Bride-to-be asks her lifelong best friend to be maid of honor, then sends her a spreadsheet showing it will cost $4,700 to participate: ‘Money is part of showing up’

Author image for Cata Holmes
Cata Holmes • Writer
Jun 30, 2026 6:00 AM EDT

Would you spend $4,700 to stand beside your best friend on her wedding day?

After being asked to serve as maid of honor in her best friend's wedding, a woman was shocked to receive a spreadsheet estimating that the role would cost her nearly $4,700. When she explained that the expense wasn't realistic for her budget, the bride implied that financial sacrifices were part of proving friendship, leaving her questioning whether 17 years of loyalty suddenly came with a price tag.

I've come across a lot of stories starring crazy brides that expects her guest to put their lifelong savings into their wedding. And apparently, this one is not the exception. The craziest part is that the bride asks her best friend to be her maid of honor. We're talking about her best friend of almost 17 years… and she automatically sent her the sheet that indicates that everything will cost almost $5000.

The maid of honor, of course, cannot afford that amount of money, and the bride almost lost it when she got that message. Instead of telling you the end of the story and what happened with those friends, I have some thoughts about this. I don't think it's appropriate to think that your guests have to spend a lot of money just to be involved in the wedding. It's absurd.

And especially when the woman getting married is your best friend. I could not, for the life of me, expect my friends to pay that amount of money in clothes and accessories just to be my maid of honor or bridesmaid.  Maybe it's because I have a much simpler taste, but that seems outrageous, and I would rather have them spend that on a holiday all together than on my wedding night.

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  • Two lifelong friends smile together at a wedding venue
    via Unsplash+ (via Collins Lesulie)

    Two lifelong friends smile together at a wedding venue.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My best friend got engaged in April. I was genuinely happy for her. We have known each other since middle school and always said we would be in each other's weddings. Last week she asked me to be her maid of honor.
    via West-Environment3462
  • Then she sent me the spreadsheet.
    via West-Environment3462
  • Dress, alterations, shoes, hair, makeup, bridal shower contribution, bachelorette Airbnb, flights, decorations, matching pajamas, dinner reservations, group activity, emergency wedding fund and a few things I still do not fully understand.
    via West-Environment3462
  • My estimated total is 4700$
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  • I thought maybe I was reading it wrong. I called her and said I was honored but that number is not realistic for me. I have some money saved up on rollingriches but i also have rent, student loans and my car needed repairs last month. I can do the dress. I can help plan and show up.
    via West-Environment3462
  • I cannot spend almost five grand being a bridesmaid. She got quiet and said she really needed people around her who were all in. I asked what that meant. She said this is once in her life and she did not want to spend the next year managing other people's limitations.
    via West-Environment3462
  • That sentence has been sitting in my chest since.
    via West-Environment3462
  • I told her I was not trying to make her wedding about money. She said money is part of showing up, whether people want to admit it or not. I ended the call politely but I have not answered the group chat since.
    via West-Environment3462
  • The other bridesmaids are acting like this is normal and one of them already sent Venmo requests for the Airbnb deposit. I feel embarrassed, honestly. Like I failed some adulthood test where everyone else can casually absorb thousands of dollars for someone else's wedding.
    via West-Environment3462
  • But another part of me is angry. I have loved her for 17 years. I have shown up for breakups, funerals, panic attacks, bad apartments, worse boyfriends and everything in between. I did not know my friendship had a minimum spend.
    via West-Environment3462
  • Would you step down or try to make it work somehow?
    via West-Environment3462
  • Bride poses with her bridesmaids holding bouquets during an outdoor wedding
    via Unsplash+ (via Kari Bjorn Photography)

    Bride poses with her bridesmaids holding bouquets during an outdoor wedding.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • DazzlingPotion Step down. You'll regret it if you don't. And my bet is you can expect the costs to increase from her spreadsheet estimate.
    via West-Environment3462
  • DifferentReality6353 $4700 is a crazy ask for anyone even when you have the money. If she's a true friend she wouldn't have put you in this position. If she simply cannot afford her own wedding, she should look to cut costs.
    via West-Environment3462
  • Accurate-Force3054 Step tf down. Don't make it a big discussion. "I love you but I can't swing that."
    via West-Environment3462
  • infiniteglass00 "She said money is part of showing up" it actually isn't and your years of friendship have shown that you DO show up. Showing up on her end means not holding your friendship hostage for outrageous costs such as matching pajamas. You have nothing to feel guilty about. And there's no shame in grieving a friendship she threw down the toilet.
    via West-Environment3462
  • Altruistic-Detail271 A girl I know is doing her bachelorette party in Paris. All the wedding party is from the us. It's insane to me
    via West-Environment3462
  • dredgehayt Step down and attend. You can't afford what you can't afford. No wedding is worth going it debt over. If you lose this friend over this she wasn't your friend to begin with. Going to the wedding is still "stepping up". It is refreshing she laid the cost out ahead of time instead of springing it on you with a request after the fact
    via West-Environment3462
  • rogueowl22 I have never understood the entitlement of people getting married to expect other people to spend so much on their wedding. Your accomodation? Sure. Also maybe a night out for the bachelorette, cool. But if they expect you to look a certain way, dress, hair, make up whatever, they should pay for it. That's their problem not yours? It's becoming a joke, weddings are so performative now people are completely losing the idea of it's a celebration of love - your partner, and the people yo
    via West-Environment3462
  • Bride and maid of honor wearing matching wedding robes before the ceremony,
    via Unsplash+ (via Céline Druguet)

    Bride and maid of honor wearing matching wedding robes before the ceremony.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • myrainydayss I would step down 1000%. Wedding culture in America (assuming you're American here) really needs to change if people are expected to spend thousands of dollars just to be apart of wedding. Especially in this economy.
    via West-Environment3462
  • grated_testes You did not fail anything. She is being a textbook bridezilla. I'd graciously [and publicly] step back from this money pit of a bridal party and be ready for the friendship to be over. Also I'd privately pity the groom.
    via West-Environment3462
  • BlondeBrillo Be thankful she did this ahead of time before you had already starting spending etc. Bow out NOW! This is not what "friends" ask of each other. Even if my bff was rich I would not assume she'd spend that on MY wedding.
    via West-Environment3462

  • Weddings have a way of turning expectations into obligations, especially when emotions and money get mixed together. Most people want to support their friends during major life moments, but support looks different for everyone. A strong friendship should be able to survive an honest conversation about financial limits without turning it into a test of commitment.

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groom bride to be wedding Maid Of Honor
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