Bad boyfriend tries to financially manipulate his girlfriend and guilt-trip her by accusing her of being petty for enrolling in college: ‘He told me that he allows me to be in college’

Author image for Giuliana Tiscioni
Giuliana Tiscioni • Writer
Aug 20, 2026 11:15 AM EDT

You know that stage of life when you date a manipulative and toxic guy? We recommend skipping it. 

A woman was worried about an argument she had with her boyfriend about enrolling in college. She had stopped studying, but wished to go back to finish her degree; she just hadn't had the chance. While she was looking for a job in the meantime to have something to keep herself busy with, she found that some jobs offered financial reimbursement for those wanting to study, and when she was asked about it, she said she was interested. She talked about it with her boyfriend, and he sounded supportive, so she eventually applied to an online college and got in. She got the student loans figured out, and her grades were great. All was well until her boyfriend apparently lost it for no reason, said he "allowed" her to be in college, like he was paying for it, and that she had only enrolled out of pettiness and payback for him saying once that she lacked motivation. He stated she should have told him she was applying, and that he needed to be aware of major life changes. She said she disagreed: applying isn't the same as enrolling. And yes, his saying that she lacked motivation was the kick she needed to go after what she wanted, but it wasn't petty or just a way of revenge. Mind you, she had wanted to go back to school for a long time. 

It definitely sounds like the boyfriend likes to put her down. First, he says she lacks motivation, and when she gets it and does something for herself, he accuses her of being petty and inconsiderate. That is classic manipulation, the kind of man who likes to put down his partner to make themselves feel better and more important. Our advice for this girl is: cut him off. He doesn't really love her, and she clearly doesn't need him. He's only going to try to guilt-trip her over this, and who knows over what else. Those are the kinds of relationships it's best to get out of on time.

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  • My fiancée thinks I'm petty for applying to college.

    I've never posted before and it is 2 am and I can't sleep because of what happened today, so sorry if its a jumbled mess.
    via Witch_Sir_lol
  • My fiancée (31M) and I (30F) got into a huge fight today. It started because he told me that he allows me to be in college. I thought this was ride and tried addressing it. He then told me he is ped I even applied. Some backstory.
    via Witch_Sir_lol
  • Cheezburger Image 10657079296
    via Fotos for Unsplash+

    Angry couple. 

    Picture does not depict real parties.

  • Awful thing to tell your partner

    Three months ago, I told him I thought he was out of my league and he agreed. I asked if he had always thought this and he said no, but he thinks he is more attractive now. I didn't get mad, instead I said okay well that sks and
    via Witch_Sir_lol
  • walked away from the conversation. A family member had a sporting event so we packed up and went to that. On the way, he told me that it isn't my physical attraction level only my
    via Witch_Sir_lol

  • Sure, that makes it better

    current lack of motivation. I told him I understood, but obviously the comment still stung a bit. On the way home form this
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  • Dismissing her for being nervous over your mean comment? Sure

    sporting event, it turned into an argument because I was less talkative than usual, he yelled at me that I was overreacting and needed to just get over it.
    via Witch_Sir_lol

  • Right, break the previous agreement

    While he was at work the next day, I filled out three job applications (it was agreed that I would stop working to do most of the house work a couple months before this). All the jobs I
    via Witch_Sir_lol
  • applied for had tuition reimbursement, and one asked if I planned on attending college. I said yes because I have wanted to go back to school since a year after high school but it was never
    via Witch_Sir_lol
  • the right time. I realized then that this is the best time for it. I don't work, so could throw myself into a higher education and I would have some motivation and something to
    via Witch_Sir_lol
  • actually work towards again. He knew I had wanted to go to college for our entire relationship (five years) and had always seemed supportive of this, but I always ended up talking myself out of applying.
    via Witch_Sir_lol

  • Good for her!

    With this in mind, I looked up the best online colleges and called an admittance counselor. We talked for a bit and it felt like a good choice. I went ahead and applied. I informed my
    via Witch_Sir_lol
  • fiancée when he got home from work. He seemed happy for me and all was well. He apologized for his comment the day before and we moved on. I was accepted a week later, and I told him about that too. Again, all seemed
    via Witch_Sir_lol
  • well and he sounded really supportive, so I enrolled. I got student loans figured out and two more weeks later, I started. I have now been in college for just under two months and I have a 4.0.
    via Witch_Sir_lol
  • Cheezburger Image 10657078784
    via Dom Fou for Unsplash+

    College classroom.

    Recreated scenario included to enhance reader understanding.  

  • Fast forward to today. I'm not sure what even made the comment come to the surface but I didn't like the word 'allow' within the statement. It felt on the edge
    via Witch_Sir_lol

  • Financial leverage indeed

    of financial leverage. I tried to covey this message and soon our lids were blown. It did not take long before we were yelling at each other. Essentially, he told me I only applied out of spite and that it was petty of me. He told me
    via Witch_Sir_lol

  • She is her own person, doesn't need to run everything by you

    I had given him no warning to a huge change within our lives. He said that as my partner, he should have been in the know. He was truly upset that I had not talked to him before applying and that it had hurt him.
    via Witch_Sir_lol

  • Remmeber how he was supportive before?

    I disagreed. Applying is different than enrolling. Him feeling a type of way about me applying was ridiculous. Applications are free. I told him that if he would have showed some sort of
    via Witch_Sir_lol
  • doubt about this being the right time, we could have had a conversation about it before I enrolled. And the student loans are tied to my name only and I do not have to pay them back
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  • until after I leave school. (I plan on starting payments before I finish school, I have access to a lot of jobs/paid internships because of this school, I just don't meet any requirements yet.)
    via Witch_Sir_lol
  • OBCE ECB EUG EZB EKP EKT EKB BCE EBC 2015 BCE ECB ELS EZB EKP EKT EKB BCE EBC 14 Invoice Graphic Design De "ВСЕ ЕСВ ЕЦБ Е28 ЕКР ЕКТ ЕКВ ВСЕЕВС 20 10 5 Applying For A Permit ID Card Your Personal Renewal Replacement INVOICE FROM Name Surname Street X. City X. 00000 Full Last Name Full First Name INVOICE TO Name Surname Street X, City X, 00000 Date of birth Nationality Gender Male Female APPLICATION FOR FINANCE Identification Information Leamer permit? Non-driver ID Card? Yes ONO Dyes DNO Yes No T
    via Behnam Norouzi for Unsplash+

    Student loans. 

    Representative only.

  • You can thank him for the kick, but nothing more

    I told him that yeah, him telling me I lacked motivation was the kick I needed to make some sort of change in my life, but I did not think this made me petty or that the decision was made from spite. I refused to apologize for applying.
    via Witch_Sir_lol

  • No, you're not TA, you are absolutly in the right

    AITAH for not talking to him before I applied and refusing to apologize for applying?
    via Witch_Sir_lol

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boyfriend manipulative toxic work reddit story girlfriend Reddit toxic relationship college fiancee college student
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