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Luckily, the couple in this story was right at the edge of making a bad decision, and still had time to back out. They had already lent some money, way more than they needed to, and were on the verge of giving more. Then they made the decision to reach out to the internet to see if anyone would talk them out of it. They shared their story and wanted opinions. This is where you come in. Read the details and let us know what you think.
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A person flips through their cash in their hands
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AITAH for having concerns about giving our friend another $10k?
My husband and I lent our friend $4,000 yday for food and basics before his house settlement because he had emptied his savings and current account completely... We didn't know he'd already signed the papers when he asked for this money but we were so concerned so we gave him the money since we could afford it... Now he's asking for another $10,000 by August 6th for "things for the new place"—but won't explain what.
His situation: He bought a $770k house in Pakenham with an $84k deposit. Stamp duty and fees wiped out his entire bank account to zero. He earns $105k-$110k (corporate job plus side gigs). His wife works part-time. Last year they spent $20k on an overseas trip and their home is full of high-end brands.
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Two couples sit at a table discussing something
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He's become strict and grumpy at home, taking his wife's entire salary for the house. When I offered to help with the deposit directly (which would save money long-term), he rejected it, saying he wants liquid cash instead. We cannot afford to lose this money. We have our own commitments and it no longer feels like they need our money but rather like they just want our money ...
My questions: Is it normal to completely empty savings and current accounts for a house then borrow from friends for unspecified expenses? How do most buyers manage financial buffers? Are we enabling bad decisions?
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A man has a conversation on the phone by a body of water
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EXTRA CONTEXT:
- Most people are saying this friend is dodgy/ scammer/addict - they are not. They have been frugal and extra anxious about using their own money lately. They used to be honest, generous and more transparent when they genuinely didn't have much. But as of the past two years there has been a shift, they got their PR and suddenly things changed. They are defo making money, they have a bike, two cars and expensive stuff around the house like speaker, tvs, luxury alc bottles etc. But still always seem to have no money.
- We have helped this friend previously, we landed them money in real emergencies and difficulties where they were desperate. Our offer was with the intention to help them reduce the mortgage repayments. However this is not what they are asking money for now. When they said they paid everything for the house so will need to depend on our money (4kAUD) for rent and groceries it started to worry me. Then they asked 10k so now I'm thinking what they need that money for if they paid everything anyway?
- They paid us back the other times. But like I said these were not big amounts and they were not for big commitments like buying a house.
- This is happening in Australia, Melbourne
- We care about this friend and their friendship deeply, they have been my husband's friend for over 30 years. But also worry that we may be taken for granted. People change and perhaps they have?
- New addition, they want the 10k in cash and in 5 weeks
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A couple reaches out to offer food to another couple at a table
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