'I don’t want to spend my money celebrating someone who hurt me': Coworker refuses to bring food to colleague's wedding celebration since they argue at work

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 7, 2026 4:30 PM EDT

Do you have to spend money on your coworkers if you don't want to? 

The answer seems like an easy no, but it's not always as simple as that. Sometimes social pressure, especially in the workplace, is strong. You don't want to lose out on professional opportunities just because you're feuding with someone over something petty. It pays to be friends with your coworkers, at least to a professional degree. You don't have to be besties, but it benefits both of you to be open and effective communicators. The pair of coworkers in this story were at odds with each other, and it was starting to spill into other areas of the business. When it came time to celebrate one of their weddings, things got a little bit dicey. Everyone was expected to bring something to eat, but one coworker didn't feel comfortable spending any of their money on a coworker they didn't respect. 

There is a fine line between protecting your own peace and holding a grudge. Holding a grudge is never a great idea to do at work. Sure, plenty of people are going to come around and hurt your feelings or get under your skin, but it benefits you to brush them off. You would hate for them to get in the way of your career. And something as simple as participation in a work event could have repercussions in your work life. The small things have a way of adding up. 

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  • Two female coworkers argue at a cafe
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Still frame for contextual reference only.


    Two female coworkers argue at a cafe 

  • Am I in the wrong for not bringing food to a coworkers going to get married celebration celebration?

    I am 5 months into a new job where I have to work on a team. About a month ago this co worker as well as 2 other coworkers on that team berated me during our daily morning meeting. This was over differing in viewpoints as well as work load. The "apology"
    via Rare_Veterinarian779
  • that I received from this co worker was one that was summed up as "sorry you had that reaction to the way we treated you but this is why you deserved to be treated in that manner". Since then there has been petty things like deleting what I wrote in a shared document without asking my rationale. It's not always bad interactions she has done some teamly things here and there.
    via Rare_Veterinarian779
  • There will be a celebration for her getting married soon and all the members on the team are bringing food. I don't want to spend my money celebrating someone who hurt me. And I don't plan on eating any of the food the rest of the team brought. AITAH for not bringing food to celebrate her?
    via Rare_Veterinarian779

  • It's understandable to want to be petty, but pettiness has its place, and it's not always in the workplace. Often, it's better to just play nice even when you're faking it, or else you might sow division amongst your coworkers. If this gets too real, then it might have a negative impact on your workplace vibes. And once you upset the vibes, they can be very hard to get back on track. And then before you know it, you're losing out on professional opportunities. Keep reading to see what happened here, and let us know in the comments what you think about it.

  • Commenters gave their ideas and takes on the situation.

    RWAdvice NTA but deleting your work without a conversation or explaination is not something most workplaces tolerate. You might want to document everything and talk to HR about her behaviour towards you and the hostile work environment she's creating.
    via Rare_Veterinarian779
  • Two coworkers discuss something in front of a window
    via The Jopwell Collection

    Scene is illustrative and does not depict actual individuals or events.


    Two coworkers discuss something in front of a window

  • Global-Net3236 How petty do you want to look in front of the office?
    via Rare_Veterinarian779
  • tgtyelijtlablir Well here's the thing, this is a crossroad for you: you bring something and you can see it as an Olive branch in hopes that things get better between you and them, or you don't bring anything and they see you as the AH, have more reasons to hate you, alienate you and things will probably get worse. Le choice is yours...
    via Rare_Veterinarian779
  • Vivid-Farm6291 I would just bring some bread rolls or something that doesn't cost much. Sounds like a horrible work environment so question is don't bring anything and it gets worse or bring something and maybe it stays as is? NTA
    via Rare_Veterinarian779
  • Solid Tangerine1204 Taking the high road doesn't mean you're giving in. It means you're going to handle things in a mature manner. Not bringing in something is petty, but I know it sounds good behind the scenes lol. Be your best self & conquer this negative bs in the work place. I wish you the best
    via Rare_Veterinarian779
  • Lady_Tiffknee I'd call out that day if U could lol. NTA!!
    via Rare_Veterinarian779
  • Whale Take that day off. You have a cold. Cough cough. Enjoy a nice lunch at home.
    via Rare_Veterinarian779
  • Choice-Pudding-1892 You bring something, you eat something and then you leave and go back to work. Otherwise, you will forever be branded the petty, immature, sulking baby of the office. And just as an aside, how old are you?
    via Rare_Veterinarian779
  • Realistic_Jello_2038 Be gracious and bring something basic. Play the long game.
    via Rare_Veterinarian779
  • nothnxihaveabf Petty spaghetti: find out her least favorite food somehow and bring that
    via Rare_Veterinarian779

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terrible coworkers antiwork workplace-stories job bosses work coworkers working toxic-boss workplace bad bosses
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