Mother-in-law squanders $500k inheritance, expects son and daughter-in-law to take her in: 'I just know she won’t respect boundaries'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Aug 14, 2026 7:45 PM EDT

Should you have to put a roof over someone's head just because they're family?

Many would argue that one of the benefits of having a decent relationship with your relatives is that you can hopefully rely on them for help when you're in a tight spot. The thing is, certain kinds of support are always going to come with terms and conditions, even with loved ones. Just because somebody accepts a person as family does not mean that they have a high level of tolerance for their behavior. Establishing boundaries is vital with certain individuals.

Unfortunately, those problematic family members who most would rather keep at arm's length are also the ones who are most likely to get themselves into situations where they have no choice but to ask for the help of those closest to them. It leaves their relatives with the dilemma of how much they should help without getting their life taken over by their behavior and demands. 

While it may be true that sacrifices have to be made for family relationships now and then, it is important to know where to draw the line. Otherwise, you can end up in a scenario that is painful to get out of.

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  • An older woman sits on a couch in a living area.
    via Vitaly Gariev

    An older woman sits on a couch in a living area. Still frame for contextual reference only.

  • A woman posting in r/TwoHotTakes had a stressful decision to make with her mother-in-law, who was facing a precarious situation after her husband had passed. They had both spent a large sum of money that they had inherited, and with no other finances to fall back on, the mom was facing homelessness unless her son and daughter-in-law took her in.

    Neither of the couple was happy about the prospect, mostly because they knew that she would be a highly inconsiderate roommate who would outstay her welcome. The woman wanted to find a way to make things work that would help her mother-in-law without incurring this major personal cost.

  • My MIL blew through half a million and now might have to move in…

    My husbands parents have never been good with money. They lost their house when my husband was growing up because one of them lost their job. Then they got around $250k in inheritance back in 2018 or so, plus inherited a house that was fully paid off.
    via Subject-Cash9918
  • They ended up selling the house a couple of years ago because they couldn't afford the taxes, although they were only like $350-$400 a month. They blew through the inheritance, and now have blown through the money they got from the house.
    via Subject-Cash9918

  • The in-laws did not spend their windfall in a sustainable manner.

    They lived in a series of long-stay hotels and luxury apartments which they'd get kicked out of because my MIL refuses to not smoke in their apartment or rooms (even when they had a balcony). They also got a little dog that they let pee and poop everywhere.
    via Subject-Cash9918
  • They never got life insurance for either of them, and my FIL just passed away this week. While this is heartbreaking, my MIL will have nowhere to go after her money runs out in a month.
    via Subject-Cash9918

  • The MIL was looking for help too little, too late.

    We've tried to get her to apply for assistance. I do that for a living and kept telling her how long the waitlists were, but she refused until after my FIL passed away. It's going to be at least a couple of months to hear back about basic assistance, and to get her on elderly waivers would be closer to a year.
    via Subject-Cash9918
  • Her car was brand new when she got it, and we just found out it's acting up because she hasn't had the oil changed once in the 6 or 7 years they've had it. She's still paying on it even though they had the money to buy it outright.
    via Subject-Cash9918
  • She was told to "spend down" the last little bit of her assets so she could get help from the state. I told her to prepay a year of rent, get burial accounts set up, etc, but instead she just spent it on door dash and smokes.
    via Subject-Cash9918

  • The couple felt like her moving in would be a mistake.

    I've been very clear from before we got married that I do not want her to ever live with us. There are some religious and political reasons for that, but also I just know she won't respect boundaries. My husband agreed. Even now, he still agrees. But now, here we are. She's ignored every bit of advice
    via Subject-Cash9918
  • we've tried to give her, and if she doesn't live with us, it's a shelter. We aren't putting his damn near 70yo mom in a shelter, so now comes the issue: what do I do?
    via Subject-Cash9918
  • How can I make this transition less miserable? My husband doesn't want her here but also feels guilty for not letting her stay, plus they're all grieving. How do I set appropriate boundaries as for what house rules are (literally just not smoking in the house) and how long she can stay with us? I thought about a lease or a contract, then charging her rent to put in a savings account to find her a place down the line.
    via Subject-Cash9918
  • An older woman smiles with shelves in the background.
    via Vitaly Gariev

    An older woman smiles with shelves in the background. Representative only.
     

  • Commenters knew this could be a slippery slope.

    Anxious-Routine-5526 If she moves in at all you won't be getting her out. Period.
    via Anxious-Routine-5526
  • No-Broccoli-5932 Do Not Do It. You will be treated like the housekeeper, butler, chef and poop scooper. All I can see is misery ahead. How about cheap elderly housing? It's not going to be great for her, but I cannot imagine the stress ahead of you if she moves in. Your boundary is helping her find alternative housing.
    via No-Broccoli-5932
  • letsjustbefriendly If she moves in she is never moving out. She is never respecting any boundary you set and you will have to essentially put up with it until it's her time.
    via letsjustbefriendly

  • They felt there was more leeway than the woman let on.

    Bird Brain4101112 So you ARE willing to let her move in.
    via Bird_Brain4101112
  • RogueDIL It would be cheaper to put her up in a modest apartment for a year than to pay for the inevitable divorce if she moves in...
    via RogueDIL
  • Dangerous_Ant3260 The only way this woman will ever move out is if she's evicted, she won't honor any tenant agreement. I bet no one will ever file the paperwork and evict her either. She's going to do whatever she wants, because people bail her out.
    via Dangerous_Ant3260

  • Maybe there was a middle ground.

    LetsRedGreenThisSh t Dont do it. But if you absolutely need to get a cheap, and I mean dirt cheap rv. So when she gets goes to an old folks home you can just have the rv towed/ disposed of. Most of them have toilets/ showers plus a small fridge so she doesnt have an excuse to be in the house. Or even a porta potty for toilet.
    via LetsRedGreenThisSht

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Tags

family drama daughter in law mother in law entitled people
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