Wife torn after veteran husband with PTSD wants to adopt an Akita for safety, but a terrifying run-in with one leaves her afraid of the dog breed

Author image for Ayala Sorotsky
Ayala Sorotsky • Writer and Editor
Oct 23, 2026 10:45 AM EDT

It's not easy to both love dogs and simultaneously feel scared of them.

Until I was around 4 or 5, I was totally afraid of dogs. Not as "not liking dogs", but actually terrified. Every time I would see a dog walking towards my general direction in the street, even from very far away, I'd immediately ask my parents to lift me into their arms. Like, crying hysterically for them to do that, even if the dog doesn't even give a shmootz about me. I didn't care - I wanted to be "safe", as far away as possible from the dog. It could be a large dog, just as it could've been a small one, but my kid-self didn't make that distinction. I was afraid, and that's it.

But the thing is, it's not that I disliked dogs, I was just legitimately afraid. For no reason, granted, but I was a very young kid. Today it's not the case - I love all dogs, I think they're pawsome. But I don't have a dog… because I'm married to a woman who is afraid of dogs. She's not the age I was when I used to be afraid of dogs, obviously, but she's still not willing to walk on a sidewalk if she sees a big dog walking towards her. Her story is a bit different and rooted in childhood trauma, but that's a story for another time. And still, the fear is there - so we got a cat (which I adore), but will probably never adopt a dog.

And that's where my issue with the husband in the story below lies. It doesn't matter what the underlying reason for wanting to adopt a dog, or a specific dog breed, because once you have a spouse who is scared - it's off the table. I would never imagine putting my wife in a situation where she's torn over me asking to adopt a scary dog while she's afraid. And I'm sorry, but the fact that the husband here is a veteran with PTSD isn't a reason to adopt a dog his wife is scared of. It's a reason to treat it with therapy, support, and love.

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  • 01

    "[Am I wrong] for not letting my husband get his dream dog?"

    For context, my husband is a combat veteran with PTSD; he has nightmares semi-frequently and doesn't do very well emotionally when he doesn't feel safe. He has
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  • 02
    also expressed that it can be exhausting to be the sole "protector" of the home, and that he generally wishes he had some sort of external safety that he could go to when he's having a moment of panic.
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  • 03
    Cheezburger Image 10672535296
    via Prostock-studio

    Close-up of a soldier's midsection in uniform while he's seated, holding his hands in tight fists, stressed from PTSD.

    Model representation.

  • 04
    Some friends of ours had adopted a huge 150+ lb American Akita some time ago. I'm not familiar with the circumstances, but I know he was rehomed to them as an adult. He
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  • 05
    didn't seem aggressive the first few times we met him, maybe slightly standoffish but I just figured we were strangers and he needed to be won over. Our own dog loved to play with him, and he loved to play
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  • 06
    American Akita dog close-up, snowy background.
    via Koljambus

    American Akita dog close-up, snowy background.

    Stock photo unrelated.

  • 07
    with her. My husband absolutely fell in love with that dog, and told me that he would really love to have one, and that he would finally feel like he had that external safety if we
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  • 08
    had one of our own. He said he had never felt that safe before, except around that dog.
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  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10672534528
    via James Smeaton from Pexels

    American Akita dog sitting and looking away from the frame.

    Still frame for contextual reference only.

  • 10
    One day, our friends were out of town, and asked us to check in on the dog since we had met and he knew us. For whatever reason, likely due to his family being gone, he
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  • 11
    acted as if we were total strangers when we got there. Ears back, tail tucked, licking lips and growling with his teeth bared. Myself, I'm a tall woman, but I've always been
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    very thin and not very muscular or athletic. I had a very sudden, very scary realization that if that dog wanted to attack, I would not be able to fight him off or control him
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    at all. I hate to say that day was somewhat traumatic, but I had never before come across a dog that big acting that aggressive towards me. It really put me off
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    owning the breed at all, and I don't know if I would ever be comfortable having one in my home.
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    Cheezburger Image 10672535040
    via Shay Madsen

    American Akita dog at home in a dark room, looking back at the camera.

    Photo is a representation of scenes.

