Woman's Riotous Twitter Thread About Lawyer Dueling Anonymous Letter Writer Is Lethal Level Flirting

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mattstaff
Feb 21, 2019 3:00 AM EST

Before there was Netflix and Chill, there was Fencing or Frenching. This young woman's ludicrous tale is one hell of a medieval-esque emotional rollercoaster. Apparently you can find the original script that inspired the eventual Twitter thread, over here.

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  • 01
    Text - l Sprint 30% 8:48 PM Thread Charis M. Ellison @agreyeyedgirl My new favorite thing is this ballad about a rich woman who falls in love with a guy and decides to CHALLENGE HIM TO A DUEL 12/29/18, 1:43 PM li View Tweet activity 52 Retweets 126 Likes @agreyeye... 1d So our heroine is a rich heiress who has Charis M. Ellison been courted by many dudes and has said 'thank you, next' to 100% of them. She goes to a wedding, sees a poor lawyer, and feels a 'hot flame', balladspeak for 'I want to
    via @agreyeyedgirl
  • 02
    Text - Charis M. Ellison @agreyeye.... 1d but she doesn't, she plays it cool! she finds out his name and goes home, and decides to 'try it out with steel BECAUSE 'He has caused sad distraction, And I come for satisfaction, Which if he denies to give, One of us shall cease to live. 23 Charis M. Ellison @agreyeye... 1d GIF 9 1 13
    via @agreyeyedgirl
  • 03
    Text - Charis M. Ellison @agreyeye... .1d so she sends him an anonymous note demanding satisfaction (GET IT, GIRL) telling him when and where to show up for the duel, and his friend talks him into showing up. 15 Charis M. Ellison @agreyeye... 1d Then she arrives, in a gilded coach, wearing a mask, and asks this guy why he and his friend are hanging around. He says 'I'm waiting for some rando who challanged me to a fight' and THAT'S when she says 'SURPRISE THAT WAS ME 2 1 14
    via @agreyeyedgirl
  • 04
    Text - l Sprint 32% 8:50 PM Thread Charis M. Ellison @agreyeye... 1d It is I that did invite you, You shall wed me, or I'll fight you Underneath those spreading trees; Therefore, choose you which you please. 'You shall find I do not vapour, T have brought my trusty rapier; Therefore, take your choice,' said she, 'Either fight or marry me. 2 26 t.2 Charis M. Ellison @agreyeye... 1d Know what I mean? Know what I mean? Nudge nudge GIFNudge nudge. Know what I mean? Say no more. 10
    via @agreyeyedgirl
  • 05
    Text - Charis M. Ellison @agreyeye... 1d And the poor lawyer is just going...wut He asks her to take off her mask and she says NOPE marry or fight! those are the options! I'll give you an hour to think about it! 15 Charis M. Ellison @agreyeye... 1d and the lawyer's oh so helpful friend (remember his friend? he's the one who was like 'well OF COURSE you have to show up for a duel with this anonymous letter writer') talks him into marrying her with the stellar reasoning of 'you might as well, WHY
    via @agreyeyedgirl
  • 06
    Text - ill Sprint 98% 3:14 AM Thread 91 31 Charis M. Ellison @agreyeye... 1d And lawyer boy is convinced! So off they go to church! GIF 18 Charis M. Ellison @agreyeye... 1d BUT MY NEW FAV IS NOT DONE TROLLING HER NEW HUSBAND YET oh no! First she takes him to her big fancy house and leaves him alone in a big fancy room to chill for a few hours, while she gets Very Dressed Up, Including Hat 27
    via @agreyeyedgirl
  • 07
    Text - ll Sprint 8:50 PM 33% Thread Charis M. Ellison @agreyeye... .1d and THEN she goes in and ASKS HIM WHO HE IS and WHAT HE IS DOING IN HER HOUSE 21 Charis M. Ellison @agreyeye... 1d A LEGEND 13 Charis M. Ellison @agreyeye... 1d he's going 'uuuuuh well it's a long story and I've had a very weird day.... but she finally has mercy and says 'SURPRISE I'm your wife, welcome to being rich! ~* The End ~*~ 33 @agreyeye...1d AND according to the website whereI found this ballad, it's based on a true
    via @agreyeyedgirl
  • 08
    Text - Charis M. Ellison @agreyeye... .1d the actual title is 'The Berkshire Lady's Garland' but I'm going to call it 'Wife or Knife' 123 76
    via @agreyeyedgirl

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