Inexperienced cat owner gets discouraged by newly adopted cats hiding from them, until online feline family saves their kittens from getting rehomed: 'This is quite normal'

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Blake Seidel • Managing Editor & Brand Manager
Jun 9, 2026 3:00 PM EDT

There's no training manual for raising cats, but there are a lot of pawsitively educated folks to help you if you stumble along the way!

Being a first-time cat owner can be very intimidating. You have so many new things to buy and everything to prepare for a new feline friend entering your home. The first thing you need to understand is that, soon enough, it will be their home. But until you get to that point, you have a lot of uncomfortable time where you and your new cat are figuring each other out. In the best-case scenario, your cat waltzes into their new home and immediately feels safe to explore. In the worst case, it can take months for your cat to start to come out of hiding. 

Every cat is different, but most cats are likely to follow the 3-3-3 rule. They need 3 days to decompress (we all know that cats are not good with change), 3 weeks to learn their new routines (imagine moving in with a new roommate that doesn't speak your language - it takes time to get to know each other!), and 3 months to start to feel comfortable showing off their purrsonality. 

So when our cat pawrent wrote in Reddit's r/CatAdvice subreddit about his cats still hiding from him after 5 days, we couldn't help but chuckle because of how cute it is. This purrson was so worried that their new cats didn't like them when they simply just weren't given enough time to process their new environment. Patience is key as a feline pawrent, and this is the first step to learning how to deal with cats' (many) boundaries. 

There may not be a training manual, but there is a whole internet full of cat lovers with plenty of expurrience in raising cats. Thanks to our wholesome and loving kitty community, these newly adopted cats got saved from getting rehomed, and our inexperienced pawrent learned their first valuable lesson in pawrenthood: the pace of your life is now dependent on a tiny, fuzzy creature that bosses you around. Get used to it, embrace it, and you'll have a best friend for life.

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  • 01
    '[I'm] having serious regrets'
    via Curated Lifestyle For Unsplash+

    Cat model hiding in newly adopted home

  • 02
    For some background, I moved out of my parents house into a one bedroom by myself a little over a month ago now. From the get-go I knew I would get lonely and would need a pet to keep me partially sane. I wanted a dog, but my mom convinced me a cat would be a better fit for my schedule. I love cats!
    via double_A_swizzle
  • 03
    I'm just not an experienced owner. So about two weeks ago now I adopted a very shy kitty and have been leaving her alone for the most part. Come to find out she is half of a bonded pair, so I went ahead and adopted her other half as well without much thought. He's been here about 5 days now.
    via double_A_swizzle
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10636940032
    via Terry Zhong

    Two bonded kittens napping in their new home, as represented by models

  • 05
    So now I have two very shy cats who only hide under my bed, only come out to eat, drink, and use the litter box. Even with that they only do those things if I'm not in the room, asleep, or at work.
    via double_A_swizzle

  • It took our first cat around 2 months to start to come out of her shell. It's hard because you can't explain to them that they're safe in your house and that's all you want for them. Like we said above, you have to move at their pace. But eventually, if you give them enough space, love, and treats, they'll slowly understand that you're only there to make their lives better. Trusting someone new is hard, and earning a cat's trust is pawsitively difficult. But once you do, you'll be “their purrson” for life.

  • 06
    I'm trying to be patient but I'm so worried I just took them out of a place where they were comfortable and now they're scared every day. The lady I adopted them from has suggested getting one of those large kennels and putting them in there so their environment is more controlled.
    via double_A_swizzle
  • 07
    Does anyone have any advice on that front? Does anyone else feel this huge wave of guilt after adopting? They're good cats! But I don't feel like a pet owner, I feel like I have roommates that I need to walk on eggshells around. I'm lonely. I just want a friend.
    via double_A_swizzle
  • 08
    tl;dr: new cats want nothing to do with me and I'm having regrets/considering giving them back. Any advice?
    via double_A_swizzle
  • 09
    Thank you all for the encouragement and all of the resources and advice, it's seriously so helpful. I think I've just been overwhelmed myself and began to feel guilty, thinking that I had somehow scared them too badly to actually feel safe in my home. I had no clue it was so normal for a new cat, it's oddly comforting knowing that. I will be keeping the kitties and I'm going to give them more time, I just need to be patient
    via double_A_swizzle
  • 10
    Bright-Error-7910 You should've read all the adoption regret stories on here. It's all the same, expect cats in 5 days or less to magically be cuddly/feel safe/interact with the person that adopted them.
    via Bright-Error-7910
  • 11
    Follow the 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months rule. Cats don't like change and some cats are even more stressed due to change.
    via Bright-Error-7910
  • 12
    It takes TIME and PATIENCE. Bonding can just be you sitting next to them reading a book and talking to them so they can hear your voice.
    via Bright-Error-7910
  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 10636940288
    via Vitalii Khodzinskyi

