Woman struggles to find a good enough reason to break up with a friend: ‘99% of our conversations revolve around her life, her problems, her interests, and the things happening with her’

Author image for Olivia Arocena
Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Oct 6, 2026 4:00 PM EDT

I've ended relationships for much smaller reasons

I think part of our mandatory emotional education should be that we're allowed to end any relationship we want for whatever reason we choose.

No, it doesn't have to be a huge reason; in fact, there can be no reason at all. Wanting is enough of a reason. Friendships and relationships are all about desire, and the day we stop wanting to be somebody's friend or lover is the day we should leave.

We're taught we should have a big breakup conversation, or have enough of a reason to leave, but sometimes there isn't any. What's the point of keeping a friendship if we don't want to be there for them?

I think part of the problem is that we look at breaking up with a friend as a moral problem, and it really isn't. There doesn't have to be any bad guys or good guys; it's either you feel like seeing someone, or you don't. It really is that simple.

I've distanced myself from many friendships before because my life took another turn and I felt more inclined to see other people. Luckily, most of those friends silently understood that and also focused on the people who naturally gravitated to them.

Of course, not all of us possess that wisdom, and some people fixate on the idea that you owe them something; trust me, that's never the case. I'm not here to tell you you should break all your vows.

Sometimes it's important that you go through some conflict with some relationships and come out the other side, but with others, leaving  without needing a reason would be best for everyone.

Also, if your friend only talks about herself, isn't that enough of a reason? Is she literally showing you she doesn't care about you? Isn't that enough of a reason, really?

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  • Cheezburger Image 10669280256
    via Viktor Hesse

    You don't need a good enough reason

    Actor performance of story events

  • AITA for no longer wanting to be friends with someone who hasn’t done anything bad enough to justify leaving?

    I'm struggling with something that's making me feel guilty, and I genuinely want outside opinions. I have a friend who I've been close with for over a decade. She hasn't done
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  • anything terrible to me. She hasn't betrayed me, bu ed me, lied to me, or done anything that would make it obvious to an outsider that I should cut her off. And that's exactly why I feel so guilty about not wanting to be friends
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  • anymore. For years, I haven't enjoyed the friendship. 99% of our conversations revolve around her life, her problems, her interests, and the things happening with her. I'll listen and
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  • engage and support her, but she rarely asks me how I am, if she does it's only brief before the conversation turns back into her. I feel like her audience/therapist, not her friend.
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  • I've always felt like I couldn't be myself around her and that I had to put up a more serious front. We don't have the kind of banter that makes me think, "I love spending time with this person." I
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  • honestly don't laugh much or have fun when we're together, I personally find her boring to hang out with. Sometimes after spending time with her, I partly feel happier bc I've gotten out
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  • Cheezburger Image 10669280512
    via Frederick Shaw

    Someone who only cares about themselves is not your friend

    Photo is a representation of scenes

  • of the house and socialised, but most of the time I just feel drained and exhausted, because I come away thinking "I didn't even have fun, it was boring and draining listening to her go on and on about herself".
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  • I've compared the friendship to other friendships I've had in the past, and that's made the difference more obvious. I know what it feels like to be around someone where I could talk about completely ordinary
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  • things, joke around, and not feel like I have to perform a particular version of myself. I think part of the reason I've held onto the friendship is history and familiarity. It's hard
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  • because on the surface, we're close, she makes time for me, we hang out etc, so it'll feel out of the blue to then say "I don't wanna be friends anymore". I've caught myself thinking
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  • that I need her to do me wrong in some way so that I can finally say, "Now I'm allowed to leave." Because if she hasn't done anything wrong, then I feel like I'm a person for deciding I don't want her in my life anymore.
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  • If one day she suddenly became more reciprocal and less self centred, I don't think my fundamental feelings would change. I don't think I'd suddenly think, "THIS is the friendship I've always wanted." I think I would still
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  • just not particularly enjoy being around her because our interests don't align and we're not really compatible. I don't really want this friendship anymore, but she's my only friend so
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  • without her, I'll have no one. Any advice or similar experiences would be appreciated :)
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  • Inevitable-Cat869 A lack of reciprocity is a good reason to cut someone off.
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  • ieeheh Make efforts to make friends with other people first. You can slowly distance yourself to her
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  • Cheezburger Image 10669280768
    via Antonin Duallia

    A friendship breakup

    Image depicted solely for explanatory purposes

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friendship friends toxic relationship
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