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01
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AITAH for cutting off entire friendgroup after they tried to get me to pay for their holiday?
“I (20F) and nine other friends had planned on going on holiday together, and we booked an Airbnb, each of us paying an equal part and sending it to my close friend (22M), who was in charge of arranging the holiday.
I'm not a citizen of the country I live in, and I had some problems with my immigration status right before our holiday which interfered with my ability to leave the country. I made my friend aware of this and apologised but assured him that I would still pay for the stuff we had already booked. I also said I knew some of our friends couldn't come on the holiday since they couldn't afford it so they were welcome to come in my place and they didn't have to pay me back. They'd just pay for a name change on my plane ticket.”
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02
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Some friendships only hold up when everyone's getting something out of them. The second one person stops being useful, the whole thing shifts, and suddenly six years of history means a lot less than anyone would've admitted out loud before. That's the part of this story worth paying attention to. Not the refund, not the Airbnb logistics, not even the phone call. The real tell was how fast the group moved from "we're friends" to "you owe us" the moment circumstances stopped working in their favor. Nobody asked her for help. Nobody acknowledged what she had already offered to sacrifice. They just decided she was the problem and built a case around it."
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03
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The background laughter during that phone call is what seals it. That wasn't a misunderstanding between friends who were stressed and handling it badly. That was a group of people who had already made up their minds, who called her not to resolve anything but to make a point. Inviting an audience to someone else's confrontation isn't conflict resolution, it's just cruelty with extra steps. Walking away from six years of friendship isn't a small thing. Most people would've taken the partial refund, accepted the half-apology, and moved on because the history felt too heavy to throw out. But staying in a friendship that showed its hand that clearly would've just meant waiting for the next time it happened, probably over something smaller, with the same people laughing in the background.
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04
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“A few days later, he messaged me to say the Airbnb that we had booked had cancelled on us and our money was being refunded. I asked him if it would be alright if he could send me my chunk of the money back and the group could rebook another airbnb that would accommodate a smaller group; He said yes.
He texted me again a while later, saying there were only expensive airbnb's left and they needed my chunk of the money to help everyone afford the more expensive place. "Sorry we need the money so I can’t give it back". He also said that I had bailed on everyone and left everyone in a tight spot so I was expected to do this and I was "already okay with my money burning so me paying would be the lesser evil compared to making everyone else pay even more"
I was very confused with the very sudden switch in tone. I told him me bailing wasn’t a problem for anyone until he decided it was; That what he was trying to do felt opportunistic because he wouldn't have asked me to resend him my money to pay for them, had the money been refunded to my account and not his. I told him I was in fact okay with my money burning in the context of someone else going in my place (I've been on the receiving end of not having to pay someone back for a holiday before and I would like to return the favour when I can) and just keeping my promise with the stuff we had already booked previously. But he had taken the offer I had made in a very specific context and manipulated that to serve his own whims, and I said this disturbed me and I was mostly looking for an apology.”
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05
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Knowing when something is done is its own kind of clarity. Not every long friendship deserves to be a forever one, and the length of time people have known each other has never been a good enough reason to keep absorbing how they treat you. She didn't end the friendship over money. She ended it over information. And that's a completely different thing.
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“I later looked up housing around the area for myself and found many options that fit all of our criteria. They were perfectly capable of booking a more reasonable place they could afford. I felt that he was trying to construct a narrative around scarcity to make me feel bad and use me to help the group afford a more luxurious place. The airbnb he was now trying to get was way over our initial budget.
I said I wasn't the reason for them being out of a house. That was the Airbnb's fault and they were making it mine. I felt disrespected because he never even asked me if I could help them pay, as a favour to a friend or just a genuine ask for help because, of course I would’ve. But he resorted to treating me like a kid he was lecturing. I said the money wasn't the problem but the entitlement was. People in our group said I was being super unreasonable and that I was making everyone pay a larger chunk for the holiday house and the only decent thing would be to give them my refund for the inconvenience I caused (by bailing).”
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06
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“22M later called me on the phone and it ended up devolving into what essentially felt like a humiliation ritual. He had apparently invited people over, prior to calling me. And the entire time, as I was talking about how I felt wronged, some "friends" in the background were giggling, making weird comments and doing little reactions after my every sentence. I'd say "I feel taken advantage of" and they'd laugh audibly in the background and go "I can't believe she actually said that", "The audacity!", "WE shouldn't have to PAY for HER absence". Which really pushed me on edge and I ended up telling everyone involved to get their sh*t together and to stop acting like children and hung up on their face. Honestly, the phone call came as a shock because I've been friends with them for 6+ years and I hadn't realised they were capable of what essentially felt like straight up bu**ying (????)
He later texted me and said he found some other option and offered to pay me back to make amends but I told him I was done and to keep the money and blocked him.
AITAH?”
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