Parents spend $30k of daughter's tuition money on kitchen renovation after she takes a year off from school: 'She thought we were bluffing'

JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor

Sep 1, 2026 8:00 AM EDT

It was their money. But did that mean they were allowed to spend it whenever they wanted?

If you say you're going to do something, you should probably do it. This definitely includes saving money for your kid's tuition. Tuition is a famously expensive thing, especially in the States. It can take a whole career to plan for and to save enough money to make a meaningful impact. It's not something to be messed with. If your kid is counting on the money you told them you'd have for them, then you'd better deliver. You shouldn't take it away and spend it on something frivolous just because you can.

Kids famously don't always make the best decisions for themselves, especially when they're on their own for the first time. They may be legal adults, but it can still take a while to figure out a good path. The first year of college can be exceptionally difficult. Not only are you having to figure out how to live independently, but you're probably taking some pretty challenging classes and having to manage your own study schedule. A lot can happen at once, and it's easy to get overwhelmed. Many kids have a false start, or some bumps along the way. Like the young woman in this story, who dropped out of college. Her parents were disappointed in this choice, and held her to it. But was that the right thing to do?

*A group of college students sit on a curb reading*

Am I in the wrong for spending my daughter's tuition money?

Our daughter is 20 and recently decided to go back to college after taking a year off. A few months ago, she dropped out because she said college wasn't for her. Despite our advice, she moved in with her boyfriend and started working at his family's restaurant.

There was still over $30,000 in an account I had saved specifically for her tuition. My wife and I had wanted to remodel our kitchen, so we decided to use that money for the renovation.

Before she left, our daughter asked if she could have the money. We said no and told her it was strictly for college. We also warned her that if she chose to leave college, we would use the money for something else. She said she understood.

Now things didn't work out with her boyfriend, and she didn't like the jobs she found afterward. So she decided to return to college. She was shocked when she found out we had spent the money.

She said she thought we were bluffing and expected us to pay for her college because we're still paying for her younger brother's tuition. I told her she could work part- time, attend community college, or live at home rent-free while she saves money for school.

She's angry and has been ignoring her mother's calls. My wife thinks we should still help, but we're nearing retirement and already behind on our savings. I feel like we warned her and gave her alternatives. AITA?

As a parent, the decisions you make are not cut and dry. It's easy to be led astray and wonder where that leaves you. And sometimes you need an outside opinion to get a little perspective on your situation. That's what this parent was trying to do in the wake of a pretty difficult situation with his daughter. It's sometimes hard to know if you're in the right. The internet, though, will quickly put that in line for you. That's what happened here. Keep reading for the full story and the comments.

*_{Featured likenesses do not identify those mentioned.}*

*Parents stand with their college aged daughter on a campus outside*

Commenters agreed that this was not a thoughtful thing to do.

Rosie-Disposition YTA You told her the money was for college and now she wants to use it for college. It was unreasonable to expect a 20-year old to not want to go back to school after getting a taste of the real

world. MAYBE if it had been 5 years of being out of school it would have been safe to reallocate the money, but you spent her college fund like it was burning a hole in your pocket.

Just as a financial tip for others: always fund your retirement as a priority over college funds. Kids can get a loan for college, but you can never get a loan for retirement. (Also, if you're behind on retirement, you may want to rethink a huge kitchen renovation, but that's beside the point.)

Suspicious_Juice717 YTA You don't owe your kid paid college but it definitely doesn't seem like you were routing for her. More like you caught her up in a technicality. It really feels like the second she failed you were picking out tile samples.

Dovendyreet YTA for giving up on your daughter so quickly. She's young, shell make mistakes and hopefully find her way back, which it sounds it did after only a couple of months.

tellypmoon YTA it's not as if your daughter was 35 and not likely to go back to college. You could have anticipated or hoped she might want to go and that appears to be what happened. I think you should follow through on your promise.

IcyStage0 NTA, but I also probably wouldn't have spent my kid's tuition money on my kitchen reno within a few months. Kids do stupid things and this is a big price to pay.

OrindaSarnia YTA - If you're "behind" saving for retirement than why did you blow $30k on a kitchen remodel when you could have put that towards savings? You sound just as inclined towards poor decisions as your daughter...

CharieRarie YTA. You could easily have kept that money safe for a few years. Loads of people return to college after making a mistake their first try.

R-U-A-FAN YTA. Crop excuses. You are now behind on your retirement and drop a big sum of money to remodel a kitchen. That's so much more beneficial than living up to the promises to your kids.

kt_m_smith And parents, this is why you never tell these kids that this money is theirs. This money is yours and you can spend or save it depending on what circumstances arise. Surprise tution help! Awesome. But now cant be mad if you help a sibling with money from an education spending account they assume is " Theirs".

YTA forpoor handling of the situation and using that money to remodel your kitchen when you are complaining about being behind on savings., which one is it. Also a year off school is so normal.

LadybuggingLB You are technically right but I fault the decision. You should have at least waited a few years.

And if you're behind on retirement you shouldn't have remodeled your kitchen It was her decision and you warned her, so it's on her, but parents are held to a higher standard than a scholarship entity that pulls funding.

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