Friend chewed out when she explains that she can't spend $1800 on a bride's destination bachelorette party, sparking debate over wedding obligations: 'I do not have the money'

If you had $2000 to spend on a vacation, where would you go and what would you do?

Most people would never dream of spending that kind of money on someone else's dream vacation, yet when this young woman refused to pay thousands for her close friend's destination bachelorette party, everyone scoffed at her. Heckled by the other girls, she was pressured to put money on a credit card, but she stood her ground and refused to pay for a vacation she could not afford.

In my humble opinion, the bachelorette party scene has gotten out of control.

Truthfully, every friend wants to celebrate their homie's eminent wedding, but there's a difference between celebrating a lovely, fruitful, rewarding marriage and dropping thousands of dollars on a selfish, chauvinistic "Me Party." Unless a bride is willing to front the costs of a big trip like that, they shouldn't expect or demand participants. Not everyone can afford to go into debt over raunchy little drinks, sparklers, and matching, pink, "I'm with the bride" t-shirts.

And it's not even particularly friendly to pressure your friends to do that anyway. If all of your buddies live in the same city, why are you celebrating a bachelorette party somewhere else? Why force everyone to feel obligated to participate in a vacation they don't necessarily want and might not even be able to fit on their calendar? Friends are taking out PTO days, buying flights, and spending money on accommodations, all for a regular ol' girls' weekend. Do brides realize you can do that at home?

Opting for a mature response to her friend's bachelorette party announcement, this young, frugal woman refused up front. She offered to participate in other, more affordable ways, but she let them know months in advance that she couldn't spend that kind of money on a bach weekend. Offended and petty, this mature response was met with contempt and put the modern bachelorette expectations in question. How much should brides really expect from their friends?

There is a line that has been crossed in recent years where every bride wants the Tumblr wedding experience, but they're living in a fantasyland if they believe that every one of their friends should have to bankroll that vision board.

via Pexels (Margo Evardson)

_{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}
"AITAH for telling my close friend I probably cannot do her destination bachelorette after she announced the location and the cost
"I love this friend. we have been close for seven years. I want to celebrate her. I genuinely mean that."
“she announced the bachelorette last month. four nights, a city neither of us lives in, the kind of trip where the activities alone are going to run several hundred dollars before flights and accommodation. the maid of honor sent a preliminary budget breakdown and my share comes out to somewhere between fourteen and eighteen hundred dollars depending on how some of the shared costs land.”
“I am not in a position to spend that right now. I had some unexpected expenses earlier this year that wiped out what I had saved and I am still rebuilding. fourteen hundred dollars is not a rounding error for me at this moment.”
“I told my friend privately, just her, before I said anything to the group. I said I loved her, I wanted to be there, and I was looking at the numbers and did not think I could make it work at that cost. I asked if there was a way to participate in some parts without the full trip or if she wanted me to step back from the planning group so I was not a complication.”
"she got quiet. then she said she had really counted on me being there and it felt like I was choosing not to prioritize her. I said I was not choosing anything. I do not have the money."
via Canva+ (Johnce)

_{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}
"her maid of honor texted me the next day saying the group was disappointed and asked if I could maybe put it on a card and deal with it later. I have been dealing with stuff I put on a card and dealt with later for six months. that is why I am in this position.
"AITAH for telling her early instead of just not showing up?"
Eva-Campos
NTA. You did the right thing telling her early and privately. Going into debt for a bachelorette party is wild, and suggesting you put it on a card is honestly terrible advice.
derzyniker805
No this Bridezilla stuff is out of control. Expecting people to fork over tons of money to celebrate the fact that you are getting married is so self absorbed. The parents are probably handling most of the costs, the couple is getting celebrated, they'll be getting tons of gifts... and they still want to guilt their friends if they can't afford to play along with their giant production.
Is SHE going to spend $1800 on your bachelorette? No I can tell you right now that when that day comes along she'll be like "I'm so sorry but we just had a kid and I have to stay home with the kid"... And that'll be after her baby shower which you also spent a bunch of money for.,
via Pexels (Miona film)

_{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}
This-Draft797
Her reaction means she’s not actually your friend and honestly I would start distancing yourself now. A friend would NEVER suggest to spend money on a credit card you can’t afford for this, they would be understanding and gracious and even apologetic for planning something out your budget. I was once maid of honour for someone like this, friends for over 15 years, don’t speak anymore. And these were the kind of red flags I ignored. You are not the AH but I think it’s time to find some friends that arent AHs

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