Woman shares “unpopular advice” for dealing with a friend who has a crush on you: ‘They'll usually lie about their feelings going away, because they want continued access (even if it hurts them). And they WILL resent you’

Author image for Olivia Arocena
Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Oct 8, 2026 1:45 PM EDT

This is definitely a golden rule

I think we've all liked a friend at some point in our lives, and we can all agree it always gets very confusing. When we like someone a lot, we naturally don't want to lose them, so we will likely say yes to keeping them as a friend even though we want more.

We might deny it, but in the back of our minds, we will probably be waiting for them to change their opinion about us. It's not rational, and it's not on purpose, of course, but it's something denial does for most of us.

A person should be really secure for this not to happen. They should be able to know themselves when they're getting too involved with somebody who only sees them as a friend. But well, that doesn't happen every time, and it's normal for the person who has a crush on somebody to be vulnerable.

The woman in the post below writes really interesting reasons why you shouldn't keep a person who likes you as a friend, and I think her arguments are strong.

If we really appreciate our friend and don't want to lose them, we should put some distance between us, at least for a couple of months. Just so the body understands there is no hidden opportunity and correctly grieves the loss. I've done this with two friends, and they have completely gotten over it. It's only natural.

Do you think this approach is too rigid, or would you do the same? Has it ever occurred to you? Were you able to set your feelings aside and continue having the friendship without expecting anything to change?

Maybe it depends on how much emotional maturity your friend has, but if you find yourself in this situation and don't know what to do, I think the advice below could suit you.

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  • We will have to put some distance between us

    Cheezburger Image 10669583104
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Friendzoned

    Model portrayal

  • Do NOT stay friends with a friend who confesses to you!

    Unpopular advice but I feel obligated to share it anyways. Whether you had to confront them into confessing, or whether they explicitly confessed
    via Remote-Hedgehog3430
  • their feelings to you: DO NOT offer a continued friendship if you're rejecting them. I know a ton of people do it out of guilt, but resist! It will not end well.
    via Remote-Hedgehog3430
  • If you are the exception, and you're about to comment "Well, / kept the friendship and it's been 10 years and they're my best friend ever in the whole wide world", congratulations!
    via Remote-Hedgehog3430
  • Genuinely, you're lucky. Very lucky. I hope you can understand how rare that is. In MOST cases, things will not be the same. They'll usually lie about their
    via Remote-Hedgehog3430
  • feelings going away, because they want continued access (even if it hurts them). And they WILL resent you. Maybe not right away, but it will happen eventually.
    via Remote-Hedgehog3430
  • Especially if you're discussing your romantic life with them. In fact, they might resent you even IF their feelings went away. Because while they were your friend, they imagined a future with you. In some
    via Remote-Hedgehog3430
  • cases they've already imagined dating you; it's a done deal in their mind. And when they get this fantasy shattered by a rejection, the bitterness begins. It WILL affect how they see you. This behavior will get the
    via Remote-Hedgehog3430
  • ugliest and most obvious if you start a relationship with someone else. Most people think they're good at hiding their jealousy; they're not. Their friend is just pretending not to notice the obvious
    via Remote-Hedgehog3430
  • animosity in order to keep the peace. MAKE IT CLEAR THAT YOU NOTICE! You might think your friendship is fine, meanwhile they're talking sh about you to their
    via Remote-Hedgehog3430
  • other friends, or maybe they're posting about your "friendship" on r/Friendzone (where strangers will bash you for "torturing them" or accuse you of using your friend), or maybe they're just wallowing in their own self
    via Remote-Hedgehog3430
  • pity & acting mopey around you because you said "no". Despite their misery, these people would agree that the onus is on YOU to cut them off. I know people get shamed for ending a friendship
    via Remote-Hedgehog3430
  • Cheezburger Image 10669583360
    via Jovan Vasiljević

    Unsent letters

    Stock photo unrelated

  • over a confession. but most people who crush on their friends don't have the self respect to leave. They only develop the self respect AFTER their resentment grows. So you end up having to do it for them. It really sks
    via Remote-Hedgehog3430
  • because you get bashed either way, but in the long run it's the best thing for both parties. In a perfect world, the person confessing would respect themselves enough not to accept a "friendzone offer" that they hate. But
    via Remote-Hedgehog3430
  • unfortunately people will take what they can get & then hate you for it. When you reject your friend, STRANGERZONE them!! Do NOT allow their feelings to fester into a hatred for you. I promise
    via Remote-Hedgehog3430
  • you, you can find another friend. I'm confident that for every 1 friendship that collapses like this, there are at least 10 friendships
    via Remote-Hedgehog3430
  • out there that wouldn't. Save yourself the headache and just cut things off while they're still bittersweet, before you end on a truly sour note.
    via Remote-Hedgehog3430
  • CAH-319 CD MARKER PERMANENT INK
    via Christian Agbede

    There's no working it out

    Image for illustrative purposes

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friendship relationship advice friends relationships toxic relationship relationship drama
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