Woman reflects on the fantasy of being ‘The one that got away’: ‘I honestly think it's ridiculous and almost impossible for someone to keep thinking about their ex forever’

Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor

Sep 3, 2026 4:00 PM EDT

We all cope with rejection in ridiculous ways

Maybe this is a hot take, but not everything we believe needs to be true. If we hold a belief that reinforces our self-esteem and doesn't harm anyone, is it really that bad?

I was talking about this the other day with a friend; she was telling me about this guy she dated who accused her of 'being afraid of love' when she left him, a thing that, according to my friend, wasn't true (otherwise I wouldn't be telling you this to make a point).

And she was reflecting on the kind of things we tell ourselves when somebody rejects us, only to keep our self-esteem intact while we process what we just lost. Those things can range from 'she (or he) is afraid of love', 'she loves me, but she doesn't consciously know it', 'he is going through a lot right now, and that's why he didn't fall in love ', or 'I was the one who got away'.

To me, as long as we're not trying to convince the other person of our narrative, or bothering them in any way or form, it's not that horrible to have a somewhat false belief or a petty outlook on some things.

Most of the time, as the initial sting fades away, we can casually accept that the other person didn't want us that much, and that's it.

Plus, 'The one that got away' is a controversial concept because most of the time, if we have someone who got away, we've mainly kept them as a fantasy, and we don't actually know if being with them in real life is as fantastic as we imagine. The fantasy creates the allure.

Either way, this Redditor has a completely different opinion on the topic, so let's read it! I also want to know what you think.

via Everton Vila

Picture of the one getting away
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" the one who got away" is not a real thing

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via Eli Defaria

Us while we day-dream about being 'The one that got away'
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via iamstillhereafterall
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via Kelly Sikkema

Can we at least preserve our delusions?
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