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15 Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (April 8, 2018)

Motide Posted by Motide
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  • Text - Josh Following @iwearaonesie "I need a beer, you want one?" -me helping my son with his Legos 8:34 AM 1 Apr 2018 549 Retweets 1,958 Likes ti 549 24 2.0K
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    Via @iwearaonesie
  • Text - James Breakwell Following @XplodingUnicorn My 3-year-old said, "Finders weepers, losers weepers." It was a powerful statement about how late- stage capitalism causes unhappiness for both the haves and the have-nots. Or maybe she's just bad at rhymes. 7:22 AM-7 Apr 2018 915 Retweets 6,000 Likes t 915 26 6.0K
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    Via @XplodingUnicorn
  • Text - Boyd's BackyardTM @TheBoydP Follow No generation will ever be joked about as much as millennials. Gen Z: Hold my tide pod... 1:23 PM - 6 Apr 2018 308 Retweets 694 Likes ti 308 18 694
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    Via @TheBoydP
  • Text - A girl has no game @This_is_a_dm Follow So this one time I was really upset and crying and this kid was like, "are you upset about your nose?" and I've never been so thoroughly owned by a child 1:59 PM 30 Mar 2018 292 Retweets 1,829 Likes t 292 11 1.8K
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    Via @This_is_a_dm
  • Text - Stabbatha Christy Follow @LoveNLunchmeat reaches back to grab daughter's hand, doesn't look at her face, spends the rest of the afternoon enjoying Disney World with someone else's child* 11:41 AM - 3 Apr 2018 73 Retweets 241 Likes t 73 241
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    Via @LoveNLunchmeat
  • Text - Dad and Buried Follow @DadandBuried 7yo: I like waking up early and hearing the birds chirp Wife: If you wake up even earlier you can see the sun rise. It's beautiful! Me: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING 5:25 AM - 3 Apr 2018 150 Retweets 744 Likes t 150 13 744
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    Via @DadandBuried
  • Text - DaddyJew @DaddyJew Follow The first rule of father club is "don't tell your mother" 10:48 AM 7 Apr 2018 121 Retweets 287 Likes t 121 4 287
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    Via @DaddyJew
  • Text - Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer Follow My son, sleepwalking, came into my room and said "Can you get the trash out of my bed?" So I went to his room and showed him there's no trash and he said, exasperated, "Why would there be trash in my bed?" then laid down and went back to sleep. That about sums up motherhood. 8:30 PM 5 Apr 2018 179 Retweets 1,299 Likes ti 179 1.3K 30
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    Via @Parkerlawyer
  • Text - Erica Follow @SCbchbum me: "how could this spider possibly be more scared of me, than me of it?" "idk, mom, did you ask it if those jeans make you look fat?" 10:42 AM - 6 Apr 2018 9 Retweets 85 Likes t 9 4 85
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    Via @SCbchbum
  • Text - mark Follow @TheCatWhisprer Funny how my toddler remembers what I said one time when I got cut off in traffic 6 months ago but forgets to say "please" 100 times a day. 7:05 PM - 6 Apr 2018 103 Retweets 596 Likes t 103 596
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    Via @TheCatWhisprer
  • Text - Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22 Follow Why do kids need so much tape? They're always asking for more tape. Where is all that tape going? Only the kids know 7:52 AM -3 Apr 2018 191 Retweets 668 Likes t 191 30 668
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    Via @Cheeseboy22
  • Text - Mollzotov Cocktail Follow @mollzbenn I told mom that my electric bill was only $22 last month and she said "Seems right for someone who sits in the dark and drinks alone every night." Would someone please tell her to stop owning me, I'm her daughter for God's sake 5:34 PM - 3 Apr 2018 189 Retweets 861 Likes t 189 15 861
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    Via @mollzbenn
  • Text - Sara Says Stop Follow @PetrickSara I've reached the level of parenting where when my kids ask "what's for dinner?" I just skip directly to the part where I tell them they're going to have to eat it anyway. 7:51 AM -3 Apr 2018 102 Retweets 383 Likes t 102 12 383
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    Via @PetrickSara
  • Text - Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4 Follow Before kids: Cocktails, club hopping & impromptu getaways After kids: Coffee, laundry & urgent care 6:32 AM 3 Apr 2018 188 Retweets 671 Likes t 188 21 671
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    Via @sarcasticmommy4
  • Text - Erica Follow @SCbchbum me: "how could this spider possibly be more scared of me, than me of it?" "idk, mom, did you ask it if those jeans make you look fat?" 10:42 AM - 6 Apr 2018 9 Retweets 85 Likes t 9 4 85
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    Via @moooooog35
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