Retail manager buys coffee for colleagues, girlfriend protests because some of them are women: 'I never get jealous about the small things'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 2, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

Some insecurity is normal in a relationship; making problems because of it isn't.

No matter what we might like to tell ourselves, most of us are capable of being a little jealous when it comes to those we are dating. It's not nice to think that the special attention we thought was reserved for us might be shared with other people as well; sometimes it pays to be attentive to the small things, as it may add up to a bigger problem later on.

At the same time, it isn't worth making yourself upset over something that you are never going to have complete control over. Also, there is a fine line between having reasonable worries and demanding that your partner restrict and change their behaviors in ways that are hallmarks of an unhealthy relationship. If you can't trust the person you are with to go out into the world and interact in a way that respects both their autonomy and your connection to them, why would you persist with the relationship at all?

It's common for couples to argue about appropriate behavior towards other people, but that doesn't mean that it is always right to have an argument in the first place. Basic courtesy and friendliness towards the gender your partner is attracted to does not immediately equal a desire to cheat.

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  • A representation of a man talking on a cell phone while he holds four takeout coffees in a cardboard holder
    via Josué Sánchez (Unsplash+)

    A representation of a man talking on a cell phone while he holds four takeout coffees in a cardboard holder

  • A man who managed a retail store felt like he was doing a nice gesture for his employees when he bought them all coffee as a token of appreciation for the work that they did. After doing so, he called his girlfriend and talked about what he had done.

    His girlfriend was not happy about him buying coffee for his coworkers, reasoning that it was inappropriate because some of them were women. The manager didn't think that it was that serious, but that only escalated her upset. He wanted to know if he was in the wrong.

  • Am I wrong for buying coffee for my associates and some of them happen to be females?

    I'm (26M) a manager at a retail store and bought all my associates coffee. Some of them happen to be female associates. I appreciate their work, and wanna do something nice every once in a while. On my break, I called my
    via Natural_Oil_8944
  • girlfriend (26F) and got their drinks. She told me she "feels a type of way" about it because other females were involved and got a little upset. I played it off in a joking way, as I didn't think it was all that serious. She then got even more upset and demanded an apology and
    via Natural_Oil_8944
  • reassurance. I'm not huge on being made to feel bad about something that really shouldn't be a big deal. I feel jealousy is toxic, to a certain extent. I'm a very trusting person and never really get jealous about small things. AITAH for being upset about her being upset?
    via Natural_Oil_8944
  • A representation of a man talking on a cell phone, throwing several takeout coffees he is holding up in the air
    via Josué Sánchez (Unsplash+)

    A representation of a man talking on a cell phone, throwing several takeout coffees he is holding up in the air

  • Straight_Caregiver27 NTA How long have you been - dating her? I am female and would have zero problem with my husband buying female co- workers coffee...and how weird would it have been to just buy your male co-workers coffee??
    via Straight_Caregiver27
  • SokeSleezy NTA she needs to grow up. You brought drinks for everyone she's being ridiculous
    via SokeSleezy
  • xo_britny You would be the AH if you bought only the guys in the store coffee! If your gf cant see that, she is not only extremely insecure and also rude. Maybe its cuz I'm raised on southern manners, but gosh, if
    via xo_britny
  • someone from my office specifically only bought the treat for their gender, id be like wtf.
    via xo_britny
  • virtualghost123 NTA. You're the manager. You're treating all employees the same. You're girlfriend needs to grow up and deal with whatever insecurities she has and not lay them at your feet. That's absolutely ridiculous.
    via virtualghost123
  • wearexcosmicdust Not an AH. You were buying for a group of coworkers and it's not like you were hiding anything. GF needs to check her insecurity and stop being controlling. That seems like a big red flag at 26.
    via wearexcosmicdust
  • lihzee NTA. But call them "women." Your girlfriend is being really insecure. It's not like you only bought coffee for the women you work with or something.
    via lihzee
  • myocardia27 Your gf sounds insecure. That's a pretty normal and nice thing to do for coworkers. NTA
    via myocardia27
  • Feisty-Engineer4479 NTA - find a new girlfried, this one is going to be jealous over every little thing.
    via Feisty-Engineer4479
  • Frosty_Sun 1884 No, you are a manager treating your staff. Girlfriend needs to understand that.
    via Frosty_Sun_1884
  • Straight_Mind_5192 If you truly bought for everyone then no, you're NTA, you're a cool af manager and your girlfriend is insecure and should work on that
    via Straight_Mind_5192
  • Cursed_Angel_ NTA - at least where I work people buy each other coffee all the time. It's just a nice thing to do. Your gf is unhinged.
    via Cursed_Angel_

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coworkers relationships jealousy workplace
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