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28 Scottish Tweets That Are as Hilarious as They Are Confusing

We're huge fans of Scottish Twitter. We love the jokes, the stories, the indecipherable language, and the liberal use of four-letter words. It's all great. And if you want to see more of these gems, check them out right here.

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  • 1
    Text - Callum Richardson @calrich97 My wee brother is another breed o02-UK 3G 1 100% 11:14 i 1 Lewis Text Message Today 10:59 Where are ye i have yer phone Hahahah aww fuck
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  • 2
    Text - Steven @stevencarr123 My dad's birthday card to my mum is fucking monumental. To LINZI FAE ERIC
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  • 3
    Nose - loraaaa @loradonaghy Lost three year ae ma life tae the calpol Doctor warns that Calpol is the 'heroin of childhood' in shocking message to parents. ladbible.com/news/uk-doctor... LADbible @lad bible .50 4.50 2+Months Calpol Sugar Free Infant LOCK Suspension Paracetamol Gentle pain & fever relief 65 Reny Infant
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  • 4
    Text - Natły DN17 Could go 25 year without seeing yer pal n when ye ask wit they've been upty there reply wid still be "fuck all mate"
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  • 5
    Text - Eamon Friel @EamonFriel1 How the fuck can 24 hour gyms pay for leckie, a leave a light on at night and ma maws chasin me wae a sword
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  • 6
    Text - ruairidh @ruairidhmcmelon 1 23% oo vodafone UK 14:15 Monday 1 August Little now U awright mate had a dream u died slide to reply
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  • 7
    Text - Arran E @Arran75699086 hahahha imagine yer da being a worm SAY10 @ErikaVonDoom A WHAT Show this thread i FORUM.FACMEDICINE.COM There's a parasitic worm that's causing women to get pregnant
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  • 8
    Text - Connor Magill @ronnoclligam Wit if Scotland just refuses to leave the eu? Like aw just say naw n tell England "wit ye gonny Dae phone the polis?"
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  • 9
    Text - Sean Delaney @sdel6795 How funny are dugs man not got a fuckin clue what's going on but still no wanting left oot. Permanently wanting to be part of the team. Could be organising a big dug barbecue to eat aw the dugs in the street and yer dugs sitting nodding 'whatever yous are dain AM dain'
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  • 10
    Text - Amy Middleton @amy_middleton as fuck, he just got My wee brother is fly his bank account set up and online banking, so phoned me to transfer him £10 to make sure it was working. Accepted that I wouldn't get the £10 back then my mum told me he done it to her, my gran and my auntie, wee arsehole is £40 up
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  • 11
    Text - Ben @Ben_Pirrie Captain, leader, legend ..02-UK 4G @63% 16:06 Wednesday 14 February MESSAGES now Mum You just wanting to get kebab or something canny be fucked cooking
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  • 12
    Text - Rudolph Halleron @Ro_Harrah Pure pain when yer heading to the toilet in the dancing then abba comes oan and ye know ye have tae turn back roon and fuckin pish yersel oan the danceflare cos YOU ARE the dancing queen
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  • 13
    Font - Paulalk1 @Paulalk11 Yer da turning up at the door on Tuesday morning after yer maws agreed to let him back in after his weekend antics Instagram FORBES ON THE SQUARE FORBES TESOOARE
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  • 14
    Text - Neve @NiamhBeaton Dae u ever hear someone's tone a voice through a message n hink who the fuck they hink they're talkin tae
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  • 15
    Text - Dale Neary @daleneary_ Been on the planet nearly 25 years and never once been wrong, mental
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  • 16
    Text - Ronan @ronan_mcaleer Am a fuckin maniac when it comes to hoovering like, no giving a fuck if it's on the floor it's gawn up ma Hoover no questions asked
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  • 17
    Text - Bert @robbiefulston Fuck being a burd n having ae come up way about 12 different ways how to say cheers to folk who comment on there Insta photaes
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  • 18
    Text - Lloyd Paton @lloydpato I've got mixed emotions towards climate change, am sad we're aw going to die but am happy we're going to live out the rest of our days in glorious sunshine. Seems a fair deal to me, nuhin lasts forever get the drinks in troops
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  • 19
    Vehicle door - Craig Bowhay @CraigBowhay97 Served a customer who said they'd just egged a car parked like an arsehole, was agreeing saying it's a disgrace etc, leave workin its my car that's been egged
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  • 20
    Text - Caz @carricknrm Mental there's folk in my year from school cuttin about in 18 plate Audi's and av just transferred money from my savings to buy a snickers
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  • 21
    Text - joseph @_josephgoldie At Marks and Spencer's self scan and some guy needed help and he just started sayin to everyone "sorry I'm fae Paisley" like that was some excuse for having an unexpected item in the bagging area
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  • 22
    Design - Cameron Guthrie @cguthrie918 Tickets please
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  • 23
    Text - Tommy @TomMcgall Parents of 1/2 year old wains don't half clutch at straws when er wain mumbles something, they always try attach a word to the mumble "jduiudjrfyila...everybody hear the wain there he just said caterpillar, that's him saying caterpillar now"
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  • 24
    Text - Stephen O'Neill @stephenoneill37 2 Scottish guys arguin down the beach last night n one of them goes wit u lookin at n the other one shouted back 5 year if u don't shup
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  • 25
    Canidae - Tam @ThomasDonnellyo That c ts no got a cat flap he's got his own set eh hoose keys hahaha
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  • 26
    Text - sandy @sandyrobertsan See when yer standing right beside the pedestrian crossing and cts squeeze past ye to finger blast the button to cross, wit ye no hink I've already fucking done that and am just standing here for a fucking day oot
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  • 27
    Text - Ross Sayers @Sayers33 [the day scottish towns were named] person 1: *writing down milngavie* person 2: miln-gavy? person 1: hahahaha you fucking idiot not even close
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  • 28
    Motor vehicle - PictureThis Scotland SCofLAND@74frankfurt Google Street View car in Glasgow. (Pic: Ciaran Globel) FUCK OFF YA NOSEY BASTART Google maps Street View google.co.uk /stree
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