Parents Live Rent Free With Daughter and Husband, Son-in-law Worries About Becoming Family Financial Support System

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 30, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

Is family always obligated to help family when it comes to money?

One of the most important parts of cultivating a good relationship with your relatives is that it offers both you and them a support system to lean on in times of need. We are often told that contributing to a community is an important part of living a good life, and in a lot of cases, that is going to start with our extended family. 

There is no denying it: being the one who is depended on for something by a relative is often inconvenient or annoying. However, it is the kind of thing that decent people do for those whom they love. The most important issue is where to draw the line and what boundaries need to be laid out. It is also an unfortunate truth that some people will take advantage of family generosity to the extent that it becomes a problem.

In-law relationships can be something that is strained at the best of times, and if you have to help them out in some way, that can be emphasized even more. It isn't always a bad thing, but it is vital to understand when help is and isn't appropriate.

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  • An older woman sits in an armchair and looks at her phone, an older man leaning over her
    via Keith Tanner

    An older woman sits in an armchair and looks at her phone, an older man leaning over her

  • A man and his wife had allowed his in-laws to live with them and their infant son for the last year and a half without paying rent. In some ways, the arrangement worked well because his mother-in-law could babysit, but he was also worried that there would be increasing demands from them and his wife's siblings to financially support them.

    He was worried that he and his wife would not be able to plan for their own future if they felt like they needed to help out her family, but the suggestion offended her. He wasn't sure if his doubts put him in the wrong.

  • Am I wrong for being concerned that my wife and I will become the default financial support system for her family?

    My wife and I are both in our late 30s and have a 3-month-old son. We've been together for 12-13 years and married for about 2 years.
    via basketballakev
  • My wife's parents have been living with us for about 1.5 years. We don't charge them rent or utilities. To be fair, my mother-in-law helps a lot with childcare, and I'm genuinely grateful for that. My father-in-law contributes less in that regard.
    via basketballakev
  • My in-laws receive Social Security, but they send about half of their monthly income to one of my wife's sisters, who has struggled with significant mental health issues for many years and has never really been able to support herself consistently.
    via basketballakev
  • My wife also has another sister who lives across the country. She is well educated but currently a stay-at-home mom with two children. Her marriage is reportedly unstable, and her husband is the sole breadwinner.
    via basketballakev
  • While my in-laws don't directly ask us for money very often, we do cover a lot of expenses when we go out to eat and help in various ways. My bigger concern is the future.
    via basketballakev
  • As my in-laws get older, I'm worried that my wife and I will become the default safety net for everyone because we're the most financially stable. It feels like there are always reasons why other family members can't help, which leaves us carrying most of the responsibility.
    via basketballakev
  • I've suggested having my in-laws spend part of the year living with my wife's other sister so that the responsibility isn't entirely on us. However, she pushed back, citing her unstable marriage, her husband's likely objections, and the fact that they live in a much smaller apartment while we live in a single-family home.
    via basketballakev
  • I recently brought up my concerns to my wife and said that perhaps we should consider separating some of our finances so there would be clearer boundaries regarding support for extended family. My wife was deeply hurt by that suggestion and felt like I was attacking her family or implying that I don't trust her.
    via basketballakev
  • That wasn't my intention. My concern is less about our current situation and more about potentially being responsible for supporting multiple adults indefinitely while also raising our son and planning for our own future.
    via basketballakev
  • I don't mind helping family. I recognize there are benefits to having my in-laws here, and I appreciate everything my mother-in-law does for our son. At the same time, I miss the privacy and solitude of living in my own home with just my wife and child.
    via basketballakev
  • I think a lot of my frustration comes from feeling like the responsibilities and sacrifices aren't shared evenly among the siblings. I don't necessarily want to stop helping-I just wish the overall situation felt more equitable.
    via basketballakev
  • A male and female couple sit on a couch together, looking at documents
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A male and female couple sit on a couch together, looking at documents

  • Day_Mysterious Your wife is worried about her sister's unstable marriage. She should be worried about destabilizing your marriage by not working with you to plan this out.
    via Day_Mysterious
  • Acceptable-Cost-9233 NTA Ooooft that's a lot to be fair. There's nothing wrong with being worried about such an unstable future. Your wife is kinda TA for not taking your concerns on board
    via Acceptable-Cost-9233
  • Medical-Potato5920 NTA. You and your wife need to be clear on the expectations. However, as your MIL is providing childcare which save you a significant amount of money, providing accommodation for her is a minimum. You need to discuss arrangements for when your child goes to school well in advance.
    via Medical-Potato5920
  • ShopEducational6572 I don't know the details of your situation but it may be worthwhile to engage a financial planner - one who charges by the hour - to meet with you and your wife to explore options. If nothing else this might get your wife on board with your concerns.
    via ShopEducational6572
  • Hopeful-Artichoke449 If you don't change this situation NOW you will be running a free assisted living center for the entire family FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
    via Hopeful-Artichoke449
  • dncrmom NTA I suggest changing them rent. You can save that money in an account to pay for their additional expenses. I would also save money equal to what she is spending on her family into an account just for your children, that she & her family cannot touch.
    via dncrmom

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