Manager accuses employee of being “too nice” to his team during performance review, leading employee to look for a new job: ‘I'm not good because my team likes me’

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Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
May 12, 2026 10:30 AM EDT

Can a manager be "too nice" to their employee? Is that even a thing?

Most employees, if not all, would never complain about a nice manager. Why would they? A nice manager means someone who knows when to praise someone for a job well done, someone who is not overbearing or toxic, and is ready to accept criticism when it is due. Any employee would sacrifice almost any other benefit at work for a nice manager, and many others would not think twice before leaving a job because of a manager who is the exact opposite.

When the manager below sat down with his boss for his yearly performance review, the last thing he was expecting to hear was criticism about him being too nice to his team. Apparently, the boss firmly believes that the team should fear the manager and that the manager needs to "be more of an alpha" to his employees.

Advocating for his team when they raise concerns or complaints? Big no no! Instead, this manager should command their respect and make them fear him. That is where the true strength of a manager lies.

… Or so this boss says.

After the performance review ended, this manager took time to reconsider his role in this company. Should he leave this workplace, full of people who don't appreciate kindness? Or should he listen to his boss's "advice" and drive his employees to work harder out of fear, and not out of respect?

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  • Two businessmen sitting on a couch
    via Curated Lifestyle

    Two businessmen sitting on a couch.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My manager spent our whole hour-long performance review telling me I’m too nice to my direct reports.

    I finally had a performance review for 2025 last week. This was a self-evaluation because my manager can't be bothered to do it himself. Anyway, we got to the second point out of 10 on the first of four pages.
    via milquetoast_wizard
  • And he spent the whole time telling me I am too nice to my direct reports and need to "be more of an alpha" to command their respect. Also that I "bh" too much because I advocate
    via milquetoast_wizard
  • for my team when they raise concerns or complaints. That took up the entirety of the time we had allotted for the review we had on Friday.
    via milquetoast_wizard
  • My wife is giving birth to our second child this weekend and he asked me to put something on the calendar for Monday to finish the conversation knowing full well I will have a newborn if not still in the hospital with my wife.
    via milquetoast_wizard
  • that it's not manly to take paternity leave and I should put the company first. They'll be surprised when they find out I'm taking full advantage of our companies 6 week
    via milquetoast_wizard
  • paternity leave policy since I already submitted the claim to the third party company they use.
    via milquetoast_wizard

  • It seems like being “too nice” is not the only problem this manager has at his job, so maybe it is time to find somewhere else. A workplace that would appreciate him for who he is, both as a manager and as an employee.

    Thankfully, this manager has something up his sleeve…

  • I have a third round interview with another company coming up. I was thinking of just using an offer to leverage a raise, but as I sat there listening to them
    via milquetoast_wizard
  • A meeting between two menA meeting between two men
    via Getty Images

    A meeting between two men.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • drone on about how actually I'm not good at "teamwork"because my team likes me instead of fears me I think that made the decision for me.
    via milquetoast_wizard
  • Danerys Targaryen If you get hired at the other job for more money, take it. Don't stay with your current company. And especially don't use a new job offer to leverage a raise; I've seen so
    via DanerysTargaryen
  • many posts where the person did that and they were fired or let go within 6 months. Company gives you a paltry raise and then replaces you because they know you've already got one foot out the door.
    via DanerysTargaryen
  • someonetookmyid Boss seems to be heavily influenced by manosphere c p. As for being reprimanded for taking paternity leave I'd bring it up to HR as concern. Why would boss reprimand you for actions within approved company policy. Also this might be unlawful in some countries.
    via someonetookmyid
  • Last thing regarding being an alpha- that's a clear signal boss just expects you to ride along with manosphere b which seems like a stupid idea to follow through.
    via someonetookmyid
  • mephistophelesdiabol I hope it works out and you get the new job, your current one doesn't deserve you and of those you manage, I'm sure some will definitely miss you when you leave.
    via mephistophelesdiabol
  • sleepiestOracle If you are in a single party recording state record every convo you have with this person. Don't ask me how I know. But they will get ya
    via sleepiestOracle
  • ku_78 Managers can be too nice when it comes to that one employee that fs things up for everyone else. But never stop advocating for your team
    via ku_78
  • Much Development7084 So basically, he's complaining that you're a good manager to your underlings. Because you're effective and they like you? If the other position gives you an offer. Take it.
    via MuchDevelopment7084
  • Significant-Dig-8099 Use the job offer to take a new job
    via Significant-Dig-8099

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boss workplace-stories employee manager job performance review teamwork Office workplace company quitting
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