Woman starts doubting her boyfriend because he does not want to invite her to his house, even though he lives really close by: ‘I'm giving him an ultimatum of 2 weeks to show me his home, or we're done.’

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Jun 29, 2026 5:15 PM EDT

Relationships can be complicated, but sometimes they just don't work. We need to learn how to notice when the couple is not working.

With all kinds of relationships, we have this problem of wanting to justify the person who is not contributing to the relationship by making excuses because we are afraid to admit that something is not working, to admit that we are wrong about someone. It's actually brave to notice when something isn't working and point it out. Is important to be capable of explaining yourself when you are uncomfortable with something. Nobody is going to do it for you. You have to be able to speak your mind and say what is on your mind. It is unhealthy to keep everything to yourself without expressing it.

In this Reddit story, this user is facing an obvious situation, but she is so concentrated on the relationship and trying to preserve it that she isn't seeing the bigger picture. Her boyfriend doesn't want her to see his house, even though they live really near. When she confronts him, they agree to wait 3 weeks for him to show him his house. This is not only insanely weird but also problematic. Why would someone need 3 whole weeks to show you their house? According to him is because it is untidy, but it would need to be a hoarder situation to need 3 weeks to clean an apartment. The reality of this situation is that most probably he has another girlfriend and probably lives with her.

What is important about this situation is not the reason why he is hiding in his apartment. The important thing is that the girl is not seeing the full picture at all. She does not see –or ignores– the big red flag flagging in her face. Start noticing patterns and warning signs before you commit to a serious relationship.
 

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  • 01
    Visual representation of an untidy room.
    via Wonderlane

    Visual representation of an untidy room. 

  • 02
    Hi, I've been dating a guy for almost 3 months now.
    via LuluRatLady
  • 03
    We literally live a 15 minutes walking distance away from each other, so we hang out almost daily. He comes over at my place to watch movies, eat dinner and play games together.
    via LuluRatLady
  • 04
    But, he refuses to invite me over to his place. Everytime I ask him to hang out at his place he tells me it's too messy and he doesn't want me to see it.
    via LuluRatLady
  • 05
    He lives in a small appartment and has loads of free time to clean. I also offered to help him clean his home several times but he refuses. He rejected the idea of hiring a proffessional cleaner too.
    via LuluRatLady
  • 06
    I don't want us to only hang out at my home everytime, and I've asked him to clean his home so many times now, I even said I don't care about it being a mess. I just want my bf to invite me over. He claims he is cleaning bit by bit. But that's what he's been saying for 3 months now.
    via LuluRatLady
  • 07
    Last week I was fed up with it and told him I'm giving him and ultimatum of 2 weeks to show me his home or we're done. He asked me for a month. Eventually we settled on 3 weeks, but he said he probably won't make it. (Keep in mind this is a single person appartment, so real small and he has all the time in the world)
    via LuluRatLady
  • 08
    heyymaddy123 are you sure you're the only one?
    via heyymaddy123
  • 09
    ProfessionalYam3119 Which is worse? A. He's a hoarder B. He's a liar.
    via ProfessionalYam3119
  • 10
    BulbasaurRanch You're going to be single in three weeks
    via BulbasaurRanch
  • 11
    TexasGirl729 NTA but you can probably go ahead and end it now. He lives with someone. Either a partner, parents or something else along those lines.
    via TexasGirl729
  • 12
    witchbrew7 Sweetie you're the side chick.
    via witchbrew7
  • 13
    Emergency-Paint-6457 My current theories: -he lives with his parents and is embarrassed -lives with his gf or ex gf -hoarder
    via Emergency-Paint-6457
  • 14
    Thistime232 Something is strange. 3 months dating, you live incredibly close, and still he refuses to show you his place. That's not normal.
    via Thistime232
  • 15
    swingmadacrossthesun Girl. Come on. His apartment is not that messy. There is someone else living in it with him.
    via swingmadacrossthesun
  • 16
    SilverWolfVs1 Do NOT start to clean for a man thinking you are helping him. somehow. It will become the norm and it will be expected from you, unless you actually want that.
    via SilverWolfVs1
  • 17
    Chickennoodle_zoop Major red flag here! Do you really want to move forward with someone who can't clean up after themselves? You'll be doing that the rest of their lives!! Or there's something else he's hiding. Honestly, let him go. It's weird.
    via Chickennoodle_zoop
  • 18
    A man and a woman hugging, model image.
    via Candice Picard

    A man and a woman hugging, model image. 

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relationship advice bad boyfriend hoarders cheating boyfriend
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