Man wonders how to gently decline woman's request to get together after years of her thinking they share a friendship that is actually non-existing: I’m also turned off by the way she declared in her email that ‘we should do this and do that together’

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jun 30, 2026 4:00 PM EDT

Imaginary friendship

Is it just me, or is this a classic situation? I've been through this so many times. I hope I haven't done this to anyone, but it always goes like this: you get together with someone once or maybe twice, and they start believing you are their best friend, but you are not there yet, and you might never be. The problem arises when too much time has passed, and the situation has remained the same; then, both parties are responsible. You can't allow a situation like this to go on forever without doing anything. The other person is clearly not aware of how things are for you, and probably never will be, so it would be best if you just helped them a little. This Redditor shared a post inquiring about the best ways to gently decline a friend who has an imaginary relationship with us. Let's see where it goes.

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  • woman looking at her smartphone smiling
    via Brooke Cagle

    A model representing the unwanted friend texting

  • Gently declining request to get together

    An acquaintance recently emailed me after learning that we have vacation homes in the same area and both enjoy the same hobby. She suggested meeting up in the vacation area to chat about the
    via redcabbageyum
  • hobby or potentially do the hobby together (I'm being vague here out of an irrational fear that she'll see this post and know it's me.)
    via redcabbageyum
  • I have no interest in spending any time with this woman. She has a very prickly personality and completely rubs me the wrong way. I don't know her well but have
    via redcabbageyum
  • come in contact with her a few times over the years and each time couldn't end the conversation soon enough.
    via redcabbageyum
  • I'm also turned off by the way she declared in her email that 'we should do this and do that together'. She and I do not have an existing relationship, so if anything I feel like it would
    via redcabbageyum
  • man and woman taking a selfie smiling and peace signs
    via Vitaly Gariev

    A depiction of how much fun the woman thinks her plans are

  • have been more polite/correct to have asked 'would you be interested in doing this or doing that?' Maybe I'm being overly sensitive on this point, but I feel like she's forcing herself on me.
    via redcabbageyum
  • How can I gently but firmly decline this request to spend time together? I want to be clear that it's not just a timing issue and she shouldn't try again in the future. I'm a recovering people pleaser and want to nip this in the bud.
    via redcabbageyum
  • man holding a smarphone near a window
    via Thom Holmes

    A representation of the man sending the 'final' message

  • In some cases, people think they are your friends, and the relationship is truly nonexistent. Other times, we unconsciously enabled that definition by staying in conversations for too long, or by accepting plans we didn’t want to. I think, in this case, the relationship might really be imaginary.

    There is no perfect way to reject somebody, but it’s definitely better done than perfect. It would be best for everyone involved. The Redditor could finally enjoy his life without being prompted by her, and the woman could stop pursuing something that clearly isn’t for her. Of course, she could benefit from acquiring social skills to read situations better, but she doesn’t have them today, period. Somebody has to step in and do the ‘dirty work’. I can’t help but fantasize about the relief he will feel when he finally gets this out of his chest!

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friendship friends toxic relationship
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