Sister writes in her job application that her sister is a referral, even though she asked her not to, as she didn't want to vouch for her again after some previous situations: 'HR emailed me confirming the referral. I replied and said no'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Sep 6, 2026 7:15 PM EDT

Maybe don't lie if you don't want to be considered a liar!


If you are a liar, then don't expect people to know you as anything but that. Is hard to need a job and not get it. I get that, and it is nice to get some help from the people that love you so you can get back on your feet. But that kind of favor isn't normally something that you ask for. You can, but it will be just that: a question. Then it's on the other person to decide whether they want to help you out or not. 

In this case, the sister was willing to help her unemployed sister prepare her résumé and her interview, but not vouch for them at her job so they would give her the interview. This struggling sister did not pay attention to what her sister said and did whatever she wanted to. Now she has to deal with the consequences of her actions. 

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  • Am I wrong for telling HR I never referred my sister after she put my name on her application?

    I (29F) have been at my company four years. We have a referral scheme, and I have used it twice, both times for people who worked out, which is part of why I get taken seriously when I recommend someone. My sister (26F) asked me in July to refer her for a coordinator opening on a different floor. I said no. I did not say it nastily, I said I would sit with her on her CV, do a practice interview, tell her exactly what the panel asks, all of it, but I was not putting my name on her. The reason is
    via UnfairHealth4868
  • The sisters before they had this drama between them. Still frame for contextual reference only.
    via Vitaly Gariev

    The sisters before they had this drama between them.

    Still frame for contextual reference only. 

  • I wouldn't vouch for her either if the one time I did, she behaved like that and can't even own it now, nor did she apologize about it.

    at the clinic where I was working. She was late constantly, then stopped showing up in week six without telling anyone, and I was the one covering her desk and apologising to my manager for a month. She has never really acknowledged that happened. She said I was being dramatic about something from four years ago. Our mum said family helps family and that I have "gone corporate". I stuck with no. She applied anyway. On the form there is a field asking whether an employee referred you, and she put
    via UnfairHealth4868

  • It's hard to say that, as you completely blocked the chance of her getting an interview. But you have told her that you wouldn't vouch for her, and she didn't care.

    she has because she has seen my payslip. HR emailed me on Monday, friendly, just confirming the referral so they could log it. I sat on it for about an hour and then I replied and said no, I had not referred her, and that she had applied on her own. I did not tell them the clinic story. I just answered the question. She found out on Thursday when they told her the referral could not be verified, and she called me screaming that I had blacklisted her and that she
    via UnfairHealth4868

  • She needed it, but you told her that you weren't going to help her like that. She should have applied without saying that she was related to you.

    was the only candidate they would now assume is a liar. My mum says I could have just said yes, that it costs me nothing, and that I have now made sure my own sister does not get a job she needs, and she does need it, she has a four year old and her hours got cut in March. I keep landing in the same place. I could have said yes and it would have been over in one email. But it would have been a lie in writing to my own employer, with my employee number attached to it, for someone who has already
    via UnfairHealth4868
  • A corporate building from the outside.
    via Sean Pollock

    A corporate building from the outside. 

  • kamikasei > she was the only candidate they would now assume is a liar She is a liar. You are never required to cover for other people's lies about you. NTA.
    via kamikasei

  • That's my point! Is your job the one that gets affected if she does again what she did before.

    FeistyChickadee NTA it's your reputation. And she added you without asking! How is your mom even siding with her?
    via FeistyChickadee
  • tefster NTA. There's no way you should risk your reputation and standing with your employer, particularly when you've had blowback from her behaviour previously. And you didn't blacklist her, lying on an application blacklisted her.
    via tefster

  • Yeah, no, the problem will last, and it's very unfortunate. But they have to understand that what this person did was just protecting her job.

    SaneForCocoaPuffs She has not spoken to me since Thursday and my mum has stopped answering my calls Problem solved itself. NTA
    via SaneForCocoaPuffs
  • aquablaze69 NTA. A referral is a reflection of the person who does the referral. Have heard horror stories so unless you can 100% get behind a person, do not refer them.
    via aquablaze69

  • That's right. You weren't going to recommend her for the job, so she lied, writing you up as if you were going to.

    Cosmicshimmer Costs you your hard earned reputation and you didn't make her look like a liar, she looks like a liar because she IS a liar. She asked, you answered and she went ahead and did it anyway. NTA
    via Cosmicshimmer
  • KsK7_ NTA. And cut off contact with your mom and sister. They clearly care only about themselves and not for you. If you're sister cared for you she would've called. Bt she knew the answer was no and she did it anyway. She has no consideration of your feelings and throws a hissy fit when you don't fall for her antics. Let her go and live your life without the constant drama.
    via KsK7_ NTA
  • presshamgang NTA but I would've recommended to HR that thry not give that as a reason considering they could simply use one of the 5000 things companies say when they don't hire somebody.
    via presshamgang
  • SnooPets8873 NTA you already have proof that your mom is flat out wrong and deliberately handwaving the past experience you've had with your sister. Referring a family member is risky enough, referring them and then the employer finding they are a c py employee in a way you should have known about and is within her control is absolutely going to harm you.
    via SnooPets8873
  • swillshop NTA. OP, be prepared... 1. That your sister will expect you to cater to her demands - most likely for her whole life. 2. That your mom will generally side with your sister for one or more reasons, possibly that Mom can relate more to your sister; neither thinks in terms of building a career/ a professional reputation. They think of jobs
    via swillshop
  • as just jobs they burn through when they want to earn money. Sis can be a shoddy employee because there is always another job around the corner. - - Mom favors your sister in general. - Mom's world does actually revolve around her family, so she can't understand why anything would matter more. She can't understand caring why you wouldn't just give family what they want. Nothing else is really a sacrifice in her mind. - They see you as the ticket to better things for sis/the family in general.
    via swillshop
  • 3. This last one is the hardest. Sis/Mom aren't just hurt/disappointed that you didn't enable her lie; they will always see things as YOUR fault (never their own choices/behaviors), and they are vindictive! The main thing there is to (1) not take their self-serving words to heart, (2) never feel guilty for making the decision you believe was right (trust your sense of right and wrong AND that you actually considered what you could/couldn't do to help either one of them), (3) never apologize for
    via swillshop
  • Some people eventually mature and take more responsibility for their lives; respect, love, and treat you like actual family instead of a favors vending machine that they kick when it doesn't deliver the favor they want. I just don't see that of your sister (and probably not of your mom). You may want to consider talking to a therapist - mainly to help you gain perspective on the dynamic between you and sis/mom, decide how you feel about that relationship, and consider how you want to deal with t
    via swillshop

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