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26 Assorted Tweets That Are A Little Too Real

  • 1
    Text - not the WORST mom RSVP'ing to Christmas party* Whispering into phone: is it ok if I bring my weird roommate? Husband, from behind me: STOP CALLING ME THAT
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  • 2
    Galápagos tortoise - Count Dankula @CountDankulaTV Having to apologize for calling an otter fat is peak 2018 Monterey Bay Aquarium @MontereyAq Monterey Bay Aquarium @MontereyAq Abby is a thicc girl What an absolute unit She c honk Hey everyone. It has come to our Look at the size of this lady attention that some of the references in OH LAWD SHE COMIN this tweet are problematic and Another Internetism! insensitive. We're posting here in the thread so that people who have engaged with this tweet w
  • 3
    Text - "Gday mate" whisperer @DukeLathem i've had a couple of days to think about it and i've decided: this is my favourite ever instagram post 3,542 likes theheauxmentor Exactly one year ago, my sugar daddy Brad passed away. He was 47 and died because of a heart attack and untreated diabetes. We had an incredibly toxic relationship and ultimately I wish I never met him. As horrible as he was, I am sitting here and trying to dig up a good memory to remember him on this day. So here it is: Brad,
  • 4
    Text - Lauren Chanel Allen @MichelleHux dating me is like biting into oatmeal raisin cookie and realizing it's chocolate chip and then realizing two hours later it was also an edible
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  • 5
    Text - THE CHRISTMAS ON CHRISTMAS Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti INT. SMALL TOWN SNOW GLOBE REFILLERY We see a SINGLE MOTHER refilling snow qlobes with Christmas juice. She is widow. Her husband died in every war. SINGLE MOTHER I refill globes better than Jesus Claus, yet still my twins are dad- free. Why? They need double dad. I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Hallmark Christmas movies BUSINESS MAN enters the shop. He wears clothes that cost money. His hands are briefcases, and he's Hallma
  • 6
    Text - Lin-Manuel Miranda @Lin_Manuel To the dude next to me on the bus (because the A is f***ed today) who just quietly showed me this whileI was with my kid, so that he was none the wiser, thank you l AT&T LTE 8:54 AM 59% TELL HIM YOU LO WORK Juggler & Dads HUGE FAN OF YOUR WORK directly in front of THANK YOU FOR MOANA AND FOR HAMILTON lin manuel miranda DAMNIT JAY SAY IT he's right here THANK YOU FOR MOANA YOUR FRIEND HAS A COUPLE CUTE KIDS THAT KNOW WHAT A HERO LOOKS LIKE ANDA HERO IS A GIRL
  • 7
    Text - Cathleen Samples @ccsamples are u even at the cheesecake factory if there isn't a group of unsupervised 15 year old girls there dressed like they're going to the met gala
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  • 8
    Text - gregg @Gregggyboy Dudes named James have so much pressure at an early age. Will they stick with the nerdy name james, or go by the business casual name Jim, or the sporty outgoing Jimmy, or the feminine gentle name Jamie, or be super goofy and go by Jimbo
  • 9
    Text - THE CHRISTMAS ON CHRISTMAS INT. SMALL TOWN SNOW GLOBE REFILLERY We see a SINGLE MOTHER refilling snow globes with Christmas juice. she is widow. Her husband died in every war SINGLE MOTHER I refill globes better than Jesus Claus, yet still my twins are dad- free. why? They need double dad. BUSINESS MAN enters the shop. He wears clothes that cost money. His hands are briefcases, and he's Hallmark hot SINGLE MOTHER (CONT'D) Hi. Do your snow globes lack wet? Hurry. Christmess attacks soon Bu
  • 10
    Text - kass money @lillykass missed my chance there huh YOU MATCHED WITH ON 10/17/18 I would take you to a movie but sadly they don't let snacks in ;) Friday 6:15 PM well I went without you
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  • 11
    Adaptation - EvilChrisPriestly TheEvilChris Follow Lets plant catnip, he said. It prevents mosquitoes, he said. What could go wrong, he said. #cats RETWEETS LIKES 9,949 11,909
  • 12
    Text - @ohhcami I'm naturally irritated when I first wake up.You have to give me a few minutes to adjust
  • 13
    Text - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Stephen King has a son named Joe. I'm not joking, but he is.
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  • 14
    Text - linds @Lindseyytcraine my new years resolution is to put my clothes back on the hangers and in my closet after trying them on. i know that sounds small, but it's a big issue in my life
  • 15
    Text - MABK H0%û5 @markhoppus True story. I'm flying right now but through wifi and an app on my phone I'm honking the horn on my car back home to annoy my family. espadacosmica: the future is now
  • 16
    Text - Alyssa Limperis @alyssalimp Me during interviews: I love challenges Me day 1: if I have to fill out a form for direct deposit I don't want it
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  • 17
    Text - JenPer @jennaperry22 This just triggered the deepest depths of my memory 300 @montanaisntreal if you know what this is then you know what's good
  • 18
    Text - Peyton @delome10 Girls be crying over a dude who reads at a 3rd grade reading level. He's not ignoring your text, he's sounding it out. Give him a second. 12/16/18, 11:41 AM 44.2K Retweets 232K Likes
  • 19
    Text - A World of Puns PUNS OPuns Only Yesterday I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full" I thought, "I can't turn that down"
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  • 20
    Bouldering - What do you interpret from this picture? I am Groot @VVSDiamante The way out the struggle is to start stripping. Bet.
  • 21
    Text - Amish PornStarTM @AmishPornStar1 "Today is chest and leg day!" -me, ordering at KFC
  • 22
    Text - Hannah Berner @beingbernz I'm a lady in the streets and watching murder documentaries all night in the sheets
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  • 23
    Lightning - IG: @Swaveyvic @swaveyvicc "Hi I'm Thor and you're watchin Disney Channel" @worldsgifts A heart-shaped lightning strike during a thunderstorm over France. Show this thread
  • 24
    Text - Rachel Dooley @racheldooley10 Unpopular opinion: Kanye's music isn't good enough for him to be this annoying
  • 25
    Text - me: i don't have time for workplace drama, i'm here for a paycheck she's also me when my coworker says annoyed w someone we work with: @SUCKMYKICKS
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  • 26
    Text - Noah Kinsey @thenoahkinsey Your stripper name is your favorite salad dressing and the thing about you that most disappoints your parents
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