Friend's Daughter Invites Former Baker to Wedding, Demands She Bring 200 Desserts as a Wedding Gift

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 15, 2026 1:15 PM EDT

What is a reasonable expectation for the contribution of a wedding guest?

When it comes to attending a wedding as a guest and not part of the bridal party, people usually assume that their role is pretty minimal. All they have to do is turn up in an appropriate outfit, look happy for the recently married, and not do anything that could be construed as causing drama. Buy something appropriate from the gift registry, and the performance is complete.

However, these days, there is no accounting for the wild requests that the happy couple may come up with in the name of having the perfect day. They want people to put in at least a fraction of the effort that they have. Whether this is practical or justified is another thing entirely, and it can easily turn what should be a nice moment into resentment from guests who should be wishing them well. 

It is unlikely that most invitees want to upset the bride or groom, but they will worry about doing that when they feel like they can not live up to their lofty expectations. Sensitivity is required when handling a scenario where a wedding guest can't deliver what was hoped for.

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  • A model representing an older woman picking up a wooden spoon in a kitchen
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A model representing an older woman picking up a wooden spoon in a kitchen

  • A former bakery owner was invited to the wedding of her friend's older daughter, thanks to her friend explaining the significance of her to the bride. She thought that this was a nice gesture until she eventually got the invitation to the event, which specifically requested that she make 200 of her bakery's most famous dessert instead of getting them a gift.

    She felt that this was a totally unreasonable request, as she no longer had a commercial kitchen, and the desserts had to be stored in a way that was impossible to maintain when travelling two hours in a car to the wedding. She wasn't sure if she was being unreasonable for declining the invite on this principle.

  • Am I wrong for simmering over a wedding invite that included a request for 200 desserts?

    My friend J. and I go back to our very first jobs in our field, and we've been close for over 40 years, with a couple of neutral silences--I was dealing the potential breakup of my marriage, she had a child with b a. The older child, her daughter, has been engaged for a
    via Bookhead_212
  • couple of years and the wedding is in August. J. said she went to some trouble to "clear" the invite for me; her daughter envisioned a wedding in a giant barn with just the closest of friends and family, about 175 people. J. had to tell
    via Bookhead_212
  • her, about me, "she's my best friend!" before it was agreed to. Her daughter's solution was to invite me, but to say in the invite, "In lieu of a wedding present, please bring 200 of your famous which was a refrigerated dessert that ||
    via Bookhead_212
  • A representation of a wedding invitation that says ‘we are getting married’ sitting on top of a notebook
    via micheile henderson

    A representation of a wedding invitation that says 'we are getting married' sitting on top of a notebook

  • made the New York Times when I owned a bakery, bringing us some kind of fame and good repeat business. I have not had the commercial kitchen for 10 years.
    via Bookhead_212
  • This dessert has to be refrigerated if it's not served immediately, and as I said it is to be a barn wedding. Plus the drive to the wedding, with 200 desserts in the trunk and backseat, takes almost four hours.
    via Bookhead_212
  • AITAH for being mad about this? My friend J. would do anything for her children, at her own expense. This feels as if it's at my expense, and I'm so resentful that I might "come down with pneumonia" the day before the
    via Bookhead_212
  • wedding and skip it. But that's not friendship, of course. Weddings make everyone insane. I appreciate your input--this is gnawing at me.
    via Bookhead_212
  • A model representing an older woman washing a dish in a kitchen sink
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A model representing an older woman washing a dish in a kitchen sink

  • virtualghost123 F that. NTA. I'd politely decline and send them a price list from your business. You're friend is an AH for even letting her daughter send that.
    via virtualghost123
  • leytonscomet 200 of a handmade dessert is definitely more expensive than anything else she registered for
    via leytonscomet
  • BlueButterfly77 If anybody had to "go to some trouble to CLEAR an invite" for me to ANY event, that would be an auto NO!
    via BlueButterfly77
  • Ok_Stable7501 This is not a realistic ask. NTA. But decline. Don't stand them up.
    via Ok_Stable7501
  • DSBS18 Just say no, that you can't make the desserts, explain you no longer have a commercial kitchen and it's impossible. I would be mad, too. It's like you're being
    via DSBS18
  • offered a deal, you can come "if". It's kind of r de to expect that you provide an expensive component to the reception in exchange for your invitation. I wouldn't even want to go if this is what was proposed to me.
    via DSBS18
  • Due_River_9746 I would not do this and I would not lie about why I was not doing it
    via Due_River_9746
  • Tiny-Tailor5799 How insulting this is !!! Call the behavior on bride and mother what it is. You are NTA for declining, NTA for not supplying....decline with dignity and go forward with no regrets!!
    via Tiny-Tailor5799
  • ragdoll1022 Decline the invite. It's not a summons
    via ragdoll1022
  • Appropriate_Storm1 NTA. Since when is 175 guests considered small and intimate?!? The friend and her daughter sound exhausting and entitled.
    via Appropriate_Storm1

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