Woman refuses to buy tea for mother-in-law because she prefers coffee, takes offence when mother-in-law gives her the same treatment: 'It's leaf water she doesn't want to waste her money on'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Aug 7, 2026 1:15 PM EDT

This is more than just a beverage preference.

When it comes to family dynamics, it can sometimes be difficult to treat everybody equally. The more people there are, the more potential there is for rivalries and disagreements that only intensify with time. Even those who are not interested in such things can find themselves drawn into petty disputes because a relative has decided they have a problem with them.

The issue with family problems is that unless you take the drastic measure of going no contact, you have no choice but to try and make things work with whoever is antagonizing you. It isn't like leaving a bad job or breaking up with somebody. If you try to cut off one person, they may end up taking several other family members with them who you want to be a part of your life. It is something to keep in mind when it seems like an argument might spiral out of control, or you are tempted to take serious action against behaviors that you find unacceptable. Teaching them a lesson may be possible, but it has to be done with tact and strategy unless you want to make the problem bigger.

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  • A model representing a blond woman drinks from a disposable coffee cup while standing in the street
    via Margo Evardson

    A model representing a blond woman drinks from a disposable coffee cup while standing in the street

  • A mom had been getting gradually more annoyed with the behavior of her daughter-in-law, who seemed to single her out when she went on a coffee run. Her mother-in-law preferred tea to coffee, but she refused to spend money on it, as she thought that it was better made at home.

    As a result, she would leave out her MIL whenever she went to buy drinks from the coffee shop for the family. In retaliation, the mom decided to ignore her order when it was her turn to get drinks. This led to an argument, leaving her wondering if she had been the one in the wrong.

  • Am I wrong for not getting my DIL coffee because she hates tea?

    My DIL loves coffee, she is the type of person that will go get coffee every morning. It is not uncommon that if she goes out to get coffee she will pick up coffee for other people as well.
    via Tea-Management9195
  • The issue is she will never get me a tea or any tea lattes. As she puts it, it is leaf water that she doenst want to waste her money on. I am asking her to get a 5 dollar thing of tea if she is already picking up everyone 8 dollars fancy coffees. I am asking for a tea latte or a an iced tea that I literally can't make at the time.
    via Tea-Management9195
  • So she comes back with everyone drink but mine... it is really frustrating on trip becuase I will be driving most of the time. She takes everyone orders and goes in while I am either getting gas or snacks for the trip to come back with out any caffeine. Then I have to go into the shop to get my drink.
    via Tea-Management9195
  • Disposable cups stacked on top of a coffee machine in a coffee shop
    via Honey Fangs

    Disposable cups stacked on top of a coffee machine in a coffee shop

  • There have been so many times she asked in the chat if anytime wants something at Starbucks, I tell her what I want and then she comes back with everyone drink but mine. Talking to her doesn't help. She just claims I can make it at home.
    via Tea-Management9195
  • To the issue, I was going over to babysit the grandkids for my son and daughter ( so four adults) I sent a text saying I was stopping at Starbucks and asked if they wanted anything. This is the exact same thing she does. They gave me their orders and I decided that I wouldn't get my DILs her drink to make a point basically.
    via Tea-Management9195
  • I got to where everyone was and gave everyone there drink besides my DIL. She was pissed and I pointed out this is the same thing she does with me all the time. She told me it wasn't the same and I can make tea at home, I told her to make her coffee at home and the pot was right there.
    via Tea-Management9195
  • We got into a fight and my son told me to apologize and get her drink. I told him no and I am tired of this . I have spoken to them multiple times and if she doesn't change what she does I will never get her drink when I get drinks for others They left but after babysitting I am still hearing about it. I need your opinion.
    via Tea-Management9195
  • A representation of a woman wearing a shawl, holding a large teacup with two hands while standing outside
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A representation of a woman wearing a shawl, holding a large teacup with two hands while standing outside

  • Jerseygirl2468 NTA if she's asking for orders and getting everyone but yours, that's incredibly rude. You simply matched her actions. I'm guessing there's other issues at play too, but solely for this NTA
    via Jerseygirl2468
  • Affectionate-Tie3250 If someone doesn't like to be treated the same way they treat you, you can always be confident you are NTA.
    via Affectionate-Tie3250
  • Positronomy NTA-how old is your DIL? It sounds like she's just outright disrespecting you for no apparent reason (from what is available in the post). I'm surprised your child hasn't said something to their spouse about how weird this is.
    via Positronomy
  • CreamsicleVee NTA. Petty? Yeah, a little lol. But I can't even blame you. She's been deliberately skipping your drink forever and then got mad the ONE time you did it back to her. Apparently "you can make it at home" only works when she's saying it
    via CreamsicleVee
  • Littlepingu8 If you are driving - this is especially an AH move from her, particularly as you have to go back to buy and I presume pay for your drink!
    via Littlepingu8
  • liveinharmonyalways Nta: i would be so embarrassed if she got me a coffee and everyone else and not one for everyone. I wouldn't be able to enjoy mine. Where is everyone else's voice?
    via liveinharmonyalways
  • Imchatterbox NTA. Coffee is as easy to make at home as tea.....and just as easy to order in the shop as well.
    via Imchatterbox
  • Tiki_Effect NTA. But I think it's time you took a step back. They don't respect you, and I am not sure there is a way to fix how they treat you. So the only real thing you can do is take yourself out of the equation.
    via TiKi_Effect

  • The family realized that they had to talk things through.

    Well just got off the phone with my DIL and son. Yes they have seen this post, I sent it to them. my DIL apologized and this issue has nothing to do with me. I thought she just hated me but this has to deal with her own mother. They have a bad relationship and when they married didn't wish for that type of relationship happen again with me. I
    via Tea-Management9195
  • also didn't help that her sister has a horrible MIL so she thought she needed to be distant and cold off the start. So yes she wa being rude eon purpose. This post kinda opened her eyes that she was acting like her mother acts.
    via Tea-Management9195
  • my son also apologized and realized he went to far in the direction of support your spouse. he admits he did the easy thing becuase we don't live together I informed them I won't put up with being dsrepected anymore and hopefully nothing backtracks. We seem good now but I have a feeling more talks will happen
    via Tea-Management9195

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coffee shop family drama daughter in law entitled people
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