37-year-old puts his high-school crush down as a reference when applying to her job, even though they hadn't seen each other in 22 years: 'He had an unhealthy obsession with me.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Oct 21, 2026 4:00 PM EDT

Most of us hope that we never see our creepy high school crushes again after we graduate. It would be such a nightmare to have to deal with them again, especially somewhere that you're supposed to feel safe, like your job. 

Who among us hasn't had an unrequited crush? There have been times in my adult life when I've had crushes that were so intense, I didn't know if I would be able to get over them. Of course, as Andrew Scott said in Fleabag, when Phoebe Waller-Bridge said she was in love with him, "It'll pass." He was right! I am lucky that I've never had a crush that has lasted more than a year and a half. But the times when I did have a crush that lasted longer than a year were something I'd never wish on anyone. It's actually torture. 

When I was younger, I was shocked to learn that some people have crushes that last for years and even decades. I just can't imagine not being able to get over somebody for so long. I would understand if you lost your husband and you were still in love with him years later, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about being hung up on unrequited crushes where there was never any chemistry whatsoever. Sometimes, those are the hardest to get over, and the only way to get over them is to get as far away from the person you're crushing on as you possibly can. 

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    A smiling man in a suit stands in an office
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    A man applying for a job at his high school crushes job.

    Still frame for contextual reference only.

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    Guy who had a crush on me in high school just moved to town, applied to a job I work for & my boss emailed me asking me my experience of knowing him

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    with someone else. I was so relieved that once I graduated I left him in my past. Recently after my shift ended a guy asked me where applications are & I directed him to the front desk then he immediately recognized
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    me saying hi in his old sing-songy tone he used to say it in whenever he saw me, he said who he was and I thought, "oh dear Asgard no!"
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    do?
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    pop-crackle I would reply to the email - "Hi Boss, I do recognize the name, however, he was someone I only had a passing acquaintance with in high school and we haven't spoken since I graduated. Based on our interactions during that time I would not be comfortable vouching for his character and do not believe he'd be a good fit for this role and our team, however, I haven't spoken to him in over 22 yrs so things may have changed. Let me know if you have any other questions and we can set up some
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    Wi1dWitch Yeah no I'd make it way more clear that you're explicitly recommending NOT hiring him, this just makes it sound like he's a neutral stranger to you.
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    You really have to be careful about who you vouch for at work. Honestly, I don't even know if I would vouch for some of my closest friends at my job, because I hear what they do there, and I wouldn't want that in a coworker. I love my best friend, but the fact that she sleeps under her desk for hours at a time during the workday makes me question how much I would want her as a coworker. My dad has told me the same thing about his best friend. If you're going to vouch for a friend to work at your company, it's probably only wise to do so if you've worked with them before. If they were bad at helping you organize a volunteering event for your adult rec sports league, they probably wouldn't be the best coworker in the world. 

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    hey-look-its-reddit Hi. HR here. 10+ years. You need to be honest about your experience with the hiring manager and raise your concerns with HR. Do it in writing. Make it very very clear that you stated your concerns ahead of any hiring decision. You don't need to drag the guy. Just be honest about the experience. "I find it a bit surprising that I was listed as a reference or someone who could vouch for his professional behavior. I've not seen or interacted with NAME in over 20 years, nor have
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    rbuckfly Tell your boss exactly what you told all of us.
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    shugEOuterspace I would say you should give him a chance to prove that he's grown up until I got to the part where he basically listed you as a reference & called you an old friend. you should straight up tell them that he was basically an unwanted stalker who couldn't take a hint & that you cannot work with him.... & you should not hesitate. literally make the phone call or send that email right now.
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    I just don't understand how this guy can be so clueless about the bad vibe he gave off as a teenager. If he's calling himself an old friend, it sounds like he looks upon this friendship (if you can even call it that) with fondness. It would be one thing if he ran into her in public by accident, gave her a hug, and said they should get coffee sometime without any intention of actually doing so. That would be a normal way to see a childhood crush. The fact that he didn't even identify himself when he saw her at the desk, and that he is trying to get into her workplace, are both very bad signs. 

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    Update: Because this happened on Friday last week my boss had finally come to his resume/application today. So many said to be honest with my boss I was completely honest I told her I haven't seen him since he was sixteen and I was eighteen, I am not his friend which tells you big red flag not to mention he simply put under references, "ask your employee 'insert my name' about me she can vouch for me'. My boss cannot overlook red flags he gave and so she either will call him or email him to say
    via u/Gymtrio2025

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boss jobs job crushes workplace high school reference crush
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