28-year-old woman finally goes on a date with her gym crush only to be disillusioned about what happened at it: ‘He finished with, “I am better than them anyway, I don’t care.” What?’

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Aug 2, 2026 11:15 AM EDT

Some things are better in theory than on paper

We've all been there, fantasising about our crush for months, even for years, until we finally meet them and the fantasy comes crumbling down. In a sense, it's better that it goes that way; idealizing someone so much can't be good; no good thing can come from pedestalizing somebody; it naturally leaves us in an inferior position. To me, when you are already there, sitting at a table across from somebody who has shown to be a complete jerk, you have to choose the funny road. You have to sit there and pretend to agree with everything they say so they feel comfortable saying the most random things that you will tell your friends (or the internet) about afterwards.

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  • couple sitting at a bar
    via Anthony Mucci

    The woman and her gym crush on a date

    Subjects are models

  • I was excited to date my gym crush until he opened his mouth

    My (now ex) gym crush, Fred (28M), asked me out about a week ago. We followed each other on Instagram and I discovered that he had a son. I (28F) was anxious about dating a dad, but he seemed nice
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  • in our texts so I decided to go on the first date and know more about it and him in person. I didn't like him, at all. I'll tell you why with just a few examples:
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  • • He arrived 15 minutes late to our date and, laughing, admitted that ten minutes before our scheduled meeting time, he was still in bed. He blamed his roommate for it.
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  • ● He would ignore what I said and pivot the conversation back to what he was saying / himself. He hasn't seen his 11- year-old son in five months. The boy lives in another city with his
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  • mother and Fred doesn't speak to her at all. He admitted he only talks to his son "every now and then." Later, I asked if he'd like more children someday (I want children myself). He said that he
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  • doesn't really like anything related to children... • He claimed his previous gyms always had "bad vibes" because some would stare at him while he trained. Instead of traditional exercises, he does more explosive ones.
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  • I said: "people sometimes stare because they admire you", and he went, "nah!" ⚫ I asked about whether • he got along with the people in his functional training class. He said yes, added that it's mostly women, and then went on
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  • a rant about how other guys avoid the class because training with women makes them feel "less masculine" (nobody told him this; it's his theory). He finished with, "/ am better than them anyway, I don't care."
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  • What? ⚫ I mentioned that I had • been bu ed when I was 12. He said, "But why? There had to be something about you that they didn't like." I asked what it even mattered anyway since kids bu y
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  • others for random reasons. . • He bragged that he never needed to study English (the language) because he learned it all through music, and that gave him the best grades in his class. He then said he couldn't understand
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  • why his university classmates struggled to read English texts because "it's basically the same stuff we study [kinesiology], just in English. It's so obvious." As a language teacher myself, I pointed out that
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  • man holding ceramic mug
    via Farhan Shaikh

    The man after he said all kinds of problematic things

    Image is representative

  • what is obvious for him might not be obvious for everyone. He ignored that and kept saying "but it's obvious stuff!" and I went, "for YOU." He seemed confused by my response.
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  • There's a lot more, but I'll leave it there for the sake of brevity. By the end of the date, I was actively trying to hide my yawns. I haven't seen him since the date because he went
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  • back to his hometown for vacation... I think he's coming back this week. I have no idea how to tell him I don't want to see him again. Could you help me with that?
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  • morenaaaaaaaahhhh He will sk all your energy. Just do the regular "i don't think we'll work" kinda talk. While I'm pretty sure he seems like the kinda guy who will talk about you after rejcting him because, well, "main character", you just gotta ready yourself
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  • peachteamami him saying he doesn't want anything to do with children... while having an 11-year-old son. some men are incredibly f ed up and I hope your able to switch gym times because if I were you just seeing his face would me off.
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  • elgrn1 "Thanks for the date. I realised we aren't compatible but I'm glad to know neither of us will make it awkward at the gym."
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  • a man talking to a woman at the gym
    via Sergio Kian

    The couple meeting at the gym

    Representation

  • Of course, what this dude said was not funny; it’s actually very problematic and reveals a great deal of narcissism, but what could she have done? She can’t change him; she can’t alert the cops about it. She was smart enough not to get involved with him; she can sit back, relax, and watch her comedy show now.

    About her question regarding how to let him know she doesn’t want to continue dating, I think she should revert to some cliché about not being compatible, and that’s it; no use in trying to explain his problematic behaviour to him- what’s the point? He is clearly not open to understanding it; otherwise, he wouldn’t act that way in the first place. Run!



     

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Dating-Relationships first date relationship advice dating fails relationships We Are Dating toxic relationship relationship drama dating
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