23-year-old daughter wants to prevent mom from shopping at the same stores as her: 'I just hate feeling like she's trying to copy me...'

JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor

Aug 30, 2026 6:35 PM EDT

Mother daughter relationships are rarely straightforward.

Every family relationship is different. And it can change over the course of your life. Our relationships with our parents are always changing, even when we get older. Sometimes, especially when we get older. At a certain point in your life, you realize that your parents are also just people. For a long time, you think of them as monolithic, mothers and fathers, but really they started out just like you. When you realize this, a whole other chapter of your relationship begins. The mother and daughter in this story were at the beginning of that relationship shift. And it came to a head when thinking about appearance. Sometimes it's the littlest things that lead to the biggest fights between our loved ones and us. It could be something as small as what you're wearing that day that leads you to a big blowout fight. But it's important to step back and try to gain a little bit of perspective on these situations. You don't want to end up resenting each other over something that you should've communicated about. But that's what was threatening to happen here when this mother and daughter duo just couldn't get out from under their situation.

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A woman sits on the couch and her mother stands behind her

Would I be in the wrong for telling my mom to stop shopping at the same stores as me?

Before I start: I (23f) don't like to comment on other peoples bodies, style choices, etc. so much plays into our appearance so I by no means would ever judge someone.

Okay so my mom (50f) has been recently shopping at a store meant for teenagers to young adults. It started after a surry she got over a year ago that caused her to lose weight around her abdomen. She started buying jeans from there but this is where my issue was: She then commented on my body stating she could "soon fit my jeans". It rubbed me so wrong...

Knowing my aunts and cousins, there is so much comparison to our bodies and it's ridiculous. We will get told we are perfect the way we are but then turn around to talk about our appearance. It is disturbing and likely one of the reasons I struggled with my own body image.

I also am physically active and fuel my body adequately. I am by no means perfect but I take a lot of pride in my health. I am comfortable in my skin now.

Recently she got a cosmetic sur ry she's always wanted (a breast reduction). Im all for it. since it'll provide her comfort but what was said to me honestly made me upset. She now comments on my being the biggest in the house (im the only daughter) etc. I kinda brush it off cause idc but it's just her comparing her body to me.

Now shes discovering clothes she can finally wear since she doesn't take into account her chest. Im all for the comfortable clothes she's buying. But it was the "I think I bought the same pair as you" that made her new shopping style seem intentional. Being able to fit my sizes, my clothes, etc. I think she wants to look like me. Once when I was a teenager she commented if she lost weight her legs would look like mine (I had very muscular legs then and now that I worked hard for).

I have made comments in the past thinking my mom colors her hair to match mine and now I feel like shes trying to match my style a little bit... I feel like I WIBTAH if I say something because she finally feels better about her body and I don't want to diminish that. I just hate feeling like she's trying to copy me...

Commenters questioned what exactly was going on here.

Cool_Relative7359 YWBTAH Tell her you don't want her commenting on your body or making comparisons, and that you'll walk away and shut down the conversation if she does. That's a boundary you can make and uphold. Telling her where to shop is not, that's a rule and that's controlling and you can't actually make her stop.

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*A woman and her mother stand arm in arm*

The way the daughter saw it, her mom was encroaching on her space in a way that she didn't respect. The way the mom saw it, she was just expressing herself through her appearance and was finding newfound confidence in it. Is it wrong to want to have your own visual identity as a young person? No. But you also don't get to tell other people how they can dress and where they can shop. Plus, the daughter in question was old enough to be able to separate herself from her mother, and should've been able to see the forest for the trees in that way. Keep scrolling to read what happened in the story and then let us know what you think in the comments.

Equivalent_Lemon_319 The comments are weird, yes. But YWBTA. You simply don't have a say where she buys her clothes.

mariposa-princess There's no way you can tell her where to shop and come off sane

Isp2005 I would not want her in an identical outfit, but there is no problem shopping at the same store.

midnightwanderer333 ngl YTA my mom has an impeccable sense of style and if we were the same size i'd definitely be in her closet your mom is a grown woman and so are you, she can wear what she wants D

sp4c3yb4by YWBTA. women dont have to dress frumpy bc theyre a certain age. Shes an adult woman, she can dress the way she chooses. Shes just happy bc shes lost weight and

finally feels confident in her body and youre acting like her identity is just "Mom", not an adult woman who can do what she wants with her own body. You dont own that shop Imfao, she can have the same fashion style.

throwRA-nonSeq Wow, you're TWENTY-THREE? I had to go back and check; I thought this was written by a 14yo

Tootabenny My daughter and I are the same age range as you guys. I shop in the same stores as my daughter. We sometimes have the same clothes. We get our nails done together and go to the same hair dresser. She gives me tips on the latest makeup. We don't talk about shapes and sizes around here! It's not appropriate

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