Parents threaten to cut their 20-year-old daughter off if she goes to New York City for 10 days for a fully-funded research trip: 'My role in my family makes me like a 3rd parent, yet I am micromanaged like a child.'

Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor

Jun 28, 2026 7:45 AM EDT

Why won't they let her spread her wings and fly?

The goal of parenthood should be to raise kids who can function independently. Of course, some kids will always need to live with their parents for reasons beyond their control. But for most parents, they should do everything they can to ensure their kids enter adulthood confident, not needing to rely on them. That's the good thing about college. It allows very young adults to spread their wings without their parents, while still providing the structure they need. If a kid can thrive in college without their parents, there's a good chance they'll thrive in the working world, too!

So many parents don't want their kids to spread their wings for a multitude of reasons. Some parents rely so heavily on their children to do household work that they don't want them to move out, even when it's developmentally appropriate and they can afford it. A lot of parents emotionally rely upon their children, using them as therapists. There's no shortage of parents who just have an anxiety disorder and think that their kid is going to be in grave danger if they leave home, even for a brief period.

The parents in this story have all of these complexes, and more. They don't want their daughter to pursue something that could be huge for her future because they're scared and don't think she's responsible enough. If she was responsible enough to get this research gig, I think she's responsible enough to follow through on it.

via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

_{A model of a 20-year-old girl visiting New York City to do research that will be beneficial for her future career.}
Am I the bad guy for going on a fully-funded research trip if it means my parents will cut me off?

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_{An urban college campus in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where students use their street smarts to get around just like students in New York City.}
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_{A New York City Subway train, which, according to some, is easy to use to navigate the city, even if you're traveling from out of town and are not used to using public transportation in your day-to-day life.}
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