Employee gets tired of the toxic work environment after 3 years of no salary increase, she finds a new position with a $27K raise, but when she notifies her boss: 'She kept saying “But it’s me, you know I wouldn’t have fired you.”

María Cetra • Writer

Jul 19, 2026 10:30 AM EDT

Why would someone explicitly say to their current boss that they are actively seeking a new position elsewhere? That would just get you fired.

If you were to hate the current place you work at, what would you do? Probably seek another job, right? And once you got that new position, you would most likely resign as soon as you possibly can, right? You probably are thinking that all this is obvious. Well, it is, for anyone with common sense. The problem is that, as we have seen in multiple of these Reddit stories, common sense is not really a quality most bosses have. They usually think that everything is some kind of attack.

Instead of looking at it as a great opportunity that a colleague got, they see it as the employee trying to ruin them. As if they weren't leaving a toxic company that didn't value their efforts and didn't even pay accordingly, and instead they were just trying to ruin their boss's career by leaving without much notice. I don't really understand how they take it so personal, is obvious that if the employee isn't valued, they are going to leave someday. Especially in this story, where the manager knew that they had asked for a raise and that was "still being processed" after months.

And what is all this drama even for? They are going to leave anyway. Unless the company offered an amazing salary increase (and maybe even that wouldn't work), the employee is not going to stay somewhere she isn't valued. So let it be. As a manager, don't take it personally. Try to look for a solution to your own problem and let the employee leave with a good image of yourself, where you don't seem like a dramatic boss that can't understand the idea of bettering yourself.

Accept it and move on! Somebody else is going to take that position soon, and everything will be fixed. For a moment, you just need to congratulate your colleague for their good work and say bye nicely.

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I (27F) have been with my current company for 3 years. I've known since early on that it's a toxic work environment with extremely high turnover, but my department has been relatively stable and I like my coworkers. I feel like I've done all that I can to make things work over the past 3 years. The hours are awful, and it's fully in person, but I've dealt with it. I outgrew my first position, so instead of looking for

*A woman looking stressed at her computer.*
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job elsewhere, I found a new path internally that was a much better fit. However, it's come with MUCH higher responsibility. Our team is small, and my boss and I are the only ones who do our particular job. She's always overwhelmed, and everything I've done has been in service to her. The problem is I've never gotten a raise. Once I moved into my new role, I didn't get a raise. I didn't ask,

which I understand I should have, but my company is also very much a "take on responsibility now, prove yourself, and then we'll see if you're worth more money" type of place. Back in January (2.5 years after | started and about a year into the new role), I finally asked to be properly compensated at baseline for my role. We're talking a $15k difference. My boss was on board, but it's

July now, and the process has been grinding on with no end in sight. The updates I get are "we're working on it." Note: it's out my direct boss's hands and in the hands of our department's director and HR. At this point, it's well known that I have been waiting and that the process has been ridiculous. I started applying for jobs and secured an incredible position at a huge well-known company in

the area. It's hybrid with an actually full staff, and my salary will be $13k more than I even asked my current company for. That's a total of a $28k increase! I told my boss the other day, and her reaction floored me. First thing she said was, "you could've given me a heads up!" She went on and on about how I know that if I just told her I was applying for jobs, she wouldn't have fired me, and it would've given her time to

find a higher-level replacement. She's going on maternity leave in a few months. She took offense that I didn't talk to her on a personal level. She said she would've pushed harder for my raise (like she would've pushed our director or HR I guess?) or that we could've worked out a hybrid situation (my company is VERY strict about in person, so I don't understand how this would've been possible.) She even said "well now I'm f ed."

My only defense was telling her I didn't think it was customary to tell your boss you're looking for a new job. She kept saying "but it's me, you know I wouldn't have fired you." She even took a jab at me by bringing up that I should've asked for a raise when I first made the job switch. She said, "and you never asked for a raise before this? Hmm." She's always had a negative attitude and way of

*A man cheering for something he saw on his computer.*
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blaming people. Needless to say I rejected attempts at a counter offer. I feel crazy, please tell me it's not customary to give a heads up that you want to leave??? Any and all advice welcome.

MatthewCorbett92 It's not customary to tell your boss that you want to leave or give them a heads up. You aren't even required to give a notice. They fire people all the time without notices and over BS reasons, so we have the right to quit. It goes both ways. Even if she gave you a raise, it wouldn't compare to the raise you get by leaving. Just focus on your new job and forget about her. She seems like a terrible manager and person.

Fit_Instruction_8383 LOL it is absolutely NOT CUSTOMARY to tell your boss if you're looking elsewhere for work. What an entitled response. The best thing you can do is to keep your head down, do your notice period and leave. They are just salty that they are going to have to hire someone to do the work and it'll be a lot more expensive to do that than it would be to have just given you a raise.

No-Doughnut-8881 She sounds manipulative. You never tell your employer you're looking elsewhere. You asked for a better salary, they strung you along. In today's job market, that's how you effectively get raises, is just go somewhere where they value your time. Looks like her cheap labor gravy train is over.

Wrex06 That is her heads up. Not your problem anymore. Also, do not train anyone to replace you. That's their job too.

DoTheRightThing 1953 Your boss doesn't really have the right to ask you 'on a personal level' to do anything, because she is your boss! Did she, on a personal level, try to get you that raise? She also isn't a very good manager. She hasn't learned the first rule of management: people are going to leave. The best known way to delay that happening is to pay them well.

toomanyteeth55 Only time you give a heads up is if you're getting a security clearance (cause they'll be contacted) or if you work a critical position, but even then, no raise... That's their problem

NoYOU Grow Up You owe them no explanation, no heads up, and the two weeks or whatever notice you've given them is nothing more than a courtesy. It's business.

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Employee gets tired of the toxic work environment after 3 years of no salary increase, she finds a new position with a $27K raise, but when she notifies her boss: 'She kept saying “But it’s me, you know I wouldn’t have fired you.”

Why would someone explicitly say to their current boss that they are actively seeking a new position elsewhere? That would just get you fired.

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