Biological dad refuses to let estranged daughter access her birth certificate after she changed her last name to her stepdad's last name: 'He has zero legal custody over me.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jun 24, 2026 7:45 AM EDT

Why is he so insistent on having a relationship with someone who clearly wants nothing to do with him, and for good reasons!

One of the best things about being an adult is that you don't have to have a relationship with anyone you don't want to. I'm not advocating cutting off your parents for no good reason or refusing to maintain any friendships because they're an inconvenience to you. Many relationships in life are worth fighting for, even if they're nowhere near perfect. But if being in contact with somebody causes more pain and suffering than it does joy, then you have all the power in the world to let that relationship go. Nobody is forcing you to be around your horrible family, but it is easier said than done to cut them off if they're a huge part of your social world. Still, sometimes the decision to go no-contact with someone is easy. It's easy to never see someone again who has never put much effort into seeing you in the first place. 

It's easy to abandon your deadbeat dad the same way that he abandoned you, but sometimes you need something from him. If he's holding your Social Security card hostage, you might be forced to try to have a relationship with him so you can get it back. The young lady in this story is struggling because she needs her dad's permission to change her name on her birth certificate, or so she thinks!

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  • Cheezburger Image 10641630976
    via Izzy Park

    A representation of a father who will only let his daughter change her name on her birth certificate if she spends time with him, despite the fact that he's never made the effort to spend time with her. 

  • My biological dad, who has never had custody of me, is preventing me from getting a birth certificate because I won’t text him back.

    Recently I got my name legally changed to my stepdads last name and its 100% official. Now I've been wanting to get my license and in doing so I need a new birth
    via u/BunniStealsCars
  • Cheezburger Image 10641631488
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A model of a teenage girl, who wants to get her driver's license, but might not because her birth certificate doesn't match her new legal name with her stepdad's last name. 

  • certificate but the only way I can get one is if my biological dad presents ID. At first, my biological dad wouldn't respond to texts
    via u/BunniStealsCars
  • until being pressured by my mom. Now they've scheduled an appointment for Wednesday but Father's Day came up and I didn't post him for Father's Day
    via u/BunniStealsCars
  • and now he's mad. He told my mom unless I respond to his texts he won't come to their meeting Wednesday. I plan on responding but there's no way this is
    via u/BunniStealsCars
  • allowed. To clear some things, he has zero legal custody over me and we are mostly no contact unless he decides to take me somewhere that benefits
    via u/BunniStealsCars
  • him which is usually twice a year maybe My main question is WHY does he have so much control over my life and my whole future with the whole birth certificate
    via u/BunniStealsCars
  • thing when he doesn't do ANYTHING And is there any way I can remove this control other than filing for abandonment?
    via u/BunniStealsCars

    My location is North Carolina.

  • Cheezburger Image 10641653504
    via Wes Hicks

    Charlotte, North Carolina, during the nighttime

  • dragonpromise Why would you need a copy of your dad's ID? Surely your mom can provide her ID?
    via u/dragonpromise
  • BunniStealsCars OP You need both biological parents id
    via u/BunniStealsCars
  • NavyGirl04 When I got my daughters birth certificate, they didn't need anything from her father. I live in another state and simply applied online and included a copy of my ID and paid for the certificate and shipping.
    via u/NavyGirl04
  • BunniStealsCars OP It's because I got my name legally changed, I could do that if I just wanted a copy of my birth certificate but now I need a whole new one
    via u/BunniStealsCars
  • Glittering-Lead246 I think there might be confusion here. It sounds like what you actually want to do is legally amend your birth certificate with the new last name and if that's the case, you do need both parents to sign off unless you can get a special exception granted. If your name has already been changed via court order then you should only need the court order and your mom. If you're only trying to get an original copy of your birth certificate, just your mom is enough.
    via u/Glittering-Lead246
  • BunniStealsCars OP Yes this is it!!! Omg I knew I wasn't crazy. So how would be able to obtain the exception to where only my mom is required to amend the birth certificate?
    via u/BunniStealsCars
  • Mr_Badgey You don't need to amend your birth certificate to get your license. As others have stated get a copy of the original certificate and the paperwork for your name change. I'm sure you have reasons for wanting to amend your birth certificate, but handle that as a separate matter. Concentrate on getting your license first and worry about the amendment after.
    via u/Mr_Badgey
  • SquiddlyB You don't NEED an entirely new certificate. Your original birth certificate and the court documents for your name change are enough. Get the birth certificate for 20$ on vitalchek, take the court order with that to the dmv. Voila.
    via u/SquiddlyB

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Tags

birth certificate deadbeat dad North Carolina stepdad estranged daughter mom
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