Red, White, and Poo

If you were prescribed percocet after a car accident, do not allow yourself to be alone with a package of Red Vines licorice. You will absentmindedly eat most of it and then forget about it until the next day when it looks like you just crapped a liter of blood. You will panic momentarily and make your mother look at it because she is a nurse, and she will realize immediately what happened and laugh at you forever. You will never live it down. #LFMF