A collective groan echoed across the Internet May 5 as a new Indiana Jones movie was sort of confirmed.
It's been seven years since a bored Harrison Ford last picked up his whip to deliver a terrible movie. Should he don his fedora again, here are a few things we really don't want in a fifth movie in the aged franchise.
Aliens were behind the crystal skulls if you didn't know and it was incredibly dumb. Where other Indiana Jones films kept an aura of fascinating mystery about them, the fourth one bragged about how far it could jump over a shark in a jet ski.
I mean, really. No this:
Maybe give Harrison a little less to do...
Harrison Ford was old enough to join the AARP when he filmed the last movie and it asked him to do a lot of physicality that maybe didn't work too well. Currently 72, it would be great to see him living the role as a 72-year-old would, relying on experience and wisdom rather than bustin' out some sweet whip tricks.
That last movie was just SOOOOO GOOOOOOOOFY.
It's one thing to have some light-heartedness. Heck, the first three movies were basically a comic book more than anything else.
Still, there is this fine line between taking an audience on a sweet ride and throwing a snake at Indy (who HATES snakes, remember???) to get him out of a hole.
Waka waka waka
Basically just no Shia LaBeouf, please.
His time is filled with caring for his rat tail, and we respect that.
Besides that, we just can't live through any more of this:
Nothing too terribly unbelievable
Sure, it's highly unlikely that the lost ark of the covenant could be found by Nazis or that some ancient knight guards Jesus' sippy cup, but there's something so gosh darn unbelievable about Indy living through the first 20 minutes of the last film.
Seriously, an eternal grail guardian is way more believable than this:
Please, no Chris Pratt
He needs to spread out all this good will and not burn out in a flame of movie-goer boredom.
Plus, really hate to break it to you, but Jurassic World will not be a very good movie. It will make tons of money, sure, but it will most probably suffer from reboot-itis and try to sap everything it can from the nostalgia of fans while only moderately trying to tell a compelling story.
A fifth Indiana Jones movie will probably be the same thing, actually. And poor Chris Pratt doesn't need to lead two of those swerving vehicles.
How about just don't make another one?
Why not just don't?
Is there clamoring and need for another one? Can you maybe find story ideas somewhere that isn't the 1980s/1990s?
Right now we have two great Indiana Jones movies, one good one and one terrible one. Let's not disrupt the balance of that any further.
So, what do you say? Maybe pass on this one?
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