  • 16
    I've tried to make compromise with my husband, offering to get a different guardian breed, even one just as big, but always explaining to him that I was afraid of Akitas, and
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    still am. But every time, we go in circles, where I'll say I'm afraid and he'll say another breed won't do because only an Akita made him feel safe like that. To him, that day
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    was proof of what an Akita in our ownership might do if it felt threatened on our behalf, in protection of us. To me, that day was proof that if an Akita snapped,
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  • 19
    Cheezburger Image 10672534784
    via ires007

    American Akita dog showing lower teeth, standing and looking up.

    Picture does not depict real parties.

  • 20
    it could cause massive injury to myself, our other pets, or our future children.
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    I really do feel for my husband, and I truly want him to be able to feel safe in his own home. I just really can't get over the fear that day instilled in me. I just wish there was
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  • 22
    some other solution, and that it wasn't all or nothing on that specific breed... I even tried to compromise by saying that if we did get one, we
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    would just need to get a puppy from a reputable breeder, and put it into intensive training pretty much immediately. I still wouldn't feel truly safe, but that's the best way I
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  • 24
    Cheezburger Image 10672533504
    via ires007

    American Akita dog puppy on grass, ready to pounce.

    Image depicted solely for explanatory purposes.

  • 25
    can come up with to ensure that it would never be aggressive towards us. But since I'm the one saying no, it feels like I'm saying he can't have that feeling of safety. AIT for not letting him get an Akita?
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    ETA: First, I want to thank everyone for their advice here, especially those who have shared their own personal experiences. My heart truly goes out to those who have been
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  • 27
    attacked or know someone who has, that has to be truly terrifying and I do apologize if my post came across like me being scared by one was anywhere near that level. It
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    most certainly is not. Maybe a better way to word it would have been that it left a lasting fear.
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  • 29
    Cheezburger Image 10672534016
    via Nemyrivskyi Viacheslav

    A big American Akita dog resting on the ground, looking alert.

    Scene is illustrative and does not depict actual individuals or events.

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    I mentioned in a comment but it's worth restating that I know it's not fair to write off a whole breed based on one experience, in the same way that's it's not fair for my husband to latch on based on one dog. Taking
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  • 31
    all of your feedback into account, it seems that I'm justified, unfortunately. We will not be proceeding with an Akita at all, even a puppy that we train. Our current
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  • 32
    dog is a Samoyed, we're familiar with more intense grooming and having to train a willful breed, but not on that level. Frankly neither of us have the time to give an Akita the attention to training it rightly deserves.
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  • The couple is already raising a Samoyed, which is also a big dog, but a much better fit for a house with someone with PTSD, like the husband, or someone who's afraid of more hyperactive dogs, like the wife. Samoyeds are highly empathetic dogs with an affectionate nature. Some of them are even trained in DPT (Deep Pressure Therapy) because of the combination of their size and empathy.

    There's also the tradeoff of them having a very piercing bark, which might trigger PTSD symptoms. But if the couple is already raising a Samoyed and the dog's bark wasn't a problem up until this point, then it's safe to say it wouldn't be a problem later on.

  • 33
    Cheezburger Image 10672534272
    via Alina Bystrova from Pexels

    American Akita dog lying on the ground, looking at the camera.

    Representative only.

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    I'd also like to give a huge thank you to everyone giving me links for vet-specific resources, those are absolutely helpful and I appreciate the time and effort. I will respect
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    that effort by putting in my own to review said resources; even if we don't end up going that route, we will certainly be much better informed of what's out there and what to look for.
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  • 36
    AIRBORNE BAXTE ARMY AH
    via RDNE Stock project from Pexels

    Soldier in uniform is sitting and looking down; another soldier out of focus in the foreground looks at him, therapy session for soldier's PTSD.

    Models for explanatory purposes only.  

  • 37
    I would like to say that I know his reasoning isn't necessarily logical. It's not. PTSD and hyper-vigilance are not logical. I have suggested he work on it with a therapist, and he will be looking into getting one. I
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  • 38
    could have done without some of the more judgmental comments, but everyone is entitled to their opinion, and this is the internet. I opened myself up to that by posting in the first place.
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  • 39
    TI;Dr - thank you thank you thank you. Genuinely.
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question dogs veterans wife scared husband soldiers advice Reddit akita
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