Dad goes two months without meeting his newborn grandkid, then plans an unannounced visit, and daughter considers letting him drive hours to an empty house: ‘He can’t remember my kids’ names'

Author image for Celeste Mello
Celeste Mello • Writer and Editor
Jul 21, 2026 1:00 PM EDT

Becoming a grandparent doesn't automatically create a close family bond. The bond between grandparents and their grandchildren is usually shaped by the relationship they maintain with their adult children. When that relationship is emotionally distant, the grandchildren are likely to grow distant from their grandparents as well. 

In today's Reddit story, a 29-year-old daughter has spent most of her life trying to earn attention from a father who has shown he will only engage in their relationship when it requires minimal effort on his part. Now that she has children of her own, she has every right to stop doing the emotional work for both of them. 

Her father lives a few hours away, but he has made little effort to have a relationship with her or her children. His distant behavior began around the birth of her first child, nearly two years ago. The daughter asked relatives to wait for the morning after the delivery before visiting… A pretty reasonable request for a new mother. But her father apparently had no understanding or empathy for her and called her selfish because he couldn't be present for the birth.

Since then, he has visited her oldest son just twice. He doesn't invite her daughter anywhere; he doesn't suggest plans or follow through on the visits he promises. Still, he complains that nobody includes him whenever he discovers his other daughters spend family time together. 

Now her second son is two months old, and his grandfather still hasn't met him. He keeps claiming that he will visit, then moves the date, then disappears. Now the daughter learned through her sister that he might be driving down that weekend, but he never called or asked whether the family would be available. In fact, she knows they won't be available, but at the same time she won't call him to warn him about it because she shouldn't manage a plan he never communicated to her. The daughter isn't responsible for preventing every inconvenience her father creates for himself. If he drives several hours and finds an empty house, that won't be something she did to him. It's a consequence of his poor communication and his negligence toward his family. 

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  • Mother holding her baby at home while looking out the window, navigating a difficult relationship with an absent grandfather.
    via Unsplash+ (Ana Curcan)

    Mother holding her baby at home while looking out the window, navigating a difficult relationship with an absent grandfather.

    People depicted are models.

  • WIBTAH if I don’t tell my Dad we’ll be gone and they drive down to meet my son and come to an empty house?

    First, some backstory. I (29F) have spent most of my life trying to impress my dad or get his attention. About 10 years ago, I met my now husband (33M). He has never liked my dad
    via savage-love000
  • because of how he treats me and the things he's said about me and my stepsisters. As I have gotten older I am not really trying anymore. I don't call him but will answer if he calls me. They
    via savage-love000
  • live a few hours from me and will only drive up for holidays and will make them a "pit stop" when we go to see other family up there. Really I just keep contact because of my grandma, once she is gone I am done even doing holidays unless he tries which he probably won't.
    via savage-love000
  • When our first son, now almost 2, was born, we asked everyone to wait until after he was born before coming to the hospital. I didn't want people in and out while I was in labor or sitting in
    via savage-love000
  • the waiting room for hours. The only people there were my mom and husband in the delivery room, and his mom was in the waiting room
    via savage-love000
  • bring them food or anything we needed. Our son was born late that night, so we told all other family to visit the next morning.
    via savage-love000
  • Most of my family lives a couple of hours away. My stepsisters and brother-in-law came early to meet their nephew, but my dad threw a fit because he wasn't there for the birth telling
    via savage-love000
  • people I was selfish. He and his wife eventually came much later that day and didn't stay long, which was fine with me.
    via savage-love000
  • Since then, they've only come to see our oldest twice, one visit being his first birthday. Meanwhile, we've driven to them about five times over the last two years for holidays and funerals. They never invite us or make plans we
    via savage-love000
  • always have to initiate them. My sisters, on the other hand, regularly invite us to visit or meet for weekend trips, and they've driven to see their nephew several times. Every time my dad and step mom find out they act like "oh poor me, they never do anything with us."
    via savage-love000
  • Father driving several hours to make an unannounced visit to his daughter and meet his newborn grandkid.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Father driving several hours to make an unannounced visit to his daughter and meet his newborn grandkid.

    Actors portray the situation.

  • Our second son is now 2 months old, and my dad and his wife still haven't met him. They also haven't seen our oldest since February, when we drove to them. They constantly say, "We'll come in March," then "We'll come in April," but they never follow through.
    via savage-love000
  • To make matters worse, my dad can't remember my kids' names. He calls them my cousin's kids' names or just says, "How's the baby?" or "How's the oldest?" It drives my husband crazy. It's not a
    via savage-love000
  • mental issue it's just he isn't around enough or cares enough to try. He is still young and has a get memory if he is interested in the topic we are just not one. He couldn't tell you a single thing about my oldest likes or interest. Not his favorite food or show, nothing!
    via savage-love000
  • One of my sisters called and asked, "Did you know they're coming this weekend?" I honestly had no idea, and no one has told me anything. If they do come, we already have plans, we have a funeral (for my husbands family) Saturday morning and won't be home.
    via savage-love000
  • My husband thinks they'll show up unannounced if they even show up at all. I thought about calling to ask if they're actually coming, but my husband says not to and to let them show up to
    via savage-love000
  • an empty house. Part of me thinks that's an a hole move, but another part thinks it's the consequence of never communicating.
    via savage-love000
  • Empty family home awaiting a father who planned to visit his daughter and grandkids without confirming their plans.
    via Unsplash+ (Yevhenii Deshko)

    Empty family home awaiting a father who planned to visit his daughter and grandkids without confirming their plans.

    This is a staged scene.

  • So, WIBTAH if I don't tell them we'll be gone and they end up driving a few hours to an empty house?
    via savage-love000
  • tillwehavefaces If someone is going to drive hours to see you without even calling ahead of time, that is on them if they show up and you aren't there. I would do nothing here. Most likely they will call the morning of and expect you to change your plans, or pretend like they tried and you are now at fault for not being available.
    via d
  • mahogany818 NTA, they made plans without you, so they've made plans without you. FAFO.
    via d

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family drama aita reddit family story miscommunication grandfather newborn baby family boundaries parenting fatherdaughter unannounced visit
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