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17 Dreadful Dad Jokes That Are The Worst While Being The Best At The Same Time

We really wish we didn't laugh at these, but no promises. 

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  • 1
    Text - - mikeinabox 5417 points 15 hours ago My dad does this every time we go out to eat. Waitress: sees that dad hasn't eaten all his food "Do you want a box for that?" Dad: "No, but I'll wrestle ya for it!"
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  • 2
    Text - [-] Nadiime 1120 points 14 hours ago Waitress: And here's the check. Is there anything else I can get you? Dad: Someone to pay the check? Huh-huh-huh..
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  • 3
    Text - -] Nadiime 3413 points 16 hours ago What do you call a man with no nose and no body? Nobody nose.
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  • 4
    Text - [-] Thedrim_ 1198 points 14 hours ago Pretty much every time I travel with my dad in the car: Dad: Hey you know a train has been through here. Me: How can you tell? Dad: It left tracks.
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  • 5
    Text - acamann 5339 points 15 hours ago [-] Nurse to my dad at the hospital after he was hit by a car on his bike: do you smoke? Dad, still not sure who the current president is: only when I'm on fire Nurse: looks to my mom Mom: no
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  • 6
    Text - -] muteafflict 4179 points 16 hours ago Call me a taxi "You're a taxi" permalink -1 Nadiime 2640 points 15 hours ago "I'll call you later." "Don't call me later, call me Dad." II permalink parent
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  • 7
    Text - [-] Isthisinfectious 5486 points 16 hours ago Every time I stubbed my toe as a kid, my dad would ask if he should call a toe truck. Every. Fucking. Time. permalink [- SevenArrows 4466 points 16 hours ago Stealing this for the entirety of my son's life. If he says no I'll call the wambulance. permalink parent - bpmbrent 3597 points 15 hours ago Someone call Whine-1-1
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  • 8
    Text - [-] mcaffrey 2682 points 16 hours ago How many apples grow on a tree? All of them
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  • 9
    Text - [-] Mr Katanga 5549 points 16 hours ago Driving past a cemetery: dad: "did you know that all the people who live around here aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?" me: "really? why not?" dad: "because they're not dead yet."
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  • 10
    Text - AnalTyrant 4735 points 15 hours ago My son is just starting to use words, and he likes to hold the tv remote to his ear like a phone, and say "Hello." So we'll hold up something to our ears and do the same, as though we were answering his call Yesterday I happened to be holding his stuffed animal lamb when he was doing this, so I held the lamb to my ear and responded. I looked over to my wife and said something like "look dear, he's calling me on the lamb-line." She conceded that that was
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  • 11
    Text - [-] Isthisinfectious 5486 points 16 hours ago Every time I stubbed my toe as a kid, my dad would ask if he should call a toe truck. Every. Fucking. Time. permalink [- SevenArrows 4466 points 16 hours ago Stealing this for the entirety of my son's life. If he says no I'll call the wambulance. permalink parent - bpmbrent 3597 points 15 hours ago Someone call Whine-1-1
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  • 12
    Text - -] Preditor_Hunter 3909 points 14 hours ago Dad: When this heals, will I be able to play the piano? Doctor: Yes, you'll be fine in a few days. Dad: Perfect, I've always wanted to be able to play an instrument.
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  • 13
    Text - -] ScampAndFries 5746 points 14 hours ago Reversing the car "Ahh, this takes me back." permalink
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  • 14
    Text - [-] fordr015 3308 points 15 hours ago I have a fear of speed bumps. Im slowly getting over it. permalink [-] viscount16 814 points 14 hours ago I have a fear of elevators, but I've started taking steps to avoid it.
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  • 15
    Text - ] Lord_Raiden 1789 points 15 hours ago* Me: Are you cold? Daughter: Yes! Me: You should sit in a corner. Daughter: Why?? Me: Because it's 90 degrees.
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  • 16
    Text - -] leastcleverintheroom 5395 points 16 hours ago A flock of geese passes by overhead, in class 'v' formation. Dad: Do you know why one side of the 'v' is longer than the other? Son: No, why? Dad: Because it has more geese.
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  • 17
    Text - [- necronomi 2607 points 12 hours ago Grandad at my Grandma's funeral Family friend: Are you alright? Grandad: No, I'm half left. It's his favourite joke, never misses a beat
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