20 year old niece stands up to her dad's disrespectful older family memebers after years of them being toxic: 'I want nothing to do with them anymore'

Author image for Giuliana Tiscioni
Giuliana Tiscioni • Writer
Sep 3, 2026 5:15 PM EDT

Toxic people have no place in our lives, even if they're family. 

A young woman shared her story of dealing with family members who don't deserve to be called family. They all come from her dad's side of the family, and they enforce a weird hierarchy on everybody. Some members of the family are at the "top," and others are at the "bottom." They've used that for years to treat each other badly, speak behind each other's backs, and meddle in issues that are none of their business. They've treated her father like a scapegoat his entire life and used his personal issues with his daughter against them. His daughter had had enough at one point and sent them a message that said everything she thought about them. Suffice it to say that the tone was as mean and disrespectful as theirs had been her entire life. They called her parents to complain instead of taking it out with her, so she grabbed the phone and started arguing with her aunt and then her cousin. Their arguments were ridiculous and made no sense, so she ended the conversation afterwards. She told her dad that if he wanted to have a relationship with them, it was his right, but she didn't want to see them anymore. 

Not because someone is family does it mean that we have to let them treat us poorly or let them walk all over us. Respect goes both ways; it's something that is earned and kept through being a decent and fair human being. Hierarchies don't exist inside a family, and if they think that they should be revered for being older, we're sorry, but they were born in the wrong century. Things work differently now. They don't get to make their relatives feel like trash and expect them to bow their heads and abide by anything they say. They need a good lesson in humility and what family actually means. This girl is brave, and probably she'll be the reason why her father finally frees himself from his sibling's toxic attitude. Everybody deserves to feel at home with their family, not like they're in a never-ending war. 

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  • AITA for finally giving my dad’s family the same energy they’ve given us for years?

    I (20F) recently had a huge argument with my aunt (49F), uncle (65M), and cousin (28F). I know I was disrespectful, but I don't regret finally standing up to them.
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  • My dad (59M) is the youngest of his siblings, and his family has always had a weird hierarchy. Certain relatives basically "run" the family. Everyone talks behind each
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  • other's backs, makes passive- aggressive comments, then acts like everything is fine. Most people avoid confronting anyone because they don't want the drama.
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  • Cheezburger Image 10661132544
    via Curated Lifestyle For Unsplash+

    Bad family.

    Not actual story subjects.

  • My dad has dealt with this his whole life. His siblings have walked all over him and hurt him repeatedly, but he always forgives them because they're family. My
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  • mom (47F) actually moved him four hours away from them when they were dating because she saw how unhealthy the dynamic was.
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  • I've always viewed my dad as a strong man. I can only remember seeing him cry four times in my life, and every time was because of his family.
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  • My dad and I have had problems in the past. I'm not pretending our relationship has always been perfect, but those problems are
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  • between ME AND HIM. His family is extremely nosy and brings up our past issues to shame both of us.
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  • That's how I got involved this time. My aunt and uncle were arguing with my dad and brought up me and my past issues with my dad even though the original argument had nothing to do with me.
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  • When I found out, I was fed up and sent them a message confronting them about how I've watched them treat my family over
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  • the years. I'll admit it was disrespectful in tone, but everything I said was genuinely how I felt.
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  • Instead of contacting me about MY message, they called my parents yelling about what I said. I'm 20. My parents didn't write it, I did.
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  • I eventually got on the phone, and my cousin (28F) joined in defending her parents and started cussing me out. She said she was
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  • Cheezburger Image 10661136640
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Young girl talking on the phone with her cousin.

    Model portrayal.

  • at the "top" of the family while | was at the "bottom," called me a lowlife, and started listing her money, career, master's degree,
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  • marriage, etc. She also randomly insisted she wasn't jealous of me even though I never accused her of being jealous.
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  • I thought comparing us was ridiculous. I'm 20 and still in college. I'm graduating with my bachelor's at 20, while she's had eight more years to establish herself.
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  • During the call, I became disrespectful too and matched their energy. When they accused me of being disrespectful, I said, "Yeah, I am. And? You're acting like you haven't been disrespectful to me my whole life.”
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  • Meanwhile, my parents stayed calm. At one point they sarcastically said something like, "Yeah, I guess we didn't raise our children right," which seemed to irritate my relatives even more.
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  • Afterward, I broke down crying to my parents. I told them how much I hate watching my dad's family treat us this way, especially him. I told my dad it hurts watching him continuously forgive people who hurt him.
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  • I also told him that if he wants a relationship with his siblings, that's his choice and I respect it. However, I personally want nothing to do with them anymore.
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  • They're very traditional and believe younger relatives should respect their elders and know their place. I was raised to express myself, and I believe respect goes both ways.
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  • I'm not pretending I handled this perfectly. I WAS disrespectful. I just reached my limit after years of watching this dynamic.
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  • I've said what I needed to say, and now I plan on distancing myself instead of continuing to argue. AITA for finally snapping and disrespecting my older relatives. after they brought me into an argument and used my private issues with my dad against him?
    via Own-Measurement-33

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toxic family family dynamics family drama aita toxic reddit story family feud family Reddit toxic relationship bad family
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