Criminally Dumb Criminal of the Day

Robert Owen Ray, Jr.'s smash-and-grab adventure was nearly a success -- no police presence in the vicinity of his liquor store of choice, and a 30-pack of beer to call his own. But clad in a turtleneck on a hot day, he couldn't resist temptation, and downed several cans during his escape. Officers followed the trail of castoffs to Ray's home, where they discovered the 28-year-old cowering in a closet, reeking of Miller Lite. [guyism]