship with them or moving past their issues; she wants to use the setting to air out everything "wrong" with her brother and leave.

When the two were just young kids, a 9-year-old and a 3-year-old, their father decided to leave and never return. The 9-year-old daughter decided to blame her clueless 3-year-old brother for their father leaving, and she still blames him 13 years later. For his entire childhood, he had to listen to his big sister's complaints about his entire existence, until their mother had had enough and demanded she move out when she was 18 years old.

Since then, the family has not been reunited until the grandparents decided it was time to try family therapy together. After refusing to give it a try, the sister decided to say yes, which the grandparents took as a good sign that the sister is finally ready to repair her relationship with her younger brother.

However, it has now become crystal clear that the only reason the sister said yes to family therapy is so that she would have a professional setting while she vents at her brother, as she has done for most of their lives. When the brother found that out, he became the one refusing family therapy, which is again causing distress to the entire family.

Can family therapy actually save this broken family?

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  • A young teen sitting on a brown wooden bench
    via Sid Suratia

    A young teen sitting on a brown wooden bench.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITAH for refusing to go to family therapy with the sister who hates me for our dad leaving?

    My grandparents want my sister (22f) and me (16m) to go to family therapy together. I guess they wanted that for a long time but my sister would always say no. But a few days ago she said
    via Scared-Today-5294
  • grandparents yes and now my think we can finally get along after forever and work on our relationship. But my sister didn't say she wanted to repair or work on our relationship. She said she
    via Scared-Today-5294
  • had a lot more s . to say to me and wanted me to feel the full weight of what I did to the family. So she basically wants to have a professional sitting there while she rages at me like she has for most of my life.
    via Scared-Today-5294
  • I don't have memories of our dad so I can only go off of what I was told. But our dad was apparently a really good dad to my sister. She was his princess and they were really close. But when I got to what's supposed to be talking
    via Scared-Today-5294
  • age I just didn't talk. I didn't say my first words at the typical point in a child's life and it required interventions. Our dad had zero patience for it and he would yell and cuss at me for not talking.
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  • Our mom had to step into protect me and she demanded he get help to work on his anger issues so he wasn't taking them out on me but he said he didn't want a different son and he didn't want me. Our mom said she wasn't giving up on me and he was like fine he'd just go.
    via Scared-Today-5294
  • He didn't want to pay any child support for me but he wanted to support and be there for my sister. Mom said that was not an option and I was still his child and I deserved that support. So when
    via Scared-Today-5294
  • our dad realized he wasn't going to get what he wanted he bailed as the divorce was being finalized. He quit his job, he moved and we didn't know where and he hasn't been in touch with any of us since. I was 3 and my sister was 9.
    via Scared-Today-5294
  • My sister blamed me and she has never forgiven me for our dad leaving. Mom had her in therapy and tried talking to and punishing her for how she treated me. My sister just got sneaky with it and she'd hide it from mom.
    via Scared-Today-5294
  • Female patient during therapy session
    via KatarzynaBialasiewicz

    Female patient during therapy session.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Sometimes I'd tell her but sometimes it would make things worse and I kept quiet. Mom told her it wasn't my fault and I couldn't help how I was. But my sister hated me for not speaking until I was 5 and then having a really bad speech issue. She'd say
    via Scared-Today-5294
  • things like she wasn't surprised dad left or her favorite thing was she'd rather have a dad than a sibling and I was useless and dumb anyway and she was embarrassed of me being so dumb I couldn't speak right. She
    via Scared-Today-5294
  • loved to say she would rather have a dad than sibling. She would tell me that in front of people who weren't our family. She told her friends, their parents, her teachers and other adults she knew that she wished I didn't exist so she could have a dad.
    via Scared-Today-5294
  • Mom stopped allowing my sister to come over after she turned 18. She said if my sister couldn't treat me respectfully then she wasn't coming over to buy me. Our grandparents didn't like it and said it was her choosing one kid
    via Scared-Today-5294
  • over the other. Mom told them if my sister could only bu y me and ab e me like he did then she needed to stay away.
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  • Mom said we are a family and she couldn't see it. She told her she should really go back to therapy and take it seriously this time but she wasn't going to let her ab e me in my own home.
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  • Mom is on my side re family therapy. She doesn't want me subjected to that kind of emotional ab e but my grandparents are pushing for it and they told me if I ever want a happy family I need to be willing to try and take some risks. AITAH?
    via Scared-Today-5294
  • Old_Bat282 NTA. The only way therapy has a chance of working is if your sister agrees to go to solo therapy with the family therapist first.
    via Old_Bat282
  • Top-Bit85 Are your grandparents your father's parents? You have suffered enough from your horrible sister. She must take after her terrible father. I'm glad your mom has your back.
    via Top-Bit85
  • Don't do the therapy. It's being set up as another attack. Your sister and the grandparents don't have to be in your life. Good luck.
    via Top-Bit85
  • StarGlass8859 NTA Your grandparents can go to family therapy with your sister; Since they are sure that she has no issue with you; They can join her to see for themselves what she has to say;
    via StarGlass8859

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family drama teenager kids brother mother therapy siblings aunt family grandparents sister women parents children Father
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