Roommate repeatedly "borrows" tenant's clothes without asking, gets caught wearing a deeply personal item from her bedroom: ‘My privacy feels completely invaded’

Author image for Cata Holmes
Cata Holmes • Writer
Aug 7, 2026 6:35 PM EDT

Some boundaries only become obvious once someone crosses them.

Sharing an apartment with a close friend seemed to be working perfectly until one roommate developed a habit of helping herself to clothes without permission. What began with hoodies and jackets escalated into something far more personal, leaving the other woman feeling that her privacy had been completely violated and wondering how to confront the issue without destroying their living situation.

I live with a roommate, and I have the best relationship with her. Although we're from different places, we've found a way to get along really well, and our experience has been nothing but awesome. That being said, we're super respectful of each other's belongings and time, since this is fundamental when living together. So, when I read this story, I remembered some situations some of my friends had with their own roommates, and I couldn't help but laugh.

In this story, these girls are not only roommates: they are friends from college, meaning they had a relationship before living together that sets the tone for something completely different from mine, for example. Because of that, I wouldn't think it's outrageous that the girl is borrowing clothes without asking; maybe she felt that the other girl wouldn't mind. Now, I'm not justifying her behavior at all: I'm trying to understand her way of thinking when doing this.

I would suggest that the Original Poster talk to her and to set clear boundaries. Although they are good friends and I'm sure they get along very well, it's important to have those limits not be crossed so they can all have a good experience when being roommates. This doesn't mean that something wrong needs to happen, or that the relationship has to change: is only a matter of being respectful and understanding.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • Two roommates share an apartment scrolling on their phones.
    via Unsplash+ (via Getty Images)

    Two roommates share an apartment, scrolling on their phones.

    People shown are models.

  • Hey everyone, I need help figuring out how to bring this up without starting a war.
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • I(F22) move in with my friend(F22) from college. Overall, she's a great housemate, clean, pays rent on time, and we get along well. But over the last month, a weird habit has started forming.
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • It started small. A sweatshirt of mine would go missing, and I'd see it hanging on her bedroom door a day later. I didn't say anything because, honestly, it's just an old oversized hoodie and we're similar sizes.
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • Then it escalated. She started wearing my nicer jackets, expensive dresses, and shoes out to dinners or dates. She never asks beforehand, she just goes into my room when I'm not home, grabs whatever she wants, and puts it
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • back after. A couple of times, things have come back with faint perfume smells or small stains that she didn't mention.
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • The tipping point happened yesterday. I was looking for something personal, I walked into the kitchen to grab water, and she was right there making breakfast while wearing it.
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • I was so caught off guard that I just panicked, made small talk, and walked back to my room.
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • I'm naturally pretty conflict, and I know if I come down too hard, things are going to get super awkward in our apartment. But my privacy feels completely invaded, and I need her to stop going into my room and taking my stuff once and for all.
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • How do I set a firm boundary without coming across as aggressive or ruining the vibe in the apartment?
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • Young woman spends time in a shared apartment kitchen wearing a personal item from the other girl.
    via Unsplash+ (via Tina Dawson)

    Young woman spends time in a shared apartment kitchen wearing a personal item from the other girl.

    The people shown are not connected to these events.

  • Of course, most readers had something to say about it. Most of them suggested that she should start locking her door to prevent the roommate from getting in whenever she's not home. Others suggested a small talk and only asking her to stop borrowing things without permission.

  • fsmom That sweatshirt was a test. When you didn't say anything, she escalated. Since you've still never said anything, she assumes she can take whatever. Say "I'm sorry, I should have said something sooner, but you may not wear or take any of my clothes without asking me first."
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • arundhatiroy2201 Buy a lock and key for your room
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • BiteSnap 'Stop borrowing my sh without asking mate, alright?'
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • Big-Mind-6346 Put a lock on your bedroom door. Problem solved.
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • FairyGothMommy Lock your door. She has no problem taking things without permission
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • GenoFlower "I should have said something much sooner, but I don't like you taking my stuff. You don't have my permission to do so. You may not go into my room or take anything that belongs to me." And the vibe is already ruined.
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • Two young roommates relax together at home before ongoing boundary issues over borrowed clothing begin affecting their living arrangement.
    via Unsplash+ (via Getty Images)

    Two young roommates relax together at home before ongoing boundary issues over borrowed clothing begin affecting their living arrangement.

    Image used for illustrative purposes.

  • humpyvision You're not ruining the vibe, she is.
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • caro9lina You have to tell her that you don't mind her borrowing something from you occasionally, but she needs to ask first and not take anything without permission.
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926
  • InformalProcedure520 Put a lock on your door. Lock your room when you go out. Send her an invoice for dry cleaning
    via Whole-Knowledge-4926

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

clothes personal items boundaries roommates
Scroll Down For The Next Article