    Anxious cat (model) hiding behind a door

  • 14
    bilbul168 patience, they are living beings who do not know what is going on. Think about how long it takes you to adjust to a new environment. Study Jackson Galaxy youtube videos. it takes abou a month for very shy cats, less for more social
    via bilbul168
  • 15
    CobblerBeautiful5726 There's a 3-3-3 rule. Three days for the animal to figure out "what the just happened!" Then three weeks to figure out "Is this new place/person safe?" And finally, three months for the animal to say, "Hey, I can be myself here."
    via CobblerBeautiful5726
  • 16
    Depending on the animal's personality, age, species, etc., this might take more or less time at each phase. Just hang out in your room with the cats. Read a book. Speak quietly. Get some Churu or other licky treats and offer them. Just give them time.
    via CobblerBeautiful5726
  • 17
    Elliejane420 • 14h ago You don't need to put them in a kennel that will just make them feel trapped. It concerns me that that was the advice of the foster. All you need to do is keep being chill in their presence. Don't have guests over yet, don't play loud music or watch movies at a loud volume.
    via Elliejane420
  • 18
    Don't be yelling or running around the house. Which I'm sure is all obvious but you know. Get them some fun toys that you can play with them at a distance with like string toys. Or a laser pointer. Get them some fun snacks and just keep trying to give them snacks. As
    via Elliejane420
  • 19
    they see that you are the person who feeds them and gives them water and cleans their litter box they will come around. Two weeks is not a very long time. I wouldn't start getting concerned until after 2 months. If it two months they still hide from you then it's probably not a good fit.
    via Elliejane420
  • 20
    smurfette8675309 My cat was very shy when I got him. It took probably four months before he'd approach me for pets. Now he won't leave me alone. Churu helped, Now, he's extra annoying when he wants a Churu.
    via smurfette8675309
  • 21
    farming_cermits Cats are a LOT like people i find (ive had cats my whole life), both in terms of taking a while to form a close friendship and trust, and also in terms of having very strong boundaries. A one bedroom apartment can also be very stressful because they feel trapped
    via farming_cermits
  • 22
    with a stranger in a small space. Later it will stress them out because they will be bored and pent up. My top tips are whilst you wait for them to get to know you, is to work on catifying your place - because
    via farming_cermits
  • 23
    happy cats are calmer and more loving, which will help you have a better relationship. Get a tall cat tree (i have one that is floor to ceiling) so they have a safe place up above to go when they need alone time or a place where they feel safe. I try to make a rule
    via farming_cermits
  • 24
    that i never ever grab or pick up my cats when they are on their cat tree, or touch them at all when they are at the top so that it feels like they have a spot where they are in control. I know i would need that, so i know they do too.
    via farming_cermits
  • 25
    Get some cat tunnels, they are great for them to play together in, play pretend hunting games by themselves, or again a safe space to hide when they need it.
    via farming_cermits
  • 26
    Get a nice BIG litter box. My cats are neat freaks and get very very upset with small litterboxes as they stink more and have less clean spaces to step on to do their business. I like a large storage tote that is taller than they are sitting down, and twice as long as they
    via farming_cermits
  • 27
    are. I put mine in a cupboard with a battery motion activated light, and i used a hair dryer and stanley knife to cut holes in the lid for them to jump down through (my boy pees standing up so we need top entry litter boxes to contain it).
    via farming_cermits
  • 28
    They love routine, breakfast and dinner at the same time every day, playtime before bed so they sleep better, litter scooping every day. You are going to have a great time! It takes a while to learn their personalities, but once you do you will have 2 new bestfriends.
    via farming_cermits
  • 29
    Perfect-Parfait-9866 Dude it took me 3 months for my cat to warm up to me. Now she sleeps with me every night. Please give it more time. 2-3 months is normal. But maybe 3 months tops and it will be heaven
    via Perfect-Parfait-9866
  • 30
    Pour_Me_Another_ This is quite normal and nothing to overly worry about. Some cats just take a bit more time than others. New smells and new territory is quite scary for a lot of them. Once they get used to you, they'll start to come out. As long as you see evidence of them eating and using the litter box, they'll be okay.
    via Pour_Me_Another_

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scared cats 3-3-3 rule new cat owner cat advice
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