23-year-old girlfriend working 20 hours a week demands that 25-year-old boyfriend working 50 hours a week financially support her whole family: 'She sees it as a sacrifice couples make.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Sep 21, 2026 1:15 PM EDT

He is being taken advantage of, and he needs to leave. 

If there's one piece of relationship advice that everyone should follow, it's that you shouldn't financially support someone you're not married to. It's understandable to want to help pay your partner's bills if they're struggling, but it's a red flag if they're asking you for money, especially early on in the relationship. There's a very good chance that they're taking advantage of your kindness and desire to be a supportive partner. Normal, stable people don't ask their boyfriend of 2 months to pay their rent, because they know it's their responsibility to pay their own rent. An unstable person will jump from relationship to relationship, squeezing all of the resources out of their partner until they are fed up with being an ATM. 

If you've been with someone for two years, you're more likely to want to treat your relationship like a marriage. Many people, two years into a relationship, will combine finances and have children together before getting married, which is a recipe for disaster if you break up. If you move into your girlfriend's house, help her pay the mortgage, and break up without your name ever going on the deed, you have little to no legal recourse to get the money you put into that house back! 

A lot of times, the way you're treated when you're dating is the way you'll be treated in your marriage. If your girlfriend expects you to send half of your paycheck to her parents because that's what she does, then she's definitely going to expect that when you're a married couple. That is the situation that the guy in this story has found himself in. He has way too many financial goals on his plate right now, including paying for graduate school, saving for himself, and his girlfriend expects him to send money to her family every time they have an emergency. When you're broke like they are, everything is an emergency. 

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  • Lovely woman with blonde hair lying on her boyfriend on a sofa embracing together
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Boyfriend and girlfriend.

    Representative only.

  • I (25M) am getting frustrated with my (23F) girlfriend because I’m supporting her family financially

    My girlfriend [23F] and I [25M] have been together for two years. Everything was going well until her family started having financial problems. I initially helped out here and there because I wanted to support her, but over time it became almost constant.
    via Dooomsday_
  • I work about 50 hours a week while also being a graduate student, and I'm trying to save money for my own future. Lately, it feels like there's something her family needs. almost every day, and I can't keep giving away most of my paycheck.
    via Dooomsday_
  • I've talked to my girlfriend about this more than five times and asked if she could work more than 20 hours a week. She believes helping each other and making sacrifices is part of being a couple, but I'm starting to feel like I'm financially supporting an entire family at 25.
    via Dooomsday_
  • Her family is nice, and I don't blame them for struggling, but I don't want this to become my responsibility indefinitely. How would you handle setting a financial boundary with a partner when helping their family has gradually become an expectation?
    via Dooomsday_
  • TL;DR: I (25M)work 50 hours a week while in graduate school and have been financially helping my girlfriend's family. What started as occasional help has become almost constant, and repeated conversations with my girlfriend haven't changed anything. She sees it as a sacrifice couples make, while I'm trying to save for my own. future. How would you handle this?
    via Dooomsday_
  • MegaMau She believes helping each other and making sacrifices is part of being a couple She believes that you should help and make sacrifices, not her. The time to cut them off was weeks ago. You always get more of what you subsidize.
    via MegaMau
  • Witty-Zucchini1 What sacrifice is SHE making for HER family? Unless her sacrifice is staying with OP cause she found a sucker willing to hand over money for alledged family monetary problems. For that matter, is the money really going to them or is it going into the gf's pockets which is why she can get away with working only 20 hours?
    via Witty-Zucchini1
  • Formal-Research4531 What sacrifice is she making for OP's family?
    via Formal-Research4531
  • Troublesome Turnip Just walk away, you're an ATM to your gf and her family.
    via TroublesomeTurnip
  • Quick-Store2989 Exactly, I only see one person sacrificing in this senerio. She can even work 20 hours to try and help? Where is her attempt at sacrificing for the family. I would just stop giving money and I hope your finances aren't combined
    via Quick-Store2989
  • Independent_LILz2947 Its always easy to spend someone else's money
    via Independent_LILz2947
  • ButterflyEden You shouldn't have to support her family, this has to stop asap. Lets put their payback on the table and see how your gf reacts. You're not even married, could just have thrown that money out of the window
    via ButterflyEden
  • Dooomsday OP Exactly!!! I even respectfully asked her it's her family who is struggling and wouldn't it be fair for her to work more than 20 hours? Her response is to scream and change the subject. I'm already thinking of walking away
    via Dooomsday_
  • Ellen Moyer She screamed at you for suggesting she pick up more hours?? Why in the world would her family expect money from you?? Do you have a baby together that her family cares for? Are they helping maintain your home or your car? Watch your pet, cook meals? Really, what are these people bringing to the table? WTH, just walk.
    via EllenMoyer
  • OffKira Congratulations on being a patriarch to an entire clan at 25? Seriously though. Friend, this woman and her family are using you, that's the short of it. Use that knowledge as you will. And those 50hr weeks will eventually cause problems, man, and do you seriously think a woman who watches you break your back for her and her family while doing bare f need? minimum will support you in your time of
    via OffKira
  • The_Jade_Rabbit88 He should fake losing his job and see how quickly her attitude changes. People greedy for green are not loyal.
    via The_Jade_Rabbit88

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boyfriend part time job finance money problems working relationships girlfriend finances relationship problems financial support money
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