Daughter demands mom cook Thanksgiving dinner and transport it to her house although she won't be attending the meal, husband protests when she refuses: 'It just seems impractical'

Ally Perry • Writer and Editor

Nov 1, 2026 9:15 AM EST

Why should she have to do all the work when she isn't even the host?

Being the person who takes on hosting duties for the holidays is a huge responsibility, but there are a lot of people who seem to do everything in their power not to treat it that way. Recent statistics suggest that the proportion of households inviting over family or friends at least once a month has fallen over 30% since the 70s. It is very easy to blame all kinds of modern ills for this decline, but one of the reasons is undeniably that it is a big commitment! The cooking, cleaning, and entertaining all add up to a significant amount of time and effort.

Of course, it can be well worth it for the payoff that is enjoying spending time together. It's just important that the work involved gets properly recognized. This is a big part of the reason that countless families face drama surrounding who hosts and who does what to contribute. If somebody is expected to do everything all the time without being given an alternative option, there is every chance that they will become resentful.

While having that relative who creates the family holiday traditions can be wonderful, there also comes a time when others should think about taking over or at least relieving some of the burden. Cooking a full Thanksgiving meal is a significant task, but it is something that most can learn when they have a little willpower and patience.

*_{A full spread of Thanksgiving food posed on a table and a wooden crate. Image for illustrative purposes.}*

A mom didn't feel comfortable with the plans that her daughter had made to celebrate Thanksgiving this year. She had recently moved into a new home with her fiancé and was expecting her mom to cook an entire dinner at her house and then plate it when she came over. On top of that, she wouldn't even be there, as she spent the day with her fiancé's family.

Despite the mom's protests, her husband insisted that she needed to comply with her daughter's wishes. She just didn't feel like what she wanted was practical, and she didn't want to have to do that much work.

Am I wrong because I do not want to cook a full Thanksgiving dinner and transport it to my daughter's new home?

I will start by saying that I have been the sole preparer of all dishes, Turkey and sides for the last 27 years. 100% of all other holiday dinners as well. While I do not mind it, I struggle with keeping everything hot at the same time since I have never relied on anyone to bring anything. As everyone knows, it does

take the whole day. I am not a terrible cook and I feel like the only struggle is making sure all comes out piping hot. It is a few loads of dishes, but even that I do not mind.

via Few_Assistant1393

The plans were not what she thought they would be.

My husband then informed me that while she still planned on hosting, she would be gone at her fiancé's family event all day. She would not be home/available to cook in her new kitchen. As a result, I was advised that I was still required to do 100% of the cooking. However, this year, I am now expected to wrap everything up, clean

my kitchen, keep it hot, drive it across town and carry it up 3 flights of stairs and serve all of this at her house. I told my husband that while I do not mind making half the items, or even the turkey, it just seems impractical to make a whole dinner in my kitchen, carry it over there when I just could have set the hot food out at my house.

I tried several "work arounds" like saying I would store some items over there the day before. Another one was that she could make 2 or 3 things so that I do not have to carry so much.

Her husband was not happy about her proposing alternative plans.

None of these options seemed suitable to my husband. He then threatened me, swore at me and attempted to cancel the holiday altogether. He then called my daughter and tried to manipulate the situation saying that I "must not care about her new house." I do care very much and I am very excited for her. It just does not seem

like "hosting" when I am being forced to make everything and then take it over there. As I mentioned, half or 2/3 of the items I am willing to deal with. What was always A LOT of work is now turning into EVEN MORE work when I thought I might have at least a little easier of a year.

My husband will not bend. These are "his rules" and any other flexible suggestion I offer is met with obscenities, name calling and downright contempt. AITA for not wanting to go through all of this?

Even if somebody has established themselves as the person who takes on hosting duties, that doesn't mean that they get to be ordered around like an unpaid member of staff during the holiday season. While cooking for family can be very rewarding, it has to be something that you do out of your own desire to do so. It's not fair to force someone into that role.

*_{An older woman smiling while wearing an apron. Picture does not depict real parties.}*

She had opposition from all sides.

Worried-Throat-1767 NTA Your husbands an a,and your daughter is a spoiled brat

Impressive_Moment786 NTA-CANCEL IT!! If your husband wants to act like this, he gets to cook and transport it all or he gets nothing. Don't cook a nice big meal for a man who treats you like that.

subsailor 1968 Wow. The issue here isn't Thanksgiving. It is your husband and his horrible treatment of you. I'd call his bluff, let him cancel. Tell your daughter exactly why, too. ΝΤΑ

The dinner wasn't the only thing that wasn't working.

AdBeneficial4621 Forget cooking start planning your divorce

Zappagrrl02 If she wants to host, she can do the work!!

SonuvaGunderson NTA. Yeah, go ahead and cancel.

The mom deserved a rest.

Violet351 NTA. Cancel it and eat snacks and watch movies

ConflictGullible392 They should just get catering. NTA.

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