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Funniest Relationship Tweets We Scrolled Past This Week

Guaranteed to make you laugh, cry or both.

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  • 1
    Text - clean slate Follow @PleaseBeGneiss [walking out of restaurant] DATE: let's do this again ME: thank god I'm starving 10:43 AM - 16 Nov 2018 716 Retweets 4,550 Likes
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  • 2
    Text - Josh Follow @iwearaonesie 90% of marriage is one person looking for something where the other said it would be and yelling that it's not there 5:58 PM - 16 Nov 2018 541 Retweets 2,212 Likes
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  • 3
    Text - the library haunter Follow @SketchesbyBoze never trust a man who says "females," the correct terms are "madam," "lady," "all powerful siren," "dreaded sea-witch," "Queen of all Narnia" II 6:25 PM - 16 Nov 2018 5,647 Retweets 23,889 Likes HIN
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  • 4
    Text - Red's Surreal Vehicle Follow @surrealvehicle J would do anything for love, but I won't do thatJ WIFE: I only want you to put a shelf up JNo, I won't do that 4:28 AM -17 Nov 2018 125 Retweets 445 Likes
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  • 5
    Text - Hans Grubertron Follow @HansGrubertron HER: I don't believe in sex before marriage ME (a huge conspiracy nerd): omg tell me more 2:54 PM 15 Nov 2018 408 Retweets 2,347 Likes
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  • 6
    Text - Momarazzi Follow @Mirimade 70% if marriage is informing your spouse what you cleaned that day. "Did you see I did the dishes?" "I did. Did you see I cleaned the living room? Like, I didn't clean it all the way but you can definitely see I worked on it." "Yeah. You can't tell but I did some laundry." 7:56 PM - 16 Nov 2018 827 Retweets 4,700 Likes
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  • 7
    Text - URSULO Follow @3sunzzz My husband and I are looking for someone to play the harmonica while we have sex, no weirdos please. 2:04 PM - 17 Nov 2018 1,019 Retweets 5,329 Likes
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  • 8
    Text - The Dad Follow THE DAD @thedad It's rude to ask someone if they're pregnant.I don't care if my wife asks me as a joke, it still hurts 6:37 PM - 17 Nov 2018 40 Retweets 342 Likes
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  • 9
    Text - Jedi Cheesy Grits Follow @JediGigi Me: Ugh I've gained so much weight| Him: It's ok, babe Me: [my eyes turn black as the sky darkens; a swarm of locusts encircle us; a priest faints and a demonic voice exits my mouth uttering a simple sound] Oh? 7:49 AM - 23 Feb 2018 753 Retweets 2,608 Likes
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  • 10
    Text - David Hughes Follow @david8hughes Wife: I love you to the moon and back Me, pauses conspiracy video on YouTube: you really think you can get through the Van Allen radiation belts you idiot 6:12 PM - 16 Nov 2018 92 Retweets 548 Likes
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  • 11
    Text - Abbie Follow @AbbieEvansXO Him: I missed you Me: I missed you too *we both reload our duelling pistols* 11:06 AM - 19 Nov 2018 3,272 Retweets 14,086 Likes
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  • 12
    Text - Oops!...I Dad It Again @NewDadNotes Follow Wife: [visibly excited] what numbers did you pick for the lottery? Me: our anniversary and the kids birthdays. Wife: OMG WE WON! WE WON THE LOTTERY!!! Me: [checking ticket] no we didn't. 1:45 PM - 19 Oct 2018 360 Retweets 2,873 Likes
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  • 13
    Text - Elizabeth Hackett Follow @LizHackett HIM: What are you thinking about? ME: (thinking about how I wish my arms looked better in sleeveless shirts) Politics. 8:57 AM -12 Nov 2018 174 Retweets 1,585 Likes
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  • 14
    Product - Thunder Bread Follow @JoeyDG54 My girlfriend left me because I said "boots are just long sleeve shoes" 5:03 PM - 19 Nov 2018 56 Retweets 518 Likes
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  • 15
    Text - The Dad Follow THE DAD @thedad [Church] Me *whispering* this is such a happy day Wife whispering back* this is our neighbor's funeral Me whispering louder* I might get my rake back 11:23 AM 18 Nov 2018 15 Retweets 148 Likes
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