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20 Tweets That Will Surprise You With Their Funny Unexpected Ending

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  • 1
    Text - Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42 My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard. 8:10 PM -7 Aug 2013
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  • 2
    Text - dan mentos @DanMentos "Hi I'm Dave and I'm an alcoholic" *uncomfortable murmur* "I'll be your captain today. Our flight time into Phoenix will be 3 hours and 9:15 AM - 4 Mar 2016
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  • 3
    Text - Zlatan Khubaibimović @khuBaibStation Me: *nervous giggle* Goodbyes are so awkward. Like, do we just shake hands, hug or kiss or what? Drive thru guy- please just take your food, sir 7:00 AM -3 Apr 2018
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  • 4
    Text - Joshua Martin @J_Martin_Author My wife just opened my car door for me. Would have been a nice gesture had we not been going 70mph. 2:20 AM -22 Oct 2017
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  • 5
    Text - tanner @tannerg28 If I got a dollar for every time I think about you, I'd probably start thinking about you. 5:30 PM-14 Aug 2016
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  • 6
    Text - dan mentos @DanMentos [introducing girlfriend to my family] me: this is my girlfriend janine janine: hi wife: what the fuck 7:14 AM -11 Aug 2016
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  • 7
    Text - Natemare On Elm Street @thenatewolf Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy. I love to eat capitalization. 8:16 AM - 27 Jun 2014
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  • 8
    Text - Spaced @Spaced_Cowboy00 I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office. 1:36 AM 20 Jun 2016
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  • 9
    Text - David Hughes @david8hughes Therapist: what would you say to your dad if he were alive today? Me: sorry for cremating you. I honestly thought you were dead 5:43 PM - 19 Mar 2016
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  • 10
    Text - spooky marky @duhitzmark WIFE: [handing me crying baby] will u please change him МE: ok [drives to hospital] ME: hi yes my baby is crying can i get a new one 1:34 AM -28 Dec 2016
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  • 11
    Text - Paul @FrenulumBreve ME: [licking lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before. INSTRUCTOR: don't lick my lips again 6:05 PM -19 Aug 2015
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  • 12
    Text - Zoi @zuhatistic Roses are red Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting someting romantic but no these are just gardening facts. 7:41 PM -13 Oct 2018
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  • 13
    Text - Jogurt @JosepyTopileffy [Sees a bee on wife's arm] Uh oh [l roll up newspaper] Babe... Stay still. (Using newspaper as megaphone) THERES A FUCKING BEE ON YOUR ARM 5:36 AM-8 Feb 2017
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  • 14
    Text - City Girl @ConservCityGirl I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby... Apparently that isn't allowed if the baby is yours. 2:17 AM - 24 Apr 2015
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  • 15
    Text - Josh @iwearaonesie My wife said I need to grow up I was speechless. It's hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth 4:41 AM -11 Aug 2018
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  • 16
    Text - Laura @laura_nov05 I love how music can take you to another place. For example Justin Bieber is playing in this cafe so now I'm going to a different cafe. 4:27 AM - 6 Jun 2018
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  • 17
    Text - Rego Di StefanoTM @bigreegs1985 *At the supermarket* Me: "Hey, are these carrots genetically modified?." Store worker: "Why you ask?..." Carrot: "Yeah, why you ask?..." 4:13 AM - 23 Jan 2018
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  • 18
    Text - Abii @KillerBoo858 New boyfriend is allergic too cats so can't keep him :Hes ginger& named Tom Friendly. Comes when called.28years old & works in IT 2:22 AM - 20 Jun 2016
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  • 19
    Text - David Hughes @david8hughes [at the mall "Excuse me? I lost my son. Can I please make an announcement?" "Of course." [leans in to mic] "Goodbye you little shit." 8:48 PM -9 May 2014
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  • 20
    Text - Tank Gewehr @Joe_Vehn Of course I touch myself when I think about you. Its called a facepalm 10:40 PM-23 Apr 2018
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