Favorite

These "He's Not Your Man" Tweets Will Make All Ladies Giggle

They all start with "Ladies, if he's:" and end with the conclusion "He's not your man". Some of these are really brilliant. 

Share
Tweet
Stumble
Pin It
Email
  • 1
    Text - #1 Rachel Follow @rachel ladies, if he: - never texts you back always interjects with unsolicited advice -reads your personal documents - constantly tries to help you format paragraphs - is a sentient paper clip he's not your man. he's clippy the microsoft word office assistant 8:39 PM - 23 Nov 2018 8,512 Retweets 39,184 Likes
    Pin It
    Via twitter

  • 2
    Text - viking! Follow @NOTVIKING ladies, if he: expects you to clean the house is trying to rush you into marriage dreams of being an actor has a tattoo of an eye on his ankle wants the immense fortune left behind by your dead parents he's not your man. he's famed conman & murderer count olaf. 1:27 PM - 25 Nov 2018 8,664 Retweets 40,619 Likes
    Pin It
    Via twitter

  • 3
    Text - Kyle Follow @KylePlantEmoji Ladies, if he: - only responds after you double text - doesn't care about your snap streak - refuses to shave - is a staunch abolitionist - returns to Ohio after serving only one term He's not your man. He's 19th president Rutherford B Hayes 10:39 AM - 22 Nov 2018 20,693 Retweets 141,069 Likes
    Pin It
    Via twitter

  • 4
    Text - Roxi Horror Follow @roxiqt Ladies, if he: - ignores text messages doesn't like your tweets - eats like trash - regularly goes out all night - is usually found in wooded areas in North America He's not your man. He's a raccoon. 4:37 PM - 23 Nov 2018 9,222 Retweets 51,048 Likes
    Pin It
    Via twitter

  • Advertisement
  • 5
    Text - Great Bakes, Hot Takes GREAT BAKES Hel Tak Follow @greatbakespod Ladies, if he: - doesn't return your texts - always criticizes the results of your hard work and withholds praise for your efforts - gives vague ultimatums and disappears when you most need help - loves bread He isn't your man. He's baker and tv personality Paul Hollywood 5:02 AM - 25 Nov 2018 3,163 Retweets 16,558 Likes
    Pin It
    Via twitter

  • 6
    Text - JDL GOH MEF. Follow @jdl_werewolf Ladies, if he: - is on a boat - has an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love - has tickets that are now diamonds - is on a horse He's not your man. He's the man your man could smell like. SMELL LIKE A MAN, MAN Old Spice
    Pin It
    Via twitter

  • 7
    Text - The Daily Wire WIRE @realDailyWire DAILY Follow Ladies, if he: - ignores text messages - doesn't like your tweets - is always cold rarely opens up to you - never leaves the house makes weird humming sounds at night He's not your man. He's a refrigerator. 9:41 AM 24 Nov 2018 1,681 Retweets 6,055 Likes
    Pin It
    Via twitter

  • Advertisement
  • 8
    Text - an pigeon @imskytrash Follow Ladies, if he: -is italian -is hot and spicy -ignores your texts -loses your snap streak -doesn't like your tweets -is delicious and nutritious -can be made with three simple ingredients He isn't your man. He's a hot and spicy plate of spaghett. 12:19 PM - 24 Nov 2018 1,468 Retweets 7,036 Likes
    Pin It
    Via twitter

  • 9
    Text - The Hangriest Librarian @HalpernAlex Follow Ladies, if he: - is warm and inviting - is generous - is active in the community -expects you to return his stuff frequently and fines you if you don't - demands you stay awake at all times He's not your man. He's a public library and you should return your books on time. 9:58 AM -25 Nov 2018 922 Retweets 4,675 Likes
    Pin It
    Via twitter

  • 10
    Text - Faith Moore Follow @FaithKMoore Ladies, if he: - Is slick as Gaston - Is quick as Gaston Has a neck that's incredibly thick as Gaston - Shoots like Gaston - Makes those beauts like Gaston - Goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston - Uses antlers in all of his decorating He's not your man. He's Gaston. 3:08 PM - 25 Nov 2018 18,511 Retweets 92,178 Likes
    Pin It
    Via twitter

  • Advertisement
  • 11
    Face - Katya Follow @katya_zamo Ladies, if he: doesn't respond to your texts doesn't comment on your pics is the loving mother of 3 kids won an Oscar in 2001 was named People magazine's "most beautiful woman" (5 times!!!) He's not your man. He's legendary Hollywood star, Julia Roberts.
    Pin It
    Via twitter

  • 12
    Text - Sassparilla @Megatronic13 Follow Ladies, if he: - is always late - never shaves -eats 10% of his weight a day in plant matter - leaves you every winter for warmer waters He's not your man, he's a manatee. 4:10 PM - 24 Nov 2018 1,522 Retweets 9,802 Likes
    Pin It
    Via twitter

  • 13
    Text - Sarah McAnulty Follow @SarahMackAttack Ladies, if he: - never responds to your texts - has never watched your insta story doesn't have a backbone - only lights up after dark is endemic to the Hawaiian archipelago He's not your man. He's a Hawaiian bobtail squid 7:25 AM - 23 Nov 2018 from Pennsylvania, USA 12,192 Retweets 72,139 Likes
    Pin It
    Via twitter

  • Advertisement
  • 14
    Text - Fenty Beauty Follow @fentybeauty Ladies, if he: - can last all day and night - fits perfectly in your hand - has an extra-long, flexible tip - has a smooth stroke - is your go-to eyeliner in your makeup bag He's not your man, he's our Fenty Beauty Flyliner 6:54 PM - 25 Nov 2018 7,228 Retweets 35,251 Likes
    Pin It
    Via twitter

  • 15
    Text - Random House Follow @randomhouse Ladies, if he: - never texts back doesn't follow you on social media can't go in the water - emotionally tortures you - has a super hard shell He's not your man. He's a book, and books are better than men, so happy reading. 1:09 PM - 24 Nov 2018 4,293 Retweets 16,970 Likes
    Pin It
    Via twitter
  • -
  • Vote
  • -
Share
Tweet
Stumble
Pin It
Email

Next on CheezCake

24 New ShowerThoughts Of The Week To Process, Chew, and Digest
Comments - Click to show - Click to hide