Woman in her 20s attends boyfriend's family dinner with 8 children under 3 and gets scolded for bringing a baby to their own mom for a diaper change instead of changing them herself: 'You had the stuff right beside you'

Author image for Celeste Mello
Celeste Mello • Writer and Editor
Oct 9, 2026 5:15 PM EDT

Before inviting me to a family dinner, please let me know if it comes with babysitting responsibilities such as changing diapers. I might pick a different seat. Or a different dinner.

I didn't know that sitting near diapers came with responsibilities. Next time, I'd sit near the bread, where helping out involves passing a basket. I would appreciate knowing how these assignments work before getting comfortable. 

A woman in her 20s posted on the Reddit AITA subreddit under this username that she visited her boyfriend's family after about 20 months together. With eight children under three at the gathering, there were plenty of little ones to spend time with. Spending time with toddlers does not include changing diapers, as far as I'm concerned. That would be called babysitting. Since I don't know you and I don't know your baby, why would I be responsible for changing him? The woman was just a guest. She didn't think changing someone else's child was her responsibility. 

The explanation she received in return was that "everybody eventually had to help or nothing would get done." Okay, I understand wanting extra hands at a busy gathering. What I don't understand is asking a guest who is nearly a stranger to change your baby's diapers.

What is even worse is that the guest was being questioned for not doing something she never informed the family she knew how to do. They never questioned her diaper-changing abilities; they thought it was obvious that she knew how to do that and that it was her responsibility. This wouldn't have happened if the guest was male. 

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  • The boyfriend's family dinner includes 8 children and an unexpected argument over a diaper change.
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    The boyfriend's family dinner includes 8 children and an unexpected argument over a diaper change.

    Actor performance of story events.

  • AITA for bringing the baby to their mom instead of looking after it by myself?

    I (20's F) was visiting my partner's family a few days ago for an early Thanksgiving celebration. For context, we've been together about 20 months now. He comes from a large family, and
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  • has plenty of young nieces and nephews as a result. There was eight children under the age of three at this dinner.
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  • We were hanging out with some of the little ones, and one of them needed to be changed. The supplies were close to me, but I didn't think it was my
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  • responsibility to handle it - and my boyfriend was nap trapped by a newborn so he couldn't either.
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  • The guest brings the baby to his mom and lets her know the child needs a diaper change.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The guest brings the baby to his mom and lets her know the child needs a diaper change.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I took the kid over to their mom ("Paige" let's call her) and told her they needed a change. She wasn't doing anything when I brought the baby over, just talking to another relative. Paige
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  • stared at me and was like "You had the stuff right beside you. You don't know to change a baby?". I explained that I do, I just didn't think this was my responsibility. She told me that "there's
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  • eight babies and toddlers running around here" and that "everyone has to help out eventually or nothing will ever get done". Paige changed her own kid,
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  • but handed them back to me immediately afterwards and proceeded to give me a look for not doing it myself.
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  • Having diaper supplies within reach puts the guest in charge of changing someone else's baby.
    via Unsplash+ (Nathan Dumlao)

    Having diaper supplies within reach puts the guest in charge of changing someone else's baby.

    Licensed media provided as editorial context.

  • AITA for bringing the baby to their mom instead of looking after it by myself?
    via halloweencupcake15
  • Character_Log_5444 Absolutely NTA. I have had lots of babies and I would NEVER expect someone else to change a dirty diaper. The nerve! The audacity. I would appreciate the help, but never assume someone else should take care of a full diaper.
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  • Appropriate-Lime-167 Nta. If you were a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend no one wouldve expected this of you, this was 100% a assumption imo
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  • forgetmeknotts Maybe it's cultural, but I would find it extremely weird if you HAD changed the baby. This isn't a baby you know well or the baby of someone you are close to. NTA, at all. That mom is entitled and weird.
    via forgetmeknotts
  • Curious_Contract2172 NTA sorry but I'm never going to change a baby unless it's previously discussed or I'm babysitting and therefore it's definitely my responsibility. Imagine how this situation could've gone if you had changed the baby and the mom didn't want you to? I would've done the same thing as you
    via Curious_Contract2172
  • Theresnoneedtopoint NTA. I have five kids, and while I would always appreciate someone helping out, I would never 'expect' it or make someone feel badly about not wanting to change a diaper.
    via Theresnoneedtopoint
  • Appropriate-Value54 NTA. That's not your baby. That baby isn't even the baby of your family member, or the baby of like, your best friend or something. Frankly I think it'd be more strange if you automatically decided it was your responsibility and changed the baby of this person you barely know without asking
    via Appropriate-Value54

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Tags

childcare diaper change family expectations family gathering babysitting boyfriend's family
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