33-year-old girlfriend resents her 38-year-old boyfriend of 4 years who has been unemployed for 3 of those years: 'His brother is paying his rent and his parents pay his credit card.'

Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor

Sep 18, 2026 7:45 AM EDT

He sounds like a real winner.

There's nothing more unattractive than somebody who has no motivation to do anything with their life. I understand that everyone goes through rough patches in their life. Just because you're unemployed or don't know what to do with the rest of your life does not make you a bad person. It makes you extremely human! If you don't aspire to make boatloads of money, that's also perfectly fine! A lot of people do a lot of good for this world and for their families in capacities that have nothing to do with making money. However, if you have no motivation to do anything (work, raise a family, go to school, volunteer, make art, move your body), you won't be attractive to most people. People like people who can take care of themselves and are self-starters. It's attractive to bring something to the table, especially something that your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't have! There is nothing more attractive than somebody helping you mount the TV on your wall when you would never be able to do that by yourself in a million years.

The woman in this story is coming to a difficult point in her relationship. She's realizing that her unemployed boyfriend, who has no motivation to do anything and lives off his parents, won't change. She doesn't know what to do, but it's pretty obvious what she should do.

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via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

Lazy boyfriend lies on the couch all day long.
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I'm [33F] growing resentful of my unemployed partner [38M] and unsure of what to do next.
We've been together for 4 years, he's been "unemployed" for 3, or that's when his income pretty much became nothing apart from freelance projects that fall onto his lap maybe once or twice a year. We're both in the creative industry and for a while we worked together, and actually at some of freelance projects I end up taking part in and helping him out (sometimes doing 70% of the work for 20% of the money but I digress).
When the studio we both worked at dissolved, I struggled but found a job in six months. He hasn't been employed since, this year he freelanced at an agency for a month with the possibility of extending his contract but was fired for not doing his job properly. As of now he has ran out of money, his brother is paying his rent and his parents his credit card.
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via Vitaly Gariev

Boyfriend's parents are paying his credit card bill.
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I actually don't resent the fact that he's unemployed, I hate the fact that he doesn't seem to want to help himself. In these three years he's been unemployed, I've done multiple courses, switched jobs, became unemployed again but found two jobs in 5 weeks, apart from other two interviews and not to mention starting another course to transition careers and working at something more stable and profitable. Meanwhile he hasn't done anything, not a single interview, which I find odd for someone way more experienced than me. I'm tired of giving ideas and hearing back "you know nothing about this field, I've worked in creativity for 18 years and I know what I'm doing and I won't switch careers".
Fair enough, it's valid to keep on being a freelancer, but he doesn't work on that either. Haven't updated his portfolio, haven't set up a website, haven't come up with a business plan or whatever just to get things started. He lays on the couch all day watching videos, blaming his sadness, his problems, the industry, other people, and so on for his own misfortune. I know how hard it is but really, I don't know what else to do to help him. I've even offered to pay for the same course I'm starting and a referral to my old position now that I'm leaving, but he doesn't seem interested.
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via Johannes Blenke

The woman is working at a studio as a camera operator.
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I've shared with him that unless he gets a job, we won't ever move in together, get married or anything. I feel like my life is in suspension because the best he can offer me is to stay in watching videos. I want financial security, I want to be able to afford a nice trip once a year, I want to be able to make plans, sign a contract. I want to progress in life, even if just a bit. When I ask him what he'll do if his parents stop sponsoring him, he says he'll get a loan on behalf of his father and that's it.
I'm no Jeff Bezos myself and have made terrible financial decisions but I'm trying desperately to get my life back on track and his inability to at least try to follow me along so we can both grow together makes me wonder he doesn't want much else out of this relationship. I've run out of ideas to make him engage with life again, in all sorts of ways and fields, I've given ultimatums and nothing seems to work. I'm running out of patience What else is there to do?
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via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

A woman stresses about her future with her boyfriend, who can't self-start.
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TLDR: My boyfriend of 4 years isn't doing much to get himself out of his unemployment. I've tried staying by his side throughout it all, giving ideas, helping him out in projects but nothing seems to work. His lack of interest in his own life and therefore ours is making me frustrated and even angry at times. I don't know what else to say or do to make him follow me